The Problems with Public Schools. Part 3. Academics in Junior High.

Ok, in part one I went over how the poor academics in public schools start in elementary school. 30 kids all on different levels with different talents are forced to all learn the same way. Consequently the curriculum must be tailored to the slowest of the group. The bright students get bored. Part two, we decided that if young boys are not able to learn the same ways as little girls, by sitting still for long periods of time we are going to drug them with Ridilin and force them into submission, rather than embracing their learning styles and catering to those. I understand… there are just not enough resources to cater to or embrace those different learning styles. But that doesn’t change the fact that the kids don't get to learn the way they personally need to learn.

Part 3 is going to take us from elementary to junior high education. The fast finishers from elementary school are typically the straight A students in junior high. They understand the concepts, catch on quickly, and are easily able to manipulate the system to get good grades. I was one of these, and as I have said before, I never focused on learning, just on getting an A. I could easily get an A by memorizing answers, or cheating, or breezing through the busy work hardly any effort. Yes, the fast finishers breeze through their middle school years typically without notice. They are usually only challenged if they have honors classes, which are thankfully available at this point in time.

Those who were behind in elementary are still behind in junior high. The problem that I am seeing as a sub is that in junior high a child is given even less time to grasp a concept than in elementary. Typical periods in junior high last anywhere between 35 and 50 minutes. This isn’t really long enough for a teacher to explain a new concept and make sure each child has got the hang of it before then bell rings. Concepts usually build on each other, so those who fall behind once and don't get the help they need to catch up are quickly left behind and they have little hope in themselves to catch up and they quickly give up. These are the students (a huge majority of them male) who can barely read. They are the ones who in 8^th grade need to use their fingers to add up numbers like what is 7+5. They write ‘what is 12 minus 8’ like this: 8-12 and addition and subtraction must be done solely on a calculator. One time I even had an entire classroom of students who could not tell me what 3 divided by 1 equaled. They all reached for their calculators. I told them to not even dare, that they could do it in their heads. They all just stared blankly at me.

 Yesterday I was listening to kids read through a play, and the 8^th grade boy who was reading couldn’t figure out the word “apparently” he blanked when he saw it, and when he tried to sound it out he botched it. Yes, this is what happens to those students who fell behind just one time. They are bored stiff by just staring into space with a concept completely over their heads, so often times they will just sleep, or they will make trouble with other bored students, sometimes getting them kicked out of class (which I believe is just what most of them want). They are lost to the system that cannot stop to give special attention to them. There are too many requirements put on teachers, too much to cover in the school year and not enough time to help students play catch up.

Not only do those who fall behind stay behind, but those who are able to keep up and succeed are never challenged, as I have said. I was one of these students. The only class that was ever a challenge to me was my AP English class my senior year of high school. Besides that class, everything else was a breeze. Those who can do more, are not given more. They have to stay behind to close the gap as much as is possible. They are given busy work to occupy their time. It's pitiful. I wish I really could describe the kinds of work I am helping students with as a substitute. It's really sickening that most students are so unintelligent, not from lack of natural ability but from lack of challenge. 

I wanted to show you the lack of challenge first hand. This is the actual instructions for an actual 8^th grade reading class reading log in an actual public school. When I read this I got nauseated. If my child brought this home, I would have thrown a fit. I was very discussed at the pitiful excuse for requirements that we are putting on our children.

“Reading is an essential skill that must be practiced. ALL students must practice this skill, regardless of reading ability. Homework- read 50 minutes per week—10 minutes per day Monday thru Friday; any extra time read will count as extra credit (late reading logs are not eligible for the extra credit). You may read magazines, newspapers, novels, instructional manuals, materials for other classes, or most other types of text. I will not allow you to count text messages, emails, or closed captioning on the TV.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

First of all—TEN MINUTES A DAY! Really!?! TEN! What happened to 30-45? What can a person even read in 10 minutes? 1-2 pages of a book! It would take a year to finish a novel at that rate!

Secondly—Look at what this teacher has said is acceptable reading and not, magazines, (those are 90% pictures) Newspapers and novels are great but Instructional manuals—really!?! What the heck is a person going to learn about a plot and themes narrative voice and comprehension by reading an instruction manual!
Materials for other classes!!! If you do your homework for another class you can count it as your reading for the day? How is that going to teach a person a love for reading at all! Unless one is able to get lost in a writing style and a genre that they love, unless a story is able to take them to a place in their imagination that they could never get to otherwise, unless a person is going to be challenged with new ideas and new concepts, how are they ever going to learn to love reading? What is to become of our next generation if they do not love to read? Who is going to become our future authors? Who is going to be our doctors or teachers or Politians? Reading is one of the most basic skills in life. It is the foundation of all other education and achievements. I am not sure which I feel more about all this-- It's a real tossup between being sad and scared. What is to become of our nation if we continue to give diplomas to people who can't even read them? The public schools are failing our children. There are just not enough teachers out there to get kids through successfully. And as a result students must cater to the imperfections of the system; there is just no way for the system to provide to the children. How refreshing it is to know that home schooled children get the one on one attention specifically catered to their talents, abilities, and needs. There is some hope left for the future.

