My Voice

Some of you may have noticed, others of you might not have. I have not posted anything in a long time. Just over 2 weeks to be exact. That is a long time for me, because I average 2-3 times a week usually. There is a good reason for my holding back though. Something I would like to attempt to explain today. I guess I just have yet to find my voice. My style. What I really want to communicate with the blogging world. Thus far my blog has kind of just been a soap box where I have vented on things that really get to me. I have had a few posts that have turned out golden. Precious to me if to no one else. That have continued to teach even me, the author of those postings, long after they have been posted. But most of the in between postings have simply been ravings about topics that have come to mean a lot to me over the span of my few years and over the education I have received through various mentors. And as interesting those topics are to me, and as right as I think I am, it just isn’t quite what I want my blog to be. So I decided to step back for 2 weeks and just stew. Just think. Just see what came to me. Meanwhile I have been sucked into the wonderful black hole that is blogging. I have found tons of new blogs that I absolutely love. Bogs that inspire me and that I love to keep coming back to.  Blogs that get my creative juices flowing. Blogs that encourage me to be beautiful inside and out. And blogs that teach me about motherhood, a topic I hold dear to my heart. I have been asking myself just what it is that I want to turn my blog into. I am not a momma, and I don't have cute pictures of a son to post. I don't have cute antidotes from my sons life and other similar stories to share with the blogging world. I don't have an eye for fashion and I certainly cannot put together the outfits this girl can, despite how hard I try to copy cat her. I am also not nearly as funny, cute, and cleaver as she is with words. I don't live buy the beach spending $1700 a month renting a little beach shelter just so I can say that I am living my dream. (Which is a dream both she and I share—to live by the beach. Maybe when I'm 50 too I’ll finally do it.) I don't have a husband with which I can share stories of learning to live with and cherishing. I don't have my own home or family to care for, and turning my bedroom into a sanctuary, or encouraging others to do that through daily tasks just isn't the same thing. I'm not real crafty I don't have kiddo’s with whom I can home school. And heaven knows there would be tons I could blog about if I was a homeschoolin’ mom. As much as I wish I did, I don't live on a ranch. And I am not married to the Marlboro Man and his amazing tush and I don't have books to write about that. I don't have amazing ideas that inspire others to shine on, as much as I’d like to copy cat that idea. I don't write someone a thank you note every day of my life. I don't have a hubby or kiddos to cook for and can't tell you about all the yummy food I've been making for them. I don't have a boyfriend named JJ or a Swede hubby that let me tape their eyes closed and bring me burritos without rice that I can blog about. I'm not prego my lego and can't tell you about my cankles, nesting, or outrageous food cravings. So, basically, what do I have left to blog about you might ask yourself? Well, that is what I have been asking myself now for a good month. 

Truth is… I'm. Not. Sure.

Now, this is not to say that I don't have things in my life that bring me both joy and pleasure. I am not looking longingly at all these other blogs wishing I had those lives or those experiences to share. It’s just that those seem to be the blogs that are getting attention these days. Those are the topics that people like to read about. I just have a hard time finding something in my own life that will inspire others to be better. I have a hard time thinking that my sister getting braces or my niece being so damn cute or the fact that I have heartburn 24 hours a day is interesting to anyone. (Seriously, I drink milk, the miracle cure, and I still get heartburn. I know I know. I really need to go to the doctors.) I just don't know what a 26 year old, single, not-really-dating-anyone-but-wants-to-be-an-adorable-wifey-and-mother woman who graduated in a field she detests and still lives at home is interesting or inspiring to anyone. I have great friends and the greatest job and amazing hobbies…. I just don't have an interesting-to-anyone-else kinda life. Ya know?

What I do seem to have though are the lessons I am learning about life. Lessons that probably should have been learned much earlier on in life but for whatever reasons were not learned. Lessons that are bringing joy and meaning to my life. Lessons that I am learning mostly through Dr. Laura as I have adopted her as my most wise and influential mentor. Lessons that are literally changing every aspect of my life for the better. Lessons that are creating a wonderful future for me. The problem I am having is that I don't know how to turn those lessons into blog postings without getting onto a soapbox and venting, which is all I have successfully done thus far.

So, over the next little bit I am going to be busting my brains out trying to find MY voice. Trying to find MY place in the blogging world. Trying to find MY way to inspire others—as every blog I have mentioned above (plus many more) have inspired me in some way or another. 

 I appreciate those of you who keep coming back to hear what else I have to say. I appreciate you sticking with me as I'm making this journey to find my voice and my place. I know, I don't really love what I have done here thus far either. It's a work in progress. I've got the clay in my hands… just not sure what the hell to do with it at this point.