The Stay At Home Mom.

I love SAHM’s. They are my heroes. I admire them and look up to them more than I could express in this blog. The sacrifices a woman must make these days to put her kids first as a SAHM are pretty intense. First they must put up with all the nay-sayers. Those who put them down for only being SAHM’s, for “wasting” their education and talents, and for not contributing to the finances of the family. As a future SAHM, and quite open about my intentions to be so, I have already faced this. Particularly with those who were involved in my education in some way or another, teachers, supervisors, classmates, etc. I got my education for many reasons. But none of them was so that I could work for the rest of my life. I am constantly defending my decision to stay at home with my future kids but that is alright with me. I am planning to have children to give them a life, not to continue on with mine. Their needs will immediately become my first priority and my wants will be set aside until the appropriate time.

These days, it’s also pretty normal for a family to function on two incomes. This becomes the SAHM’s second big challenge. In order to live off one income, many SAHM must budget their brains out. They must clip coupons and figure out what kind of things they have at the home that they can do without. Do they really need cable TV? Do they really need a boat? Do they really need two cars? My motto is, and will be: “Find something else to eliminate besides me.” I don't want to take myself out of the home and take all those fun moments that a mommy gets to experience away from me so we can afford the extra vacations, the big house, the expensive clothes or the flashy cars. My job in the home will be to make ends meet with my husband’s income, whether that be 25k or 125k. My job will be to budget. That is how I will contribute financially to our family. These are just 2 of the many challenges and sacrifices a SAHM must make, but how lucky a SAHM is in return. First of all, I HATE getting up and going to work every day. No matter what job I have ever had, even the ones I have loved, I still don't love being committed daily to that job. Why would I want to subject myself to a job every day when I could play with and teach my kids instead? Also, kids do and say the cutest darn things. Why would I want to miss out on any of that to go to work, a place I hate? And what about from a child's point of view… How many of you, given the chance to re-live your childhood would choose to be raised by babysitters, nannies, daycare workers over a mother? I would give anything to go back and have a childhood with an at home mother. I know firsthand what it is like not to have a SAHM and I refuse to put my kids through that. I know what it’s like to be a latch key kid, to be on your own for homework, dinner, putting yourself to bed, and have no one to step in and save you from your mean brothers who constantly pick on you. I know what it is like to be bored to tears being home alone all day every day. I also know what it's like to be fiercely jealous of any friend who had a SAHM. I vow that my kids will never experience that.

Now, this is not meant to be a diss on the working mother. It's not meant to make one feel guilty, and I'm not looking for the defensive arguments, I'm just pointing out that being a mom is such a cool thing, why would anyone choose to miss out when they didn’t have to? (And I get a little worried about day cares after reading this.) I am also pointing out that we are morally obligated once we bring a child into the world to do what is best for them, not for us. And I don't know, what kid would you rather be?

The one with the SAHM, who wants and loves to have quality time with you?

 

Or the one with the mom who is just a little too busy with the clients to read to you or to take you to the park or enjoy your cooing and babble talk?

Or would you rather be the kid who gets to spend his day lined up in one of these cute rows, only getting attention at feeding and changing time?

I don't know, maybe its just me, but I like the idea of giving my kids the first mom. But your right, I'm probably wasting my my education.

Bubbles

The Bubble Boy

They say Utah Mormons live in a bubble. Growing up Mormon, and in Utah, I cannot dispute this fact. In fact, I have to support the unfortunate fact whole heartedly. I wish it was not so, but it can't be denied. What I believe happens is that those parents have good intentions to protect their children from the outside influences of “the world” but their good intentions turn into shielding them from the outside world, or, creating a nice bubble that ultimately leads them to believe that there is no evil in the world. I will now attempt to explain what I think parents should do. This train of thought is of course coming from several philosophical points made by whom? You guessed it, the Doc. Have I mentioned that I love her? That she changed my life?

This philosophical parenting point came to me last night while I was at my aunt and uncle’s home for dinner. I have over the past year come to understand the incredible responsibility of good, responsible parenting, of course from the Doc. And because of this understanding I have taken it to heart, as a role that I must prepare for. So even now, years before I become a parent, I am putting a lot of quality thought into how to do it. Almost everything I do leads me to think how I would handle the situation as a parent.

This experience is no exception. Here is what happened:

At the uncle and aunts for dinner. Among us were my grandparents, my parents and 6 of their 7 children, 2 spouses and 1 grandchild and then of course my aunt, uncle and their 4 children. I was having a conversation with my brother. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a mouth. I don't even consider hell and damn to be what others call “swear words.” I have a way with turning almost anything into a “that’s what she said” joke. I will admit, my mind is always in the gutter and I have been known to drop an F-bomb here and there. Not necessarily proud of this, I realize it’s not too dignified or feminine, but I am who I am, and until I decide it’s something I want to change about myself, it’s not going to change. And at this point in time, I don't mind my sometimes crass and vulgar way of thinking.

So, my brother and I were having a conversation and he mentioned a guy I can't stand and something that this guy had said to make me look bad. I was ticked and I said the word “hell” to my brother, in regards to this man, whom I hate. I didn’t shout it but those in my direct circle heard it. I know there were kids around, and I shouldn’t have said it, but again, my brain just does not process that word as being a bad word. And I know I don't have kids, and until I do, I doubt my mind will really be aware that “there are kids around” and to watch the language. It was then that my uncle, who was sitting 2 seats down from me, 180 degrees from where my brother was tapped me on the shoulder. Everyone was looking at me when he told me not to speak like that in front of his kids. This is the thing that I disagree with. Now, I just want to make it clear; I am not trying to justify what I did. I realize it was in the wrong. I just want to point out this infamous bubble and how I plan to avoid it with my children.

I was quite embarrassed. I apologized. Then I looked around to see how close the nearest child was, who was not in hearing distance and who was playing with her cousins, not even paying attention to my conversation. It was then that I thought my uncle had an overreaction. Like I said, I was embarrassed and it really killed my mood. I was not as willing to talk to my brother, because I just felt stupid. So I began to wrap this concept around my brain.

Here I am, a guest in his home, (and granted I said a bad word, but quite a mild bad word. It wasn’t like I dropped the F-bomb. I said hell for hell’s sake) and he went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable, and like a really disappointing person, in an attempt to keep his children’s ears free and clear from the word hell. It's not like his kids are babies. They are 15, 11, and 8. It's not like they have not heard that word at school or on radio or TV. However, instead of teaching his children that ‘there are people in the world, even family that we love, who don't have the same values as we do, but that isn’t a reason to treat them badly or disrespectfully. We can still love them even though they make bad choices.’ Instead, he attacked the guest, whom, in my opinion, he should go out of his way to be hospitable to. Here is a great example of how the bubble is created. The ‘I don't want to even allow my children to hear that word’ mentality becomes the greater goal. In my opinion, it should be about ‘how do I teach my children how to act in situations where they meet people who do not share their value systems?’ As a parent, I hope to make that a priority, to teach my children how to cope with evil, instead of making the efforts to keep them out of the evil. After all, we are supposed to be in the world, just not of the world.  It is the perfect example of how the bubble was created. Damn the bubble. It's not helping anyone.