The Feminist Movement. Part 1. The Abusive Spouse

I am an anti feminist. I try hard not to be too outspoken on this topic, because it is somewhat political. And if there is one thing I have learned, it is to never talk politics with those you love. When I am given an opportunity to put a plug into the feminist movement and how it has completely ruined our society, I try to do so gently and I choose my words very carefully, so as not to offend anyone. But it is a topic I feel very strongly about and since this is my blog, I can be as outspoken as I want to be.

Now, before I get into arguing my point to the world I want to make one thing very clear. I am not taking about the feminist movement that got rid of the notion and attitude that women were second class citizens. I am not taking about votes for women or having equal educational opportunities as men. That is not what I mean when I say feminist movement. The feminist movement I am talking about is the one that taught women to believe that masculinity is oppressive, evil and cruel. I am taking about the feminist movement that turned women into nagging and nasty wives. I am talking about the feminist movement that devalued the traditional feminine “stay at home mother” role in a marriage and family. I am talking about the feminist movement that told women that they were wasting their lives their brains and their talents by being in the home taking care of their husbands and children and that told them to get out of the house, throw their kids in daycare and go back to work. I blame 95% of the problems in our society on this movement. Let’s explore this. I have so many different points that can be made concerning this issue that I struggle with where to begin. I have however have decided to break it down into a few posts, so as not to overwhelm you too quickly.

For this part one of the anti feminist in me, I would like to discuss how the feminist movement has turned most women into abusive spouses.  

What I am talking about is the attitude most married women have because of the feminist movement and how it has evolved from respectful towards their men, and gratitude for all they do in the marital unit, to resentment. These women can starve and abuse their husbands. They can emasculate their husbands, withhold sex and affection, respect and admiration and their husbands are just supposed to stand back and take it. The men are not allowed to stand up for themselves or they are considered oppressive, emotionally abusive, or just jerks. Feminist women stand around and bash on their men to each other and compete for who has the most awful husband. They humiliate and shame their husbands in public and in private. I am embarrassed to be of the same gender as these women as it has trained most of the young men I date into thinking that marriage is prison and they want nothing to do with settling down and I can't say I blame them. I would not want to be in a marriage with a spouse like that.

What I have come to learn over the past year while listening to the Doc is that all men have a boiling point. They can only stand so much before they get a girlfriend who will talk to them, who will pay attention to them, who will show interest in them, who will adore them, who will be affectionate with them and who will have sex with them. After the affair, when the knowledge of the affair comes to the table, the man is the only one who gets any of the blame. Sure he breeched his wedding vows, and that I don't condone, but she did first. She did not love honor and cherish him. She did not respect him. She was not kind and tender with him. All of which she vowed to do. A man can only stand so much. Men are very simple creatures. They need affection, they need appreciation and compliments, the need respect, they need food, and they need sex. That’s it. If a woman fails to provide those things to her husband, and he finds it elsewhere, I see no one to blame but her. I find it arrogant and cruel to starve and neglect a man of his needs, and then become upset and kick him out when he finds other sources to meet those needs. If a man is constantly nagged, lectured, belittled, and denied sex, eventually he will stop coming home. But the feminist movement has taught women how to be selfish and how to be self reliant and independent of men. Instead of teaching women how to make wise decisions in their men, it has taught them how to pick poorly, and then beat their men to death trying to change him into what they wanted in the first place. I pity men. I feel sorry for what they have to put up with in marriages. Men can no longer compliment their wives without their wives thinking they are making sexual advances towards them. And heaven forbid they make any kind of sexual advances in a marriage. The woman is to decided when, where and how often. Womanly wiles that have the power to wrap men around the fingers of women are gone. Instead, in their place there is nagging, bitching, and neglect. The idea that the stay at home mother is the lowest form of society has ruined us. It's a shame, because it was never about a woman being a slave to her man, it was about each partner playing their part in the marriage. He protects and provides and she nests. Neither is superior to the other and neither is oppressive. But the feminist movement told us that nesting is oppressive and men are therefore evil and cruel for expecting that of a woman, and have spent the last 30-40 years punishing men for expecting that of us. The truth of the matter is, its nature. It's biology. Men conquer and protect by nature. Women have maternal instincts to nest. To punish a man for that biological setup is just evil. I feel so sorry for men to have to live in the world of feminists.  

