The Feminist Movement. Part 6. The Decline of the Family.

The problems we are having in our current society are pretty serious. They are causing a lot of destruction, pain, and confusion. They are causing more and more children to grow up in broken homes or homes with never married mothers which usually equal no fathers. An intact family with both a mother and a father is biologically necessary to completely normal human development, and so the lack thereof cause a lot of people to have what we call in the pop psych world, issues. Issues of abandonment, issues of distrust, issues of low self esteem, issues of insecurity, and so on. We are then using those issues as excuses for making poor decisions and bad behavior, which more often than not affect dozens of lives outside of oneself and of course have a very negative effect on the society that we live in. Where did all these problems come from? I have asked myself this many times as I have pondered the problems we have now that we never had 50+ years ago. I have my own theory as how we digressed from a practically crimeless society with virtually zero percent divorce rate in the 50’s

into one that is crawling with crime and up to a 50% divorce rate. How did we go from a society where having sex out of wedlock was reserved for prostitutes who were disrespected, to a society where sex is almost expected on the first date and one night stands are as prevalent as brushing one’s teeth? A society where those who wait for marriage are pretty much mocked and looked at as prudes? Where did the digression start? Of course my theory is that it stemmed from the feminist movement, but before I get into explaining that, I want to get into what I believe to be the basic unit of society—the family. I just graduated with a minor in child and family studies in which I studied children, the family and family relationships quite extensively. The fact that the family is the basic unit of society was discussed over and over again. It is a fact. There have been numerous studied and it’s been proven and written up in plenty of journal entries and text books. Families are the cornerstone of civilization. Basically the idea is that when the family is stable, it produces stable offspring. When we want to examine society we just look into the families that make up that society. All those families who live in the ghetto have many similarities. Likewise those families who are living in the suburbs, or the gated, nice and clean community oriented neighborhoods—all of those families have similarities too. When the decline in our families began, the decline in our communities inevitably followed. When we stopped raising our children in strong, committed marriages they began to become weaker, less responsible members in our society. Families shape society. That is a proven fact. Now what is the one difference between the families in our society today and in the world 50 years ago? Yup, the Stay At Home Mom. Now, this is just my opinion and you can take it for what it is worth, it isn’t a proven theory. I didn’t read about this from a study conducted or from a professional. I was just thinking about the problems that we face as a society, the sex problems, the drugs, the abortions, the teen pregnancies, the stupidity of the growing generation, and so on and I was thinking about the Leave it to Beaver 50’s generation when this dawned upon me. The difference is mothers who were in the home taking care of the house and the family, and not somewhere else, working. When we took mothers out of the home chaos ensued. The decline in our society is largely a result of the feminist movement and the dying breed of the Stay At Home Mom. Being a wife and mother is unfortunately no longer respected and is no longer a priority in the families of our generation. A lot of feminists believe the nonsense of “No man is gonna tie me down! I ain’t gonna be a slave to any man. I'm not going to sacrifice anything for kids.” And then they get to 40 and realise “It was a lie that my womanhood was served by ignoring men and kids.”

This is why I am an anti feminist. Because I have come to truly know and understand that my womanhood IS served by sacrificing for your husband and children. That is where I have found happiness in life. (Granted I am single and I do not have children yet, but already I know and understand that that is where my life’s happiness is going to come from.) That is why I dream of nothing else than being a stay at home mother and taking care of my family. That is the role that the biology inside me was destined to do. It wasn’t until I realize that and started taping into that natural desire that I realized how happy a woman can really be. It was suppressed for so long by all the feminists in my life who have turned the role into a condescending one that I had to and still have to fight daily. Anytime I tell anyone of my plans to just be a stay at home mom, I am given quite a hard time about it. But at the same time, anytime I have a thought about being a parent, I am filled with joy, cause I get it. I get the biology of the gender role, and I get the source of happiness that it will someday bring to my life.  

In closing, I want to share a quote from the Doc from you.

The denial of the male/female differences, the tyranny of feminism, has resulted in the sexual revolution (casual sex, casual abortions), fatherless families, children being raised in “day orphanages” (my term for day care) instead of by a mommy and a daddy, and destructive mandates like Title IX. 

Neither men nor women are happier apart or together since feminism took hold in our society.  The ongoing response I’ve had to “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” proved this point as thousands of women wrote to tell me that they understood their power as women, appreciate their femininity, and have found tremendous happiness being their husband’s girlfriend instead of persistently disgusted wife.  Women have been discovering for several decades that “having it all” simultaneously is the quick road to an emotional implosion.

The efforts that are being made to equalize our society are causing a lot of problems. I for one rejoice in the difference men and women have. I do not find it disrespectful or offensive to be noticed for my differences in abilities or talents due to my gender. I actually have found endless joy in embracing those differences and looking forward to playing the role of wife and mother.

To Debbbbz. Love Me.

So, I Loooooooooove old movies. (Juile- put that on the list.) Especially old musicals. The dancing and the costumes and the music and the sheer talent that went into those films. They just don't make movies like they used to. I just wanted to give a shout out to one of my all time favorites... Debbie Reynolds. She is smokin. Those feet, that voice, and that beautiful face. She is a wonder and an amazement to behold. I mean just look at her! 

 She is picturesque

I just could not get enough of this woman! She is one of my favorite artists, and remember how much I love art? Everything she does is artistic. Everything she does is inspirational. Her singing, her dancing, even her costume arrangements! I could never tire of watching her be artsy.

Watching her and the dozen of other MGM legends is one of my favorite past times.

If you all have never seen her in Singing in the Rain, first go repent. And then, get it on Netflix. 

Love her. 

An Emblem of Magnanimity and True Courage

I would be willing to bet that most of you have seen this flag.

 

I would also be willing to bet that you don't know what it means.

This flag is very symbolic, and once a person knows the symbolism behind the flag, I would again be willing to bet they would be motivated to fly this flag alongside the Stars and Stripes. This flag is art in it's most inspiring form, and remember how much I love and am inspired by art? This flag is inspiring to me.  

So, today I am going to teach you what I know about the symbolism of this really cool flag, because I am all about educating people about the history of our country that touches me. 