Finding Something Else.

I have mentioned before that my motto as a SAHM will be “Find something else to eliminate besides you.” Meaning that my job as a SAHM will be to budget and cut costs in every which way possible and figure out all of the non necessities in life and eliminate every single thing that isn’t necessary, besides me in order to stay on budget. That budget will consist of whatever my husband makes. Period. Even if that means we live below the poverty line. I will find other things to eliminate from the home besides me. It is my opinion that 2 income families are never really necessary. They are just wanted. The family wants to have cable TV. The family wants to drive nice cars. The family wants to live in a big house in big cities. The family wants to wear nice clothes, so if dad’s salary can't provide that, mom goes back to work. It's kind of a bummer attitude to have in society, I think. But I am going off on a tangent now actually. This posting is not in order to defend my opinion about the fact that 2 income families are not necessary. This posting is to give myself and others some ideas on how to budget. The idea actually came to me from… The Doc, did any of you know that I am obsessed with her? Well, I am, but that is also besides today’s point. She often tells stories of when her son Deryk was younger. He was a toddler and money was tight in their home. She was a SAHM and was not interested in working during the day. (She did some work, but it was from 5am-7am when Deryk was sleeping and in the evening after husband Lew was home and Deryk was asleep.) One of the best ways she found to cut costs was only to have one car in their family. So, her husband Lew drove their only car to work and Dr. Laura hung out with Deryk during the day finding places they could go and things they could do on foot or by bicycle. When I first heard this, I was actually shocked. My initial reaction of shock was more so that I couldn’t believe it was possible to live or function without a car. How could a SAHM not have a car? A car equals freedom, a car equals activities and adventures that otherwise might not be possible, a car is just a basic human need isn’t it? Or is it… I got to thinking about this, and at first I admired her for her willing sacrifice but openly admitted that I would never be able to make that same sacrifice to stay at home. Well, this was over a year ago, and since then I have done a lot of thinking about her level of sacrifice to be a SAHM. Also since then, I have changed my way of thinking, from all the things a person could not do if they didn’t have a car, to pondering all the ways a person could make life work without a car. Because as the years have continued, my resolve and

dedication to be a SAHM at any cost continues to grow and if it were really to come down to it, I have come to the conclusion that I really would give up a car to stay at home with my kids. (I am hoping and praying that it does not come down to that, but if it does, consider this my promise to all of you. I said it, and you can hold me to it.) What a challenge it would be. What a sacrifice it would require. What creativity I would need. But I have decided it is possible. It is something I am pondering how to make work. Going grocery shopping on Saturdays when the one car we have is available, riding bikes everywhere within riding distance and saving big outings and fieldtrip activities for the weekends, walking to local parks and recreation centers, and utilizing public transportation are all ways I have come up with to still get out of the house and survive mommy life without a car. In instances where having a car for the day is absolutely necessary, I could drop off and pick up husband from work. It is possible. Not a pleasant thought, but it is possible to live in today’s world without a car. Just imagine how much exercise my children and I would get walking and riding our bikes everywhere.

My point in this post is to bring up and point out the fact that the things most of us have labeled necessities are not actually necessities. Until I began to think about it, I never really thought that it was possible to function without a car, now I have realized that it is more possible than I would like to admit sometimes. What other things have we as a society deemed necessities that are actually not necessities? Internet. Could I imagine a home without internet? I think I would go crazy. I would actually give up my car more easily than I could give up home internet, but internet is not a necessity. I could always go to the public library and use the free internet there. What about cable TV? Or having DVR. Pretty sure my life was not complete until I had a DVR at my fingertips. Now that I have one, I could never go back to regular television… or could I? Cell phones? Nowadays cell phones have basically replaced home phones so having a cell phone may be necessary. But I will tell you what is not necessary— things like smart phones, internet on cell phones, cell phones that double as iPods or GPS systems. A modest cellular phone that does the basic calling and text messaging is really all that is arguably necessary. The convenience and peace of mind that comes from having a cell phone I will admit may be a necessity in today’s world. But there are ways we can cut back. A good friend of mine and someone I admire greatly has blogged the following about her goal to eliminate non-necessities and simplify her life. I think it adds a great deal to the point I am trying to make and I think it would be of benefit for any of you out there to read. You can find it here at Hopes and Dreams.

She resolved to get rid of her I-Phone, and after a month of this simplification, she shared THIS experience.

Bottom line is that there are things in our home that we women can eliminate without eliminating ourselves from the home and putting us in the work force. This motto I have basically engraved upon my heart and upon my desire to be a SAHM in the future has come from the Doc. She is the first person I heard say, “Find something else to eliminate besides you.” Since first hearing it, I have put in endless hours of thought as to just how exactly I can do that. Luck has nothing to do with being a SAHM. It's about making that the number one priority in your family and sacrificing all that is necessary to have that priority become a reality.

I would love to hear if any of you have other ideas about things you can eliminate or sacrifices that you have made in order to stay at home with your kiddos.

The Problems with Public Schools. Part 2. The Miss Diagnosis of ADHD.