Bubbles

The Bubble Boy

They say Utah Mormons live in a bubble. Growing up Mormon, and in Utah, I cannot dispute this fact. In fact, I have to support the unfortunate fact whole heartedly. I wish it was not so, but it can't be denied. What I believe happens is that those parents have good intentions to protect their children from the outside influences of “the world” but their good intentions turn into shielding them from the outside world, or, creating a nice bubble that ultimately leads them to believe that there is no evil in the world. I will now attempt to explain what I think parents should do. This train of thought is of course coming from several philosophical points made by whom? You guessed it, the Doc. Have I mentioned that I love her? That she changed my life?

This philosophical parenting point came to me last night while I was at my aunt and uncle’s home for dinner. I have over the past year come to understand the incredible responsibility of good, responsible parenting, of course from the Doc. And because of this understanding I have taken it to heart, as a role that I must prepare for. So even now, years before I become a parent, I am putting a lot of quality thought into how to do it. Almost everything I do leads me to think how I would handle the situation as a parent.

This experience is no exception. Here is what happened:

At the uncle and aunts for dinner. Among us were my grandparents, my parents and 6 of their 7 children, 2 spouses and 1 grandchild and then of course my aunt, uncle and their 4 children. I was having a conversation with my brother. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a mouth. I don't even consider hell and damn to be what others call “swear words.” I have a way with turning almost anything into a “that’s what she said” joke. I will admit, my mind is always in the gutter and I have been known to drop an F-bomb here and there. Not necessarily proud of this, I realize it’s not too dignified or feminine, but I am who I am, and until I decide it’s something I want to change about myself, it’s not going to change. And at this point in time, I don't mind my sometimes crass and vulgar way of thinking.

So, my brother and I were having a conversation and he mentioned a guy I can't stand and something that this guy had said to make me look bad. I was ticked and I said the word “hell” to my brother, in regards to this man, whom I hate. I didn’t shout it but those in my direct circle heard it. I know there were kids around, and I shouldn’t have said it, but again, my brain just does not process that word as being a bad word. And I know I don't have kids, and until I do, I doubt my mind will really be aware that “there are kids around” and to watch the language. It was then that my uncle, who was sitting 2 seats down from me, 180 degrees from where my brother was tapped me on the shoulder. Everyone was looking at me when he told me not to speak like that in front of his kids. This is the thing that I disagree with. Now, I just want to make it clear; I am not trying to justify what I did. I realize it was in the wrong. I just want to point out this infamous bubble and how I plan to avoid it with my children.

I was quite embarrassed. I apologized. Then I looked around to see how close the nearest child was, who was not in hearing distance and who was playing with her cousins, not even paying attention to my conversation. It was then that I thought my uncle had an overreaction. Like I said, I was embarrassed and it really killed my mood. I was not as willing to talk to my brother, because I just felt stupid. So I began to wrap this concept around my brain.

Here I am, a guest in his home, (and granted I said a bad word, but quite a mild bad word. It wasn’t like I dropped the F-bomb. I said hell for hell’s sake) and he went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable, and like a really disappointing person, in an attempt to keep his children’s ears free and clear from the word hell. It's not like his kids are babies. They are 15, 11, and 8. It's not like they have not heard that word at school or on radio or TV. However, instead of teaching his children that ‘there are people in the world, even family that we love, who don't have the same values as we do, but that isn’t a reason to treat them badly or disrespectfully. We can still love them even though they make bad choices.’ Instead, he attacked the guest, whom, in my opinion, he should go out of his way to be hospitable to. Here is a great example of how the bubble is created. The ‘I don't want to even allow my children to hear that word’ mentality becomes the greater goal. In my opinion, it should be about ‘how do I teach my children how to act in situations where they meet people who do not share their value systems?’ As a parent, I hope to make that a priority, to teach my children how to cope with evil, instead of making the efforts to keep them out of the evil. After all, we are supposed to be in the world, just not of the world.  It is the perfect example of how the bubble was created. Damn the bubble. It's not helping anyone.

Dr. Laura, RUDE??? Whaaaaat?

In the past, my attempts to convert every man, woman, and child to the wonder that is Dr. Laura I have had a few people offer their opinions of her. I have heard that she is #1: Rude. #2: Arrogant. #3: Stubborn. #4: Opinionated. And #5: A Woman Hater.