This flag is called the Gadsden Flag, designed by an American General named Christopher Gadsden. Now, there is a lot of history and story behind the flag that I am not going to get into, because I am no history buff and no doubt I would get something wrong about the date or the war or the man and men behind this awesome flag. Instead, I simply want to tell you about what the snake means.

                                                                                                 

In December 1775, "An American Guesser" (we later believe to be Benjamin Franklin) anonymously wrote to the Pennsylvania Journal stating that he saw this flag on one of the drums belonging to the marines. He stated that each country has its own mascot and he believed this to be the mascot of the American country. He then speculated why he thought a snake would be a fitting mascot for this great country. He gave an awesome and fitting analysis.

Firstly, for those of you who don't know about the behavior of a rattle snake, they never begin an attack but once they do, they never surrender. They fight to the death. They never strike until they have generously given notice to their enemy and cautioned them against the danger of treading on it. Or, as The American Guesser put it: “She never begins an attack, nor, when once engaged, ever surrenders: She is therefore an emblem of magnanimity and true courage.”

Can you see the parallel to America? The rattle snake therefore becomes an “emblem of magnanimity and true courage” truly fitting for this great American country. Then comes the powerful and bold warning not to tread on this creature. Just as the early American Colonists warned Britain.

How beautiful is that?

There is more symbolism in the rattles. I'm sure most of you know that originally there were 13 American Colonies. Well, this just happens to be the number of rattles the average snake has. Also, it is symbolic of the loyalty and connectedness that those original colonies had for and towards each other. It is, as this American Guesser stated “curious and amazing to observe how distinct and independent of each other the rattles of this animal are, and yet how firmly they are united together, so as never to be separated but by breaking them to pieces. One of those rattles singly, is incapable of producing sound, but the ringing of thirteen together, is sufficient to alarm the boldest man living."

There is even more symbolism in this Join or Die flag that Benjamin himself designed that those of you fellow and faithful tea party activists have certainly seen:

It is more symbolism on the 13 colonies, with New England at the head and South Carolina at the tail and the rest following their order along the coast. I am sure there are more stories behind these 2 flags that are fascinating and inspiring, I am as I stated no expert and am unaware of every story or symbolism.

I am inspired by the courage, boldness, pride, and leadership that our founding fathers had. They knew the beauty in the concept of freedom and liberty. They fought hard. They were divinely inspired and divinely helped. They worked hard and sacrificed everything they had for what we have in front of us now. It took them being controlled in England to be able to appreciate what the idea of America could offer them. It scares me to death that the citizens of our country are unaware of the magnanimity of liberty and are literally falling asleep while those who yearn for control and dictatorship take serious advantage of our innocence, trust, and obliviousness. Let us awaken and take back what our founding fathers gave to us. Because as I see it now, we are having our liberties stripped from us, our freedoms pried from our no longer grasping fingers and we are about to have the rug ripped right out from under us. Will that wake us up I wonder? It is time we once again lived up to our symbol of the rattle snake. It is time we once again stand up and become again an emblem of magnanimity and true courage.

One. Gorgeous. Redhead.

“Once in his life every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous red head.” Lucille Ball

One day, one lucky man will fall madly in love with this gorgeous red head:

I am beautiful. 

It took me 24 ½ years of life before I was able to even say that, let alone believe it. And I am only able to do both now thanks to the Doc. 

I struggled for 24 ½ years of life with self esteem. I would go through stages here and there of having less and more self esteem. I would go through periods of having or faking confidence. But deep down, I was convinced I was ugly. Deep down, I was convinced I was fat. Deep down, I was convinced I was completely undesirable to boys of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Deep down, I could NEVER even fathom the idea that someone besides my family (who are morally obligated) could possibly love me. It was tough.

Then I found the Doc. The Doc, over the course of about a year taught me how to love myself. She taught me where my identity and self worth needed to come from. She taught me where I ought to find my sense of well being and sense of value. Up until that point I had always thought I would find it in the amount that other people loved and cared about me.

It was from her I best learned that a tremendous amount of insecurities often come when there is insufficient bonding between a parent and child. The first place we get a sense of value is a parent’s love. There were some dynamics in my early life, including the breaking down of my beloved home due to divorce, which I can now see lead to low self esteem as a pre-teen to teenage life, and well into my young adulthood. I was looking any place I could to be filled up with love. Friends, family, boyfriends, acquaintances, you name it. Everyone else had control of my self worth. I found it absolutely impossible to love myself.

It seemed to just click one day listening to the Doc, although I am certain that it was over the course of at least 9 months of solid listening and pondering. The only place where my identity, self worth, wellbeing and sense of self could now come from was within myself, and it had to be earned.

My whole life I had been measuring my self worth by the type of people that really loved me. From the Doc I learned what a mistake that had been. The hardest I’d ever fallen, the one time where every ounce of my identity and self worth had been given to another was with the ex. I have mentioned him before, and I will likely mention him again. (I only have one real EX that I will ever refer to on the blog) when this man broke up with me, (I feel juvenile admitting this) it was the single most traumatic experience I had ever experienced in my life. I was 23. We had dated for about a year and deep down I was miserable with him. He treated me bad. He took advantage of my kindness and willingness to be a good girlfriend. He took me for granted. He never chose me over his friends (even though I chose him over my friends all too frequently). All in all, he was not a good boyfriend. Everyone who saw us interact was wondering what in the hell I was thinking. I will tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that I finally found someone who loved me. I thought that for sure if I could get this man to love me than I was in fact lovable. I was trying to prove to myself that someone in the universe was capable of saying “I love you” to me—something that I had previously thought was completely impossible. I also was thinking that because I was so unlovable, he was the best I could ever dream of being with and I’d had better appreciate those words while I had them, because I may never hear them again. It was as though I was feasting on my last meal. You would think that as miserable as I was with him I would have been happy to break up and be freed from him. I wasn’t. I was devastated. I was holding on to him as my last shred of human worth, and when he looped me off, I felt as though my very existence could be looped off without a single person taking notice.

 It was a tough time in my life, but I don't want anyone to think that it is how I still feel. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for this period of time in my life. I look at it as one of the most valuable learning experiences in my life. It's like those cliché sayings about having to see how dark things can really get before being able to appreciate the light. Well my friends, I can finally say I know and appreciate what it feels like to love yourself, because I truly know what it is like to loathe yourself.

