Where Do You Get Off?

I wanted to take a moment and add a little disclaimer to my blog. I understand completely that I have been blogging about some very controversial topics. This won't stop. And as I have said in my bio, and as anyone who knows me will agree, I am rather opinionated. This is probably pretty obvious to anyone who has read my writings or heard me talk before. I wanted to let you all know that I feel qualified to be talking about these topics for a number of reasons (feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit). Where exactly do I get off being so opinionated, bold and blunt? I plan to justify that in this posting. I also wanted to share my purpose and desire in writing about these topics with all of you. In order to do this, I need to share a little bit of background with you.

I come from a broken home and was strongly influenced by some feminist women in my youth.

This is not something I like to talk openly about, especially to those who know my family, because I don't want the reputation of my family to be soiled in any way. This is not a place where I would like to share intimate details of our family life or details about my parents. I will attempt to be as sensitive as possible with regards to my past, yet share with all of you why I feel so strongly about the feminist movement, and where I get off doing what I do here.

My first qualification comes from my childhood. I am living proof that divorce, remarriages, and having more children with the new spouse hurt kids. I am still, at 25.5 years old, dealing with the hurt, pain, frustration, and anger that stemmed from my parents divorces, remarriages, and making more kids that happened over 15 years ago. I will say it again. Divorces, remarriages, and more kids hurts children. I am also still dealing with some of the problems that have come as a result of my mother having to go back to work after her decision to divorce. Not having an at home mom was very painful to me and my siblings. I am again living proof that having a working mother can easily lead to a lot of overlooking. Also, the parental figures in my life were easily distracted from their parenting duties by the new relationships they were actively seeking. I know what I am talking about when I write about pain, issues, and damage that stems from these things. I am typically coming to you with the point of view of children that are in broken home situations.

My second qualification comes from my education. I have a bachelor's degree in social work. With this degree comes a great deal of study on temporary mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self esteem, bi-polar, eating disorders, ADHD, insecurities, and so on. I also did extensive studies about the effects of abuse, neglect, divorce, etc. and I write a lot about these findings and how I see them relating to divorce, single parent homes, remarriages, abuse, and so on. I did an internship working with adolescent sex offenders. I am well versed in the sexual offense cycle and see so much of it coming from the broken home. I also have a minor in child and family studies. I spent years studying the development of human beings and the different needs humans have at the developmental stages of life. Typically, when I talk about the importance of children growing up with a mom and dad and other similar needs of children, it comes from this side of my education. I do not claim to know everything, but I do write about what I have learned and what I know from my education and experience with social work.

My third qualification comes from my work in the public school systems. I am a substitute teacher and I work daily with children who we often label trouble youth, misguided youth, out of control youth, and so on. I can immediately, and fairly accurately tell what kids come from what kinds of backgrounds, by their attitude and appearance. Also, when I talk about the education our schools are providing, which I plan to do more of in the future, I know what I am talking about. When I talk about the idiots that we are passing on to the next grade level, I speak from firsthand experience. I speak with accuracy when I tell you that most kids in the junior high level are academic idiots.

My fourth qualification comes from being a student of the expert herself, the Doc. I understand that this one is entirely debatable. Some of you may think of her as a crack pot. That is just fine. Those of you who are unaware of her qualifications, she has a Ph.D. in physiology and is a certified marriage and family therapist, and was in private practice for 12 years. She has been doing what she does on the radio for over 30 years. She knows her shit. I am confident that she knows her shit. One can only help but to learn that shit after so many hours of attentive listening.That does not mean that I follow her blindly. I listen and critically think about what she has to say. With my professional education being what it is, I find her more and more credible, because I see the parallel to what she does with what we study in the classroom and in the profession of social work. From my personal history, I see that she is accurate in her positions on divorce, dating, self esteem, eating disorders, and so on. I try very hard not to just regurgitate her words, but instead, I try to explain the lessons I have learned in my life that have stemmed from her wisdom, feelings she stirred in me, and experiences I have had as a result of her. I do share a lot of similar opinions because I have seen the literal application to them in my own life.

My purpose in writing about the controversy is not to upset anyone. It is not to make judgments about anyone. It is not to make decisions for anyone’s family. It is really to bring some knowledge and perspective that I have to offer to men, women and children who find themselves in situations laid out on the blog. If I have any chance of helping any parent out there not to make the same mistakes that were made in my life, it is worth the criticism I am getting. I hear about so many mothers, especially in my fields of work as both a social worker and a substitute teacher who simply don't give a second thought to the needs of their children. That is my biggest fear about parents. I guess one of the reasons why I am so passionate about the subjects I keep blogging about is because of my life's experiences and how difficult they were when they didn't need to be. Those of you who are upset with my rants against these issues- know that I am blogging to do what I can to help children.

If I have the chance to help one child have a better childhood than I did, it’s worth it to me. I appreciate you respecting that point of view. I don't mind anyone disagreeing with me, but there are some very common mistakes being made from a majority of parents that hurt kids. Our deteriorating society is a reflection of that hurt. I am just doing what I feel I can to help parents see it from their child's point of view, and like I said, if I have the chance to help a child, it’s something I am willing to. Next time you feel like this:  

(Ticked at me for something I have said) 

I would appreciate you simply remembering my goal here. Like the Doc, I want to help children.

Thanks for those of you who take my opinions with a grain of salt and read my blog from the perspective of trying to help any child who may find him or herself in a situation similar to mine.

Now, I think you are ready for more of the feminist movement :)