Now, to all of these opinions, (except #5 which is a complete falsity) what I have to say is, well you have a point. I can see how she can be interpreted as rude, arrogant, stubborn, and opinionated. I don't agree that she is actually rude, or arrogant, I think she is taken out of context far too often, and she surprises people with her blunt reactions. More on that in a moment, but first I want to add a disclaimer. I realize that Dr. Laura is not for everyone. She rubs people the wrong way and to some she is just a complete turnoff, even if they agree with what she is saying, they disagree with how she is saying it. I can't disagree with that, and I have not started this blog to debate that fact or to convince or force anyone to love her as much as I love her. But I have started the blog because, simply stated, she has changed my life. I just want everyone to know what she has taught me and how it has made me a better person. I want her to change other lives the way she has changed mine. She may not have the ability to change your life. I can't argue or debate with that, nor do I want to. But you might also be living your life to half its potential like I was. And all you need is a good old fashioned kick in the pants and a different perspective with which to look at life, good old Dr. Laura style, just like I did. To those people, I am confident that Dr. Laura has something to offer you. That is the main reason for this blog. I am blogging for my own sake, to document life lessons I am learning from her philosophical points made by the Doc. But I am also blogging simply to open up your minds. To challenge the way you see things, the way you embrace life. So take it with a grain of salt. I am open to different ideas that challenge the way that I think and open me up to new ideas, and I hope as you read this blog, you are too.

Okay okay okay, now onto the juice. Is Dr. Laura RUDE?

Here is what she has said in her defense. Yes she can be rude; and yes she can hurt people’s feelings. BUT her main priority is to help people. People call her asking her for her opinion. Her OPINION. Sure she is opinionated, that is her job. She is a known to millions as a wise woman and people seek her advice. She has said before that her main job and priority is to HELP people. Her main priority is not to be nice; her main priority is to HELP people. If she needs to be rude to get someone's attention then she is not afraid to be rude. If she needs to nag someone or force them into compliance, then she is willing to do that in order to help people. (And by force into compliance I mean that she has a few rules on her radio program, and she makes her listeners follow those rules, such as, we don't talk about feelings, we talk about facts. She also has a very clear direction as to where the caller needs to take her and if the caller gets off course, she brings them right back). I think why most feel she is rude is because they are in denial. And probably my favorite Dr. Laura quote on that subject is "I am the one with the bat who breaks the denial bubbles." The only time she gets snippy is when people are in denial, or they get defensive. She calls them out on it, and everyone thinks she is rude. No one can argue that she doesn’t help people. She has changed my life, and I know of thousands and thousands of others whom she has helped because they say so every day on her radio show. She is making a difference. Sometimes she has to be snippy to do that, but she isn’t afraid to be snippy to help people. As a society, we put too much emphasis on saving someone from hurt feelings. The truth is that in life, we will get our feelings hurt. We shouldn’t have our mommies shielding us from getting our feelings hurt, we should learn instead how to deal with snippy feelings. As a society I agree that we put too much emphasis on hurt feelings. We avoid hurting feelings to the point that we reward the lazy even when they don't deserve it because they might feel bad if we don't. We help others, or intervene between the natural consequences to the action and the person who needs to suffer them all because it might hurt their feelings if we don't. We focus too much on saving the feelings than learning the lesson. We shouldn’t. As a society we should be learning the lessons. That is also her opinion. She is not going to protect someone's feelings when they need to learn a lesson. She is going to teach them the lesson. If their feelings get hurt, at least she got their attention. More importantly, in more cases than not, the lesson was learned by her harshness

Now, is Dr. Laura arrogant? Is she stubborn? Well, she can come off that way. I think that on her radio program she may tend to be. It is her radio program. It is her professional opinion. She obviously can't force anyone to behave in any one way. She can't control the callers’ situations. All she has to offer is her opinion. If you don't like her opinion, that is fine. You don't have to. I don't agree with everything she says (most things but not everything). If you don't want her opinion, that’s fine. If you think she is stubborn, that’s fine too. She is basically of the take it or leave it mindset. Or at least that is how I interpret her personality. Take her opinion or leave it, but it is her job to have the opinion. It is her job to be stubborn and consistent in her philosophies so as not to be biased.