I now understand the light and life that comes from truly and sincerely loving oneself. The Doc was the only person who has been successful in my life at teaching me to love myself. For this, I will love her forever. She has made my life bright and enjoyable. I know the title of my blog sounds uber cheesy, but I kid you not, I had NO CLUE what life could be like until I started seeing it through her eyes. I was alive (breathing in and out) but I was not alive (finding joy in the journey) until I found her. That is what I mean by living half alive.

So, I am sure those of you who find yourself to be difficult to love are dying to know just what it is she said that made it click with me… Here is one of my favorite paraphrased explanations on self esteem from the Doc:

Self esteem is a person’s awareness of their value. That’s earned. If no matter what you do, there is no judgment towards you, everything you do us just all wonderful then you have an inflated notion about yourself not built on earning it. And its ephemeral (short lived). Our self esteem comes from our efforts. Self esteem comes from impressing the self, and you impress the self with hard work and tenacity. Once you learn that you can accomplish a frustrating or a difficult task because there is deeper in you, you will find self esteem. That truly impresses the self. When you come to know that by your own efforts you are ok… that is the solid stuff. Getting hurt and surviving it will also make you solid.

A selfish man “loving me” never taught me any self esteem. Working hard and sacrificing myself to serve others-- did. Working hard to look honestly at my weaknesses and putting forth real effort to improve on those weaknesses-- did. Coming to learn what a real woman looks like and acts like and putting forth great effort to become just that-- did. Putting forth hard work in school and in my job--did. Learning how to become a better friend-- did. Owning up, swallowing my pride, apologizing for my wrongdoings and taking responsibility for my actions-- did. Looking in the mirror, and telling that tough critic in my head to shut the hell up-- did. Finally believing that I am beautiful, inside and out--did. Finally understanding that I do have something amazing to offer a man in a relationship-- did.  

I used to think that I would be lucky to have any crumb bum who would take someone as unimpressive as me. I no longer think that. Now I know that whoever chooses me, will be the luckiest man in the world. I now know that I have the world to offer someone. I now know that I deserve the best and will hold out till I find nothing less. One day, one lucky man will fall madly in love with this gorgeous red head.

A Dream Remembered.

"There was a land of Cavaliers and Cotton Fields called the Old South. Here in this pretty world, Gallantry took its last bow. Here was the last ever to be seen of Knights and their Ladies Fair, of Master and of Slave. Look for it only in books, for it is no more than a dream remembered, a Civilization gone with the wind....”

Gone with the wind is the Doc’s favorite movie, she talks about it a lot. Until about a month ago I had never seen it, so I figured I’d had better watch it so I would know better what she was talking about. I am very glad that I did, because not only was it a great movie but she has since made reference to it dozens of times and I finally know what she is taking about. Immediately I was drawn in. I was impressed with the culture and the language and the costumes and the dating rituals. For those of you who have not seen it, I will give you a brief synopsis (and yes, the following paragraph is brief, considering this is a four hour film). This synopsis is my personal interpretation of the film… whether or not I am accurate in that interpretation of the film is debatable. But the following is how I interpreted the events. (And since I have heard more on the Doc’s interpretation I realize I may not have seen things the same way that she did.)

.

Scarlet O’Hara is a rich, spoiled, single woman who is in love with a young man named Ashley. Ashley is engaged to be married to someone else. Scarlet makes a fool of herself trying to steal Ashley from his beloved fiancé with no luck. He marries and she then marries someone she does not love to make Ashley jealous. He never blinks an eye in her direction. She becomes a widow due to the war and again swoops in to try to steal away Ashley from his adoring wife. She continues to act like a fool, spoiled and selfish through another marriage (a man whom she stole away from another woman in the neighborhood, a man whom she had no regard towards but only married him for the money and business opportunity he provided her). All this is going on while, Rhett Taylor, a rogue scalawag is madly in love with Scarlett. She is not interested, or so it seems. She fights him off until she realizes that he could be taken advantage of. Meanwhile, the Civil War has swept through Scarlet’s beloved hometown and destroyed her home. She is poverty stricken and finally learns how to work. You would think she would learn some humility and kindness, but in regards to most, she continues to be mean and selfish. The only person she is consistently kind to is Melanie- the wife of her beloved Ashley. Sometimes it seems sincere, other times it seems that it is only in an attempt to steal Ashley away when given a chance. Her second husband dies and Rhett proposes. She accepts but during their whole marriage she still claims to be in love with Ashley. Rhett stays by her side, trying and trying and trying to win her love and affection. He is obviously jealous of Ashley but he never lets that take an effect on how he treats her. Finally, at the end of the film he has had it with her. He refuses to stay by while Scarlet continues to choose Ashley over him. She has committed the ultimate betrayal. He decides to leave her. It is at this point that Scarlett finally realizes what love is, and realizes that she doesn’t nor ever did really love Ashley, but she does and always has loved Rhett.

***Spoiler alert:

I have heard this last line many times before, but I never realized it was from Gone With The Wind. She begs him to stay, and I thought for sure he would. But he doesn’t. As she is petitioning him to stay she asks him what she will do without him. He replies: “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn” and walks off into the sunset. She is in despair. She finally is completely alone, left to live the life she has created for herself and the movie ends.

At first I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why this is the Doc’s favorite movie. I was surprised over and over again at the behavior of Scarlet, knowing that the Doc must disapprove of her childish and selfish behavior. It does not have a happy ending and it does not show a lot of ethical or moral behavior on the part of Scarlett, and the Doc is all about the morals and ethics in life. Then it hit me. The Doc loves Rhett Taylor.  

What I can understand is the practical application of Scarlett’s behaviors in a lot of what the Doc preaches. First, a point which she makes often, men will only take abuse for so long before they finally have had enough. Some men can take more than others. Scarlett spent years neglecting Rhett and never spent any time showing him love or respect. He had a boiling point that I never thought he would reach. He finally did. Scarlett taught us a powerful lesson on how to treat our men.

Also, men used to be honorable and strong. They took care of their women. They respected, honored and cherished their women. Men were real men. Since the feminist movement and the problem of casual sex, the necessity men had to be real men disappeared as they were allowed to be jerks and still get off.