I have spent some time discussing how public schools don't really do much for those who are naturally bright and who work hard. Another tragedy I see happening in public schools comes from my work as a social worker. I see it FAR TOO OFTEN, how quickly we as a society like to diagnose young boys with ADHD. The situation: A child is not staying with the class. I see this for two reasons, either the material is too easy or too difficult. If it is too easy, the child gets finished quickly and gets distracted with their free time. They may be chatty to their neighbors or they may get into daydreaming, which may be difficult to pull them back from. What does a spectator immediately default to? The child has ADHD. Time for ridilin. If the material is not too easy, it is usually too hard. If a child is not able to get the one on one attention and help that they need (and with the student to teacher ratio in the classroom, it’s impossible to give that attention), they are pretty much unlikely to just sit there and stare at their homework until it just magically clicks. They are likely to not try, and they get distracted by their friends talking or by some other kind of stimuli. This quickly gets them the same diagnosis--- the professionals tend to default to ADHD more often than not… Let us drug them into submission.

Public schools are highly designed to the way girls learn. Girls can sit still longer, they can focus on less abstract concepts and they are more emotional. Boys are more abstract and straight forward. And they cannot focus for extended periods of time, they get restless. Schools are tailored around the girls, and when the boys do not fit into the mold, they are labeled problems, called ADHD and 

 drugged to fit. The Doc, brilliant as she is, fit into these categories as a child. She once blogged about it:

When I was a child in school, my parents were called in each and every year to have a conference with the principal about my inattention, underachievement, and disruption of the class because I talked too much - all the things that would have me doused in Ritalin today.

I get way too many calls from mothers that their local school is threatening to drug their child (usually a son) with Ritalin to cure his ADHD, and thereby control his behavior.  I always tell them: NO. There are numerous reasons why children (and especially boys) won’t sit still and won’t pay attention.  Sometimes they’re bored, sometimes there is so much turmoil at home that they’re acting out, and sometimes they just have so much energy that they can’t sit still.  Schools have virtually thrown out recess breaks and physical education.  Sometimes, too, they’re just the sort of kids who need more one-on-one attention in order to keep focused.

It's a damn shame that as a society we jump so quickly to pop-psych labels and want to diagnose everyone we see and everyone we know with having something. Some 20-30 years ago it was Agoraphobia. Everyone was an agoraphobic. Now days everyone is bi-polar. Anyone who has an anger problem is bi-polar. Anyone who doesn’t accept responsibility for their imperfections uses the excuse as being bi-polar. And unfortunately, anytime a little boy is not able to sit still for more than 5 minutes, he is called ADHD by his parents and teachers. It's a damn shame.

There was a mental health professional named Michael White who practiced family therapy in and around the 1970’s until he died a couple years ago. He came up with a theory we call Narrative Therapy which basically says that he didn’t believe in mental illnesses. He believes that people create them so that those people have an excuse to behave a certain way. We create expectations for ourselves because of the labels we have given ourselves. I am definitely not about to adopt this theory as complete and total truth, but it is such a reflection of the self fulfilling prophecy that I absolutely believe it has some creed. I think that once a young kid has been labeled ADHD they will forever carry that label with them and use it as an excuse for the rest of their lives. Their parents will also enable them with that label. “Little Johnny or Janie can't do that because he/she has ADHD.” That is bologna if you ask me. Once our poor kids have this label, it stays with them forever and they never put the same expectations on themselves that they would have otherwise. I wish instead of labeling kids with ADHD, we worked more closely with them to understand concepts and challenge them on a level that is appropriate to them personally, not a group of 30 other kids their age. (All things that would happen in a homeschooling situation.)

****Now sure, ADHD is a real diagnosis. I am not saying that 100% of diagnoses are false. What I am saying though is that many of them are false, and the usual default treatment is drugs, not 1 on 1 attention. The Drake Institute in Los Angeles is one of the few places that I have ever heard of that will treat ADHD, and many other common learning setbacks without one single drug. Go check them out, especially before you put any of your kids on drugs. They are fabulous.

The Problems with Public Schools. Part 1. The Academics.

How many of you guys noticed that there is an entire list of blogs on my blog all dedicated to the Homeschooling Parent? When I created this blog, I wanted to be sure to include these resources because I am a BIG supporter of homeschooling. I have been planning since the creation of Living Half Alive to be posting about homeschooling and my feelings about it… I figured I’d better get around to it. So, without further adieu, this is a shout out to the homeschooling community (which is bigger than you might guess.)

Fact about me: I am a future homeschooling parent. Another fact about me: I am turned off to the umpth degree with public schools. They disgust me. They frustrate me. They scare me. Now, first and foremost—this is not a dis on the teacher. For the most part, the teacher is not the problem. The teacher is only able to work with what they are given, and most teachers that I know and work with do their very best with what they are given, which isn’t much. Most teachers I know are golden. There are some schmucks who ruin the reputation of all the rest, but overall, I am a fan of the teacher. I respect the teacher. I love what they do. I love what they get gray hair trying to do. I love what they stand for and why they became teachers. The problem I have is from the higher authorities. The school districts, the board, the superintendents, the federal government who likes to think that everyone in the entire country should be the same and therefore should be taught the same thing by the same methods (ahem… communism