Now, is she a woman hater? No of course not. She IS a woman. She is simply an anti-feminist. Not the feminist movement that got women to have equal rights not the one that had men thinking that women were second class, but the one that considers masculinity to be oppressive, destructive, evil and cruel. I will be blogging much more about this in the future, this anti-feminist point of view. I share her opinion, quite strongly in fact. Anytime someone has called her a woman hater, it is because they have heard her side with a man, when a woman calls to bitch about masculinity. She is just as tough on men who deserve it. She is also very nice to women who are good to their men. She is not a woman hater. Anyone who listened to her for a week straight could get that. The one call that gets taken out of context is the one that labels her as a woman hater. And that is all I have to say about that.

My Story… How I Found the Doc

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with the Doc. This Doc of course being Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who is referred to by us fans as the moral compass. I found her in about October of 2009 and have been obsessed ever since. At first she was pure entertainment. Her stern, no-nonsense approach to talking with people was funny. These poor callers whom she nagged to death and in some cases embarrassed I just thought were hilarious and I referred to them as pure entertainment.

At that point in my life I was quite a lost soul. I had just gotten dumped, but a very destructive man who used me, and drained the very best of me, and pretty much left me for dead.  I was unhealthy, blaming myself for his lack of human decency and cold soul-less soul. I was depressed, friendless, confused, and desperate. I was convinced that I was trash and that if this man couldn’t love me then no man could. I was very lonely and in my mind I was facing a lifetime with no love. About a year prior to this because of unrelated reasons I had turned against the God I had known and loved for my entire life. I say this to point out that I refused to turn to my God for solace. I was a wreck. I was barely making it day to day. It was all I could muster up to get out of bed half the time. Obviously, I needed an intervention.

Luckily, I was bored with regular radio, so I switched to talk radio. That is when I found her. She was the first person in my life who had ever succeeded in teaching me about life.

In the time since I have found her she has transformed me. First, she got me over my breakup. She got me over the pain, and she got me over the love that I still felt for the creep. She got me over feelings that no one could possibly love me. She got me over the loss that I felt. Then she got me thinking about my mistakes. Mistakes I had made in first off choosing him to date, and secondly the mistakes I made in the relationship. That was invaluable to me. I learned so much from that relationship that I didn’t realize was there to learn, until she pointed it out to me. Then she began to teach me about self esteem, where it comes from, how to get it and how to maintain it. Then I started to grasp the concept of being a wife, not just a wife and not just a good wife, but a perfect wife. I had never ever known how to be a good wife before I found her. No one had ever exemplified good wife-ing to me prior to her. Until the Doc, I didn’t know what it meant to be in a marriage. I didn’t know what marital vows meant or what being unselfish in a marriage looked like. Now, I am confident beyond measure that I know exactly how to make a marriage work. I know exactly how to be the perfect wife. She has taught me about men, the way they think and the way they interact with women. They way they communicate and the way they need to be treated. (Not that I will be a flawless wife, but I at least know how to be one, and have a great idea of where to begin and how to grow into it.)

Then she taught me about perspective. Not necessarily anything she has said on the subject, but more so just in observing her and the perspective she takes. She has the most interesting and wonderful perspective. She challenges the way I think for the better. She has taught me how to look for the positive in the most unpleasant of circumstances. Even things like the death of a loved one or the affair of a spouse. She has taught me about taking responsibility in situations and how the decent and good people take responsibility for their misdeeds. She has taught me about the cherished role of motherhood. She has inspired me to take that role seriously. In all her years as a professional, in all the trainings, education, and awards she has given, in all the good she has done in the past 3 decades of being on radio, the most important thing she has ever done is to be the mother to her son. She is the best parent I have ever known. She is the wisest parent I have ever known.

She is one well rounded amazing person. She has taught me to live life to the fullest. I never imagined getting out of my life what she has allowed me to see. I can't wait to live each day of my life to the fullest. I was indeed living life half of its capacity, half alive, until I found the Doc.

This blog is then my reflections and lessons I gain from interpreting something she has said into my own life. This is how I am growing as a result of her. How I am embracing life, how I am trying to be a better friend, daughter, sister, aunt, future wife and future mother. And it’s my attempt to get you all converted to the Doc. Cause in my perfect world, she would be the end all say all, the leader of us all.