Women knew what womanly wiles were and they knew how to use them. They understood that to control a man, all you needed to do was use your womanly wiles. Men love womanly wiles and are happy to do what their women ask of them when asked through those wiles, creating a win-win situation. These days the concept of womanly wiles seems to be foreign to women. Instead they have taken to nagging and bitching to control their men. Men get resentful and depressed, women feel like the bitches they are. A lose-lose situation.

There are also many smaller lessons we can learn thorough the film. I was impressed with the concept of manners and hospitality shown by the people in the era. I was impressed with the modesty and the old fashioned dating rituals. I feel that those times were far superior to many aspects of our time. Overall I would say that I enjoyed the film. It can be a challenging 4 hour film but I would recommend it. I appreciate the lessons that time period taught me about dating, manners, clothing, and language. I appreciate the timeless lessons that can be applied to relationships between men and women. Womanly wiles are valuable beyond measure for a healthy relationship, and men do have a higher tolerance for mistreatment, but it is there and there will come a point that a woman will lose her man if she fails to treat him well.

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago, right after I had seen the film. Since writing it I have heard many more statements and references to the movie by the Doc. I will say that I have come to understand better what makes it her favorite film, how amazing Rhett is and how foolish Scarlett is. Today I would write my interpretation of the film a little differently, but that isn’t super important to the point. Just yesterday I heard her say the following statement about the movie. She was talking to a woman who was in love with a weak man. The Doc was trying to warn her against that and she used the film to illustrate the point.

Scarlett O’Hara loves Ashley Wilkes, the weak man and she misses the relationship of a lifetime.

I get it. I love the lessons this classic film teaches. I am holding out for a real man.  

 And I wont be as dumb as Scarlett.

The Feminist Movement. Part 5. Casual Sex.

Alright, it has been about 3 weeks since I have drilled you with the feminist movement. It’s time to bring on part 5. Casual Sex.  

Thanks to the feminist movement and “free love” our society has disrespected sex to nothing more than something that strangers practically expect of each other simply to feel good.

It’s ironic really, because this trend of casual sex has created a species of jerks. When a man has nothing to work for, he is not going to take the initiative to work for it. We women are the gatekeepers of morality. When we demand nothing of our men, quite typically the man will not decide on his own to esteem to anything. Before the feminist movement, if a man wanted to bed a woman he had to court a her, prove his worthiness, and devote his life to her, to taking care of her, protecting her, and providing for her. Then and only then was he allowed to bed her. Now that we women simply bed any man we meet, these guys are feeling pretty damn good about themselves. They get what they want most without ever having to work hard for it. This turns men into jerks. We women are solely responsible for the creation of jerks. We allow men to be jerks because we date them. If a jerk never got a date, he would be forced to change his ways, but since we date these guys they are never motivated to become good kind and decent. And after we have created the society full of jerks, we complain that there are no good men left. We whine when men disrespect us, don't act chivalrous towards us, yet we take no responsibility that we never demanded respect. We first disrespected ourselves by letting men have a warm place to put it without demanding any regard toward us. Jerks would be extinct if we stopped dating them. If men were no longer able to get any sexual perks without making a marital commitment towards women first they would soon realize that they can no longer be jerks. But since we do not demand anything of our men, and we don't make them work hard for sex, there will always be jerks.

The Doc goes over this idea almost daily on her show. I have heard her different versions of explaining how casual sex created jerks probably 100 times. I have done my best to put into words the lessons I have learned from her. She has however blogged about this a couple times. One of the best explanations I have ever heard on the subject comes from a comparison she makes between our society and that of the Pride and Prejudice time period. I want you to read the words she has to say on the subject. If you are interested in the original blog posting, you can find it here. I have also copied and pasted it below. 

Timeless Lessons from a Classic Story
By Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I have watched film adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice in all its incarnations many, many times, and I recently watched the 2005 film version again. I love the film…no matter what criticisms may be about a portrayal or a performance. I clearly have a profound attraction to this work.

First and foremost, I love the utter regard the men had for women, which is evident from how they addressed them: “Miss…” (and their first names if they were single) or “Mrs….” (and their last names if they were married). Men bowed upon entering and leaving a woman’s presence, and women curtsied, even under unpleasant conditions. Flirting was ever-so-subtle: a look, a light “accidental” touch of a hand. A man romantically yearned for and tried to earn the affections of a woman. The sweetness of the regard for women in this era (particularly in upper and middle classes) was something to be admired, and something we now miss. There was a clear distinction between a “good” woman and an easy, loose woman or whore.

That distinction is gone today. Now, women put down good money for music that represents them as whores without pay. So many young men are casual about women and sex in general, and sex is a casual expectation almost always fulfilled.

Young women scoff at dignity and modesty as just stupid, prudish, sexist notions. They “shack up” with some dude without a marital commitment, yet expect the love and respect, fidelity and loyalty to exist without the spoken vows, only to be disappointed, hurt, and generally confused.

There was a recent film comedy, called “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,” in which Matthew McConaughey (in a twist on Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”) got to go back into his life to see all his old girlfriends. There was one scene in the television ad for the movie which showed a seemingly endless dining table filled with hundreds of girls. Obviously, this was meant to show how shallow and manipulative he had been. To me, it just showed how many stupid girls there were (and are), “putting out” in a situation where there was clearly no respect, regard, or intent.

Men used to have to ask a woman’s dad for permission to “court” her, even when the woman was an adult! Now, all he has to do is show her a bedroom, back seat of a car, or a motel room, and the date is sealed. When men had to explain and express their intentions, they had to take the whole activity of dating much more seriously, as there were personal and social consequences to misleading a young lady. That reputation would annihilate any chances he might have had of marrying a good woman. He’d have to move states or provinces away. Now? That kind of rakish reputation makes girls/women want to line up to get some from an infamous entity.

The women’s revolution did not raise any consciousness worth elevating. It mostly diminished a woman’s sense of herself as special, minimized her value in the minds of men, put sex on the level of animals, created a nanny/baby-sitter/institutionalized day care financial boom (as women gave up the blessing of nurturing their own children), increased the use of abortion as a birth-control technique when an accidental pregnancy occurred with a guy who did not want fatherhood, created perpetually unhappy, angry, nasty wives, and made it very difficult for “nice girls” to be respected and cherished.

The last scene in Pride and Prejudice between the two now-married lovers has them discussing what she wants to be called by him when he is not using her given name. He suggests one name, and she rejects it sweetly, because it is what her father calls her. She then asks him what he will call her when he is angry. He, not being able to envision that situation, talks to her about always letting her know how lovingly important his happiness in wrapped up in her…forever…and he kisses her gently about her face as he says “Mrs. Darcy” over and over again. He gave her his heart, his life, his vows, and his name. And, in that era, giving a woman your name was the ultimate public and private statement of his total commitment to her, which makes that scene so moving to most of us, and infuriating to feminists who see that scene only as ripping away the woman’s identity.

I always cry at the end of the movie.

I cry also for what women have given up in exchange for wanting to have it all and not be subordinate to a man. I don’t know…I kinda think being on a pedestal is not subordinate. But what do I know? I’m only a recovered feminist.

The other problem I see with casual sex is that it creates false intimacies. I buy the opinion that all too often people today don't know love if it hit them on the face. People today have sex like rabbits, and become torn between real and false emotions. This leads to very unsatisfactory relationships. People bond sexually within the first 3 weeks of dating and then they wonder why 3 years later their spouse or shack-up boyfriend or girlfriend has turned into a horrible person. If you dated a person for 1 or 2 years and didn't sleep together you would have a much better idea of why you loved them. If you have sex in 3 weeks you are emotionally bonded without knowing who or what they really are. Look at what happened to the divorce rate around the 1970’s. It skyrocketed. Why? Because free love became rampant. 

In closing I want to share with you two videos on the subject, both from the expert herself. I realize that I have already quoted a lot from her today, but she is so much more eloquent and bold than I am. Both videos have become powerful messages to me and I recommend them to anyone, they cannot be missed, regardless of your personal values.

This first one goes over casual sex and the attitude that it has created. It is called: 

These Days, Most Women Are Pigs. 

This next video goes over dating and the roles that men and women should play when courting each other. It also plays right into the connection made between jerks and how women are responsible for creating them. It is called:

Dating Roles: NOTHING has Ever Changed

The Feminist Movement has really done a lot for us hasn't it? Personally, I would love to go back to the simpler times and be truly courted. That is the respect I have learned to demand for myself, thanks to none other than the Doc herself.

Where Do You Get Off?

I wanted to take a moment and add a little disclaimer to my blog. I understand completely that I have been blogging about some very controversial topics. This won't stop. And as I have said in my bio, and as anyone who knows me will agree, I am rather opinionated. This is probably pretty obvious to anyone who has read my writings or heard me talk before. I wanted to let you all know that I feel qualified to be talking about these topics for a number of reasons (feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit). Where exactly do I get off being so opinionated, bold and blunt? I plan to justify that in this posting. I also wanted to share my purpose and desire in writing about these topics with all of you. In order to do this, I need to share a little bit of background with you.

I come from a broken home and was strongly influenced by some feminist women in my youth.

This is not something I like to talk openly about, especially to those who know my family, because I don't want the reputation of my family to be soiled in any way. This is not a place where I would like to share intimate details of our family life or details about my parents. I will attempt to be as sensitive as possible with regards to my past, yet share with all of you why I feel so strongly about the feminist movement, and where I get off doing what I do here.

My first qualification comes from my childhood. I am living proof that divorce, remarriages, and having more children with the new spouse hurt kids. I am still, at 25.5 years old, dealing with the hurt, pain, frustration, and anger that stemmed from my parents divorces, remarriages, and making more kids that happened over 15 years ago. I will say it again. Divorces, remarriages, and more kids hurts children. I am also still dealing with some of the problems that have come as a result of my mother having to go back to work after her decision to divorce. Not having an at home mom was very painful to me and my siblings. I am again living proof that having a working mother can easily lead to a lot of overlooking. Also, the parental figures in my life were easily distracted from their parenting duties by the new relationships they were actively seeking. I know what I am talking about when I write about pain, issues, and damage that stems from these things. I am typically coming to you with the point of view of children that are in broken home situations.

My second qualification comes from my education. I have a bachelor's degree in social work. With this degree comes a great deal of study on temporary mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self esteem, bi-polar, eating disorders, ADHD, insecurities, and so on. I also did extensive studies about the effects of abuse, neglect, divorce, etc. and I write a lot about these findings and how I see them relating to divorce, single parent homes, remarriages, abuse, and so on. I did an internship working with adolescent sex offenders. I am well versed in the sexual offense cycle and see so much of it coming from the broken home. I also have a minor in child and family studies. I spent years studying the development of human beings and the different needs humans have at the developmental stages of life. Typically, when I talk about the importance of children growing up with a mom and dad and other similar needs of children, it comes from this side of my education. I do not claim to know everything, but I do write about what I have learned and what I know from my education and experience with social work.

My third qualification comes from my work in the public school systems. I am a substitute teacher and I work daily with children who we often label trouble youth, misguided youth, out of control youth, and so on. I can immediately, and fairly accurately tell what kids come from what kinds of backgrounds, by their attitude and appearance. Also, when I talk about the education our schools are providing, which I plan to do more of in the future, I know what I am talking about. When I talk about the idiots that we are passing on to the next grade level, I speak from firsthand experience. I speak with accuracy when I tell you that most kids in the junior high level are academic idiots.

My fourth qualification comes from being a student of the expert herself, the Doc. I understand that this one is entirely debatable. Some of you may think of her as a crack pot. That is just fine. Those of you who are unaware of her qualifications, she has a Ph.D. in physiology and is a certified marriage and family therapist, and was in private practice for 12 years. She has been doing what she does on the radio for over 30 years. She knows her shit. I am confident that she knows her shit. One can only help but to learn that shit after so many hours of attentive listening.That does not mean that I follow her blindly. I listen and critically think about what she has to say. With my professional education being what it is, I find her more and more credible, because I see the parallel to what she does with what we study in the classroom and in the profession of social work. From my personal history, I see that she is accurate in her positions on divorce, dating, self esteem, eating disorders, and so on. I try very hard not to just regurgitate her words, but instead, I try to explain the lessons I have learned in my life that have stemmed from her wisdom, feelings she stirred in me, and experiences I have had as a result of her. I do share a lot of similar opinions because I have seen the literal application to them in my own life.

