Bubbles

The Bubble Boy

They say Utah Mormons live in a bubble. Growing up Mormon, and in Utah, I cannot dispute this fact. In fact, I have to support the unfortunate fact whole heartedly. I wish it was not so, but it can't be denied. What I believe happens is that those parents have good intentions to protect their children from the outside influences of “the world” but their good intentions turn into shielding them from the outside world, or, creating a nice bubble that ultimately leads them to believe that there is no evil in the world. I will now attempt to explain what I think parents should do. This train of thought is of course coming from several philosophical points made by whom? You guessed it, the Doc. Have I mentioned that I love her? That she changed my life?

This philosophical parenting point came to me last night while I was at my aunt and uncle’s home for dinner. I have over the past year come to understand the incredible responsibility of good, responsible parenting, of course from the Doc. And because of this understanding I have taken it to heart, as a role that I must prepare for. So even now, years before I become a parent, I am putting a lot of quality thought into how to do it. Almost everything I do leads me to think how I would handle the situation as a parent.

This experience is no exception. Here is what happened:

At the uncle and aunts for dinner. Among us were my grandparents, my parents and 6 of their 7 children, 2 spouses and 1 grandchild and then of course my aunt, uncle and their 4 children. I was having a conversation with my brother. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a mouth. I don't even consider hell and damn to be what others call “swear words.” I have a way with turning almost anything into a “that’s what she said” joke. I will admit, my mind is always in the gutter and I have been known to drop an F-bomb here and there. Not necessarily proud of this, I realize it’s not too dignified or feminine, but I am who I am, and until I decide it’s something I want to change about myself, it’s not going to change. And at this point in time, I don't mind my sometimes crass and vulgar way of thinking.

So, my brother and I were having a conversation and he mentioned a guy I can't stand and something that this guy had said to make me look bad. I was ticked and I said the word “hell” to my brother, in regards to this man, whom I hate. I didn’t shout it but those in my direct circle heard it. I know there were kids around, and I shouldn’t have said it, but again, my brain just does not process that word as being a bad word. And I know I don't have kids, and until I do, I doubt my mind will really be aware that “there are kids around” and to watch the language. It was then that my uncle, who was sitting 2 seats down from me, 180 degrees from where my brother was tapped me on the shoulder. Everyone was looking at me when he told me not to speak like that in front of his kids. This is the thing that I disagree with. Now, I just want to make it clear; I am not trying to justify what I did. I realize it was in the wrong. I just want to point out this infamous bubble and how I plan to avoid it with my children.

I was quite embarrassed. I apologized. Then I looked around to see how close the nearest child was, who was not in hearing distance and who was playing with her cousins, not even paying attention to my conversation. It was then that I thought my uncle had an overreaction. Like I said, I was embarrassed and it really killed my mood. I was not as willing to talk to my brother, because I just felt stupid. So I began to wrap this concept around my brain.

Here I am, a guest in his home, (and granted I said a bad word, but quite a mild bad word. It wasn’t like I dropped the F-bomb. I said hell for hell’s sake) and he went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable, and like a really disappointing person, in an attempt to keep his children’s ears free and clear from the word hell. It's not like his kids are babies. They are 15, 11, and 8. It's not like they have not heard that word at school or on radio or TV. However, instead of teaching his children that ‘there are people in the world, even family that we love, who don't have the same values as we do, but that isn’t a reason to treat them badly or disrespectfully. We can still love them even though they make bad choices.’ Instead, he attacked the guest, whom, in my opinion, he should go out of his way to be hospitable to. Here is a great example of how the bubble is created. The ‘I don't want to even allow my children to hear that word’ mentality becomes the greater goal. In my opinion, it should be about ‘how do I teach my children how to act in situations where they meet people who do not share their value systems?’ As a parent, I hope to make that a priority, to teach my children how to cope with evil, instead of making the efforts to keep them out of the evil. After all, we are supposed to be in the world, just not of the world.  It is the perfect example of how the bubble was created. Damn the bubble. It's not helping anyone.