The Truth Shall Set You Free.

SO, I've been obsessing with this blog lately. This Little Miss Momma is someone I think everyone can benefit looking up to. I certainly do. I read through her blog for a good hour the other day. She has the best attitude about motherhood. Her blog is the perfect combination of journaling, giving advice to other new mommas, being painfully honest about how tough mothering is, being honest about how it’s not as romanticized as everyone makes it out to be, learning how to be a good momma, and her son is just cute as I’ll get out. I have no idea who she is but I love her. Anyone who has kids, or who is going to have kids soon or someday ought to go check her out and blog stock her. She has already taught me tons about being a future momma. Love love love her.

Probably one of my favorite posts thus far was THIS ONE.

In it she openly admits that the parenting business was more than she signed up for. Most would feel guilt for that. I think it’s a universal reaction and we would all do ourselves a favor by admitting to that. But instead we would pretend like we have to love every minute. The tantrums. The middle of the night awakenings. The tantrums. The messy diapers. The tantrums. Did I mention the tantrums? These are all things about motherhood that I think it’s okay to extremely dislike.  

So, I wanted to post a little shout out to all the mums out there (I like how they say mums over in the UK) who are frazzled and frustrated. To you I must say: the truth shall set you free.

Do you ever feel like you have lost yourself?

Do you ever wonder if you will ever get to pee in peace?

Do you ever feel like you want to ship the kids off to Switzerland for a month?

Do you ever worry that one day you will actually pull your hair out?

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE. And these thoughts DO NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOTHER. Join hands and unite here. I am in your corner here. Here is your support. Here is what you NEED to remember.

Motherhood is an awesome responsibility. And I don't mean awesome like totally cool, although it can be like that. I mean awesome like massive, difficult, exhausting, frustrating and crazed.  

The truth will set you free here. Mommies who do not admit to the reality of resentment that inevitably comes from being a mother and not feeling like your own self, tend to try to bury that feeling because they think it makes them a bad mother to feel it. Then they go into denial and sometimes some irrational behaviors manifest themselves. Sometimes rage wants to come out. And it could, if you do not admit to the resentment that is inevitably there. That is why you need breaks. Acknowledge the resentment in the breaks you take. First of all, forgive yourself for being resentful, for not loving every second of motherhood. Be honest with yourself. I am not yet a mother, but I already know that I will not love every minute of it. I am already getting stressed out at how tired I know I will be. I am already stressed out with the mother I imagine myself being. Step one, BE HONEST with yourself. Admit it; you don't LOVE every SECOND of being a mother. That’s ok. I am hereby giving you permission to admit it. Now, forgive yourself for being somewhat resentful for the lack of freedom. Be honest with yourself that this is a huge responsibility that sometimes you wish you could get out of. 

 Once you admit it, once you are honest with yourself, you are ready for step 2. Give yourself breaks. Motherhood is very tough and it requires breaks. Give yourself physical breaks- drop the kids off at grandma’s house, auntie’s house, friend’s house, mother in law’s house, the nice old lady next door’s house. 

Give yourself an hour or two to go get a massage or get your nails done or go shopping or go for a run or out to lunch with a girlfriend. You need to take breaks. 

You also need to take emotional breaks. Take a hot bath, curl up by the fire and read that book you’ve been meaning to read, put in headphones and ignore the screaming and bickering, TAKE NAPS. These things are not only NORMAL, they are NECESSARY. Whenever you need to, hand the kids to a family member and say that you will be back in an hour. You will be refreshed!

When we are really overwhelmed and stressed and in a situation where we feel we can't admit to that, I mean how can a woman say “I would like to get rid of this baby for a month so I would have a break” 

You don't really mean it mean it, but your overwhelmed. You need to take those breaks.

It’s like if you were a carpenter you would have to keep all your tools sharp. Well, as a mommy, you need to take breaks to keep your tools sharp.

Invest in yourself. Set boundaries. Learn to prioritize and learn to say no to the things low on the priority list.

Just like my friend over at Little Miss Momma admits that being a mommy isn’t everything she dreamed of, you can admit that too. Then TAKE A BREAK.

“Anyone who puts too much on their plate has to understand that it’s going to spill. You’re a human being. Every human being has limitations and the quality of one’s life is largely depending on being honest on what we can and wish to handle. To beat yourself up over being overworked is to say ‘it’s not fair I'm a person’ asking too much of yourself is not going to make for a very happy person. So many people expect so much of themselves and they make themselves miserable, when you really just have to acknowledge ‘can't do it all! Let’s pick and choose.’ “

–Dr. Laura Schlessinger 

Thanks again Dr. Laura for some inspirational words. I love learning my own limits and STICKING TO THEM. My life is richer with limits. Aaaah. Now I am going to go take a bath and read my book even though there are dishes in my sink. :)