My purpose in writing about the controversy is not to upset anyone. It is not to make judgments about anyone. It is not to make decisions for anyone’s family. It is really to bring some knowledge and perspective that I have to offer to men, women and children who find themselves in situations laid out on the blog. If I have any chance of helping any parent out there not to make the same mistakes that were made in my life, it is worth the criticism I am getting. I hear about so many mothers, especially in my fields of work as both a social worker and a substitute teacher who simply don't give a second thought to the needs of their children. That is my biggest fear about parents. I guess one of the reasons why I am so passionate about the subjects I keep blogging about is because of my life's experiences and how difficult they were when they didn't need to be. Those of you who are upset with my rants against these issues- know that I am blogging to do what I can to help children.

If I have the chance to help one child have a better childhood than I did, it’s worth it to me. I appreciate you respecting that point of view. I don't mind anyone disagreeing with me, but there are some very common mistakes being made from a majority of parents that hurt kids. Our deteriorating society is a reflection of that hurt. I am just doing what I feel I can to help parents see it from their child's point of view, and like I said, if I have the chance to help a child, it’s something I am willing to. Next time you feel like this:  

(Ticked at me for something I have said) 

I would appreciate you simply remembering my goal here. Like the Doc, I want to help children.

Thanks for those of you who take my opinions with a grain of salt and read my blog from the perspective of trying to help any child who may find him or herself in a situation similar to mine.

Now, I think you are ready for more of the feminist movement :)

The wisdom of George (is there such a thing?)

In case you cant read this it says:

“Bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women.” -George

I LOVE Seinfeld. But that love is not what this post is about. I just thought this quote was fitting for what I am going to blog about.

One of my favorite Dr. Laura quotes has come to open up the world to me over the past year as I have really come to understand it more and more.

Stop whining. Start living.

It's a powerful little motto. It has been a great attitude check point as I have journeyed through life and come face to face with the challenges of that life. My story behind this little mantra is one that I would like to blog about today.   

I don't think it’s a secret to anyone who knows me that I am ready to wed. I have finished all the big milestones young single adults have to accomplish short of marriage and I am dating for the purpose of finding a spouse. Sometimes this fact frustrates me, because the dating game is so wearisome. I often wish I was just on the other end of it, but I was never really too worried about the amount of time I spent being frustrated with it until about a year ago when I was emailed by a good friend who lives some distance away. She was simply distraught with the fact that she was 26 and not married yet. We discussed different details about her life and situation in some detail over the course of a few weeks, but the thing that I just kept seeing was her attitude about the whole thing. She just kept expressing over and over again how much she hated her life. She just wanted to be married and with every passing day that she was not married, she became more and more bitter and negative. She never had anything positive to say about her situation. She just kept complaining about not being married yet. I was so turned off by this attitude that I was sure it is one of the things that was holding her back. It immediately dawned on me what Dr. Laura meant when she said Stop Whining. Start Living. This girl was so caught up in the difficulties of being single that she refused to find any other kind of joy in her life. She indeed had stopped living her life in order to complain. This was a very powerful example to me of how quickly focusing on the frustrations of life can take away the joys of life.

At this time, being unmarried is probably the main complaint I have in my life. While it can be frustrating at times, I realized that I can either focus on the downside of being single, or I can focus on continuing my personal progression in spite of being single. I have many goals in life that include children and a husband, but I also have many goals in life that have nothing to do with being married or having children. I decided after this experience with my friend that I refuse to hold myself back from accomplishing my ‘single’ list just because I can't accomplish my ‘married’ list. I was so sad for this girl who honestly could not think of one single good thing about her life. She was so focused on that one part of her life that wasn’t how she wanted it that she couldn’t focus on any other good thing in life. Life is full of joy for me regardless of the fact that I am single. I have found great joy over the years focusing on becoming a better person. Accomplishing different goals I have set for myself. Doing all the fun things single people get to do. Learning to love and respect myself. Cultivating some very important friendships and other opportunities that life has afforded me. As I continue to grow and develop regardless of my marital status, I’ve become aware that living as a single person is an affirmation of strength and self—not an embarrassing admission of failure.

I have faith that someday I will get married. But I refuse to wait till then to begin my life. I am very careful not to spend any time being frustrated with being single, because there is so much more to life than being married.

 There is a little saying I heard when I was younger and really stuck with me over the years. “You must be the man you wish to marry.” George has his own little interpretation of the same idea. George knows that he is a looser. He also knows that as a loser he is in no position to approach non-loser women. This little quote, "you must be the man you wish to marry" meant to me that if I want to marry someone who was educated, I must become educated. If I wanted to marry someone with a love for his family, I must love my family. If I wanted to marry someone who is driven and goal oriented, I must be driven and goal oriented. If I just sit around sulking and waiting to wed, I won’t be worthy of anyone really impressive.

One of the religious leaders of my faith, in an address directed towards young, single women gave this advice which echoes beautifully the point I am trying to make. 

“If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience and planning. Don't wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself.” Elder Dallin H. Oaks 

  

In other words, Stop Whining. Start Living. I appreciate these statements of advice and think of them daily.

I don't ever want anyone to think that I am just waiting around to get married. I am not. I am moving forward, living my life, ready to wed when the right opportunity presents itself. I am not just sitting around waiting in any sense of the word. I am living and loving my life and progressing as an individual

Thanks to the Doc, I have learned the importance of utilizing the life I do have, utilizing it to bring me happiness and joy regardless of being in situations that are less than desirable.

Defenders of the Ungrateful?

“The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional as to how they perceive the veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation.” George Washington

Some of us don't do real well on this.

I would like to add to this powerful quote by President Washington. These veterans sacrificed for a reason. They sacrificed for freedom, liberty, and honor. They sacrificed for the American flag and what it means. When we don't respect the reason these veterans went to war, why would anyone want to risk and sacrifice their lives just so we can be disrespectful to our freedoms? We need to not only honor and respect the veteran, but we need to honor and respect the reasons why they went to war. 

 

How dare we be so disrespectful to the reason our Defenders die.

My Inner World.

I read this once on the Doc’s Blog:

Friends want to experience each other’s joys and heartaches as part of bonding with and mending each other. I have watched [my friend] put herself out for me, stand up for me, and bend over backwards to make me happy.  I am one lucky woman to have such a blessing in my life.  Friends - really good friends - are a rare commodity:  you have to have just the right chemistry, attitude, understanding, forgiveness, openness, kindness, and thoughtfulness.  A good friend brings all that out in you.  A good friend makes you a better person…… Good friends have each other’s best interests at heart and accept each other’s quirks with humor… And consider yourself very fortunate if you have someone who resonates with you in this lifetime. Reference

Few people in my life have taught me about true friendship. I have been able to make many friends over my high school and college years, but few of them have remained. Few of them I would feel comfortable turning to, seeking advice from. Few of them have taught me about real life. Few of them have stuck by me despite my not always loyal actions. Those few, who have been there for me, have taught me mountains about true friendship. Those few, are girls with whom I can share my inner world. Those friends deserve the best life has to offer. Those friends deserve to be publicly thanked, recognized, and noticed for their contribution to my life. I am a different person having known these 4 gals. Through these girls I am blessed. There are hundreds of different qualities true friends have, these girls have many of those qualities. But as I think of each of them, one quality really comes quickly to mind. Girls, I want you to know the strengths I see in you. Girls, you are my true friends. Girls, here is to you.

Julie

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." -Unknown

This girl has Loyalty.

Julie and I met way back in 4^th or 5^th grade. When my parents divorced, my father moved into the home right across the street from Julie. We became buddies whenever I was at my dad’s house for the weekend. Right away I noticed the loyalty Julie had for me. We were 12 years old playing truth or dare and jumping on the trampoline and I could just sense this strong loyalty she had to me. I don't think she knows this, but way back then, that loyalty she had towards me empowered me. It came as a source of great strength and oddly enough, even a source of some self esteem. No one had ever really ever loved me the way that she had and it felt really good. I never really admitted to her how much she meant to me back when we were young teenagers but I would like her to know now. I needed the friendship she so quickly and unconditionally gave to me. And I sensed the loyalty she had towards me right away. I wish I as a young child I could have helped her the way that she helped me. My dad moved away after about 5 years and Julie and I lost touch a little bit until we happened to get the same summer job working at a girl’s camp. Since then this girl and I have basically been inseparable. The loyalty she has towards me (and any of her friends) has just grown stronger and stronger over the years. We have followed a similar pattern in life. We entered the MTC on the same day. She is the one and only that I can tell everything to. She knows the most intimate details of my life. I tell her things I wouldn’t dream of telling any other person on the planet. And through it all, she has never judged me, never betrayed me, never faltered for one instant in her dedication towards me. I didn’t realize just how loyal she was until about a year and a half ago when most of her family betrayed me. I thought she would stay loyal to her family. I am kind of ashamed of thinking that. I didn’t realize the loyalty that is charred into this girl’s soul. Instead she gave up her family to stay loyal to me. I am grateful for this girl who has taught me about loyalty, and so much more. 

 Jessi

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself." -Unknown

This girl is Genuine.

 Jessi is pretty legit. We met senior year of high school. Prior to our meeting I admired her from afar for quite some time, thinking she was out of my league for friendship. She was the most talented and beautiful girl in school. She was the girl that everyone looked up to. I don't remember how we met, but when we did this girl immediately embraced me. I was flattered to say the least. This girl had the opportunity to be friends with anyone, the cream of the crop. Yet she never for a moment ever made me feel less than that. I myself never thought I was cream of the crop, but she did. Over the years I have realized that she has thousands of friends, yet she has the most amazing talent of making you feel like the center of her universe when she is with you. This girl has come to mean a lot to me over the years. She is wise beyond her years and has given me wells of very useful advice. She is strong beyond normal human strength and I found strength in my heartache by the strength she showed in her heartache. This girl is very close to God and her faith has strengthened my own. This girl is creative and has the Midas touch, anything she does turns into beauty. This girl is considerate and has done a lot that has buoyed my spirits over the years. I love this girl. I look up to her. I'm glad that she chose me. 

[Oh, and this girls mamma… one of the most charming people there is to be around. Her influence can be felt immediately. Jackie has no idea how much I look up to and appreciate the person she is!]

 Danger

 “A good friend will bail you out of jail.  A GREAT friend is one who sits beside you and says ‘Wow that was fun!’”

This girl is fun.  

I remember the moment the two of us met. I knew her older sister, who recommended that the two of us become friends. We met at job training for a girl’s camp back in 2006 and instantly we were making each other laugh. If you think you know what laughter is, you don't. Not until you have seen Danger and I together. There is never a dull moment with her. Even in the mist of her heartache, the greatest heartache a person can know, she still had me rolling on the floor. If I need to laugh, I call the D-Dawg. If I need to tell someone a crass joke, she is the first that comes to mind. I can't think of a funnier person in the universe. The humor this beauty possesses is unmatched. She is the one person that I can be 100% most obnoxious self with who is never annoyed with it, but instead embraces it. She is the one to call if you need to be cheered up. She is the person to see if you need to do something crazy. She is always happy. She is always optimistic. She is always laughing. And I can't stop smiling for days after an encounter. She is the girl behind so many of my best stories. I love this one.

Kristen

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us." -Unknown

This girl is supportive.

Truer words could never have been spoken about this girl. Kristen and I met in 2004 while working together at the girl’s camp. We became friends. We got along well, we laughed together… a lot. We invented Sir Pooka and Sir Hollar, at what was certainly the funniest cookout known to man. After the camp was over she went her way and I went mine. Our lives took us in very different paths and we didn’t really stay in touch. We had a small sabbatical we like to say. About a year ago, for some reason (not really some reason—I'm certain that it was because God told her to) she fairly randomly invited me to her birthday party. She didn’t know this at the time, but I had just broken up with the boyfriend, and almost all the friends I had took his side, leaving me with basically no friends. I mean I had friends but I didn’t have any friends that I could hang out and have a social life with. I shyly went to her birthday party, praying that it could be a place I could make friends and she warmly answered my prayer. She took me under her wing, introduced me to her circle of friends, and stood as a beacon of light in my pretty dark world. A year later, she is one of my besties. The changes in my life that this girl is responsible for are have completely one eighty-ed my life. She acted in many ways as a crutch until I could stand on my own. She never judged me for who I was and only inspired me to become better. She took a desire I had gave me the perfect situation with which to foster that desire. I am a better person because of this girl. I have many friends because of this girl. And possibly best of all, I found a travel companion in this girl. I owe this girl.

 The Doc also said,

Frankly, friends are a necessary part of life, and there are all levels of friendships, from acquaintances with whom you can share experiences, to dear friends with whom you can share your inner world.

 

Thanks to my girls, with whom I can share my inner world.

The Oyster's Autobiography

"All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster's autobiography."
Federico Fellini

I have decided to take a little break from the Feminist movement. I only have 2 parts left, but it is such a controversial topic and it can be somewhat emotionally exhausting for people to take on. So, for the next little while, I am going to take a break from the feminist movement and move on to a few other more relaxed topics. Today, I am going to be covering a topic that I love. Art. I love art in pretty much every form there is. Dancing, Instruments, Costumes, Painting, Photography, Singing, Poetry, the Theater, Set Designs, Sculpting, Jewelry, Architecture. I could go on, but you get the idea. I love collecting art. Especially at places like the flea markets where people are trying to sell their homemade art. I tend to go a little crazy when there. I always end up buying something. I unfortunately don't have nearly enough wall space for it all where I currently reside. So I store it under my bed until I move into a home where I can go to town decorating. Come visit me in ten years and I guarantee every wall will be covered in some kind of art. Photographs, paintings, posters, canvas prints, even things like cool clocks will sometimes grab my eye. I don't think many people know this love of art about me. I guarantee that if any of you asked any of my family members, none of them would know this. They could tell you that I love watching dance because they all know my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance, but besides that, I don't think that anyone is aware. If a guy really wanted to impress me on a date, all he would need to do is take me to an art showing, any kind of art showing. At a museum, an art gallery, even something like a high school’s art show. Or he could take me to some kind of dance performance or play. I enjoy it all, from high school, to community, to Broadway. Yep, if he was seeking to impress, I would be thoroughly impressed. I love shopping for art. I love interpreting abstract art. I love watching a performance of some kind. I must say that I am a very tough critic, and will admit that I hate some paintings and photographs, some dances and some sculptures, but when I find something I love—I LOVE to soak it in. Artists are people I really admire.

I would like to share some of my favorite pieces with you all, so you can appreciate it too.

This painting is probably my all time favorite painting. I was just captured by it the first time I saw it. I was in Ukraine at an art flea market (my paradise right?) and I saw this painting. It was a replica obviously, but I wanted it so badly. I was even willing to pay the $150 they were asking. I just couldn’t think of a way I could get it home, so sadly I still do not own this painting. But I vow to own a replica someday. Without further adieu, it is called This Singing Butler by Jack Vettriano

This is a picture of my favorite drawing. It was done by a very talented artist and good friend of mine Brian Johnson. This guy was born with talent. When he showed me some of his stuff for the first time I was mesmerized and highly impressed. I told him if he ever wanted to sell some of his art, I would be a good customer. Then one day, a few years later he just brought this drawing over and gave it to me. It's been one of my prized possessions since. Unfortunately my photograph does it no justice. The point to this drawing is that you don't know if the two people in the picture are dancing or fighting. I have yet to figure it out.

This is one of my favorite pieces. I am not sure what kind of art this is called, but I have seen guys doing it before. They like spray paint a bunch of paint onto a piece of paper, then they fold up that paper so it’s in a funnel type thing, and they pour the paint onto the canvas and maneuver it into whatever they try to paint. I have no idea if I actually did justice to explaining how it is done or if all of you are just scratching your heads at me, I have no idea what I am talking about, and struggle for the right words. The artsy fartsy part of my brain was never developed and I can't do anything artsy (aside from this blog, which is debatable art) but it’s my FAVORITE! I love this thing. It’s one I bought at a flea market from an awesome artist.

 This is one of my favorite photographs. It is sort of for more than one reason. First of all, it’s a picture of my favorite singer, Steve Perry. Lead singer of Journey. Secondly, I love the angle, the abstractness of the picture, its art in and of itself. And I love and appreciate the dual purpose. Ever since I discovered Steve, I wanted a giant poster of him singing to hang somewhere. I searched for about 3 years before I found some vintage ones online, so this one does it for me.Its a poor quality photo for you guys to try to see.The lighting is bad and this is like a 28"X22" poster I hang in my room, shrunk way down.

 These are my favorite earrings. I bought them from a jewelry maker at the fair. This guy made the most gorgeous jewelry out of some kind of stone. I fell in love with these earrings immediately and are my most irreplaceable item of jewelry. 

 

 I could go on and on and on... But before I get anymore carried away, I must include my favorite expression of art... 

Dancing 

Dancing…. I don't think that I could ever pick a favorite dance. I watch SYTYCD more faithfully than I brush my teeth (maybe… I'm not actually admitting to that.) I have many pieces that have touched me over the years on that show, I have fallen in love with many of my favorite dancers. Three dances have really come to mind immediately without thought when I started writing this. Dozens more as I sit and think harder. The first comes with a story. She is a drug addict. He is the drug. Now watch it with that point of view. Choreographed by Mamma Mia (Mia Michaels.) 

 This is one of my favorite Wade Robson pieces. And he is one of my favorite choreographers.

And one more.This is about a couple who can't sleep because they are both mad at each other.It's their night, tossing and turning trying to work through this quarrel they have. 2 of my favorite dancers. Nappytabs choreographed this beauty.

Some other choreographers besides the three I just mentioned that I am forever impressed with and recommend watching any of their pieces on YouTube include Travis Wall, Tyce Diorio, Sonya Tayeh, and Toni Redpath. You really just can't go wrong watching SYTYCD. I could post a hundred more videos for you all to watch.

SYTYCD is not the only place I have seen and fallen in love with dancing. Broadway is another place where I have had the love affair. Also my high school's Drill Team 100 years ago when I was a student. I still remember several pieces they did. They were phenomenal. A professional ballet I saw in Ukraine, the infamous Swan Lake. I was seriously stunned. 

Unfortunately I don't do as much with art as I would like. I use the excuse far too often that I don't have anyone to go with, which is a dumb excuse. I am making a goal now to seek out more art. More art shows, more dance recitals, more community theater. More swap meas. Art is something I am so passionate about and is so fulfilling to me that I know I should be participating in it more. Because it brings so much inspiration and fulfillment to my life.Anyone interested in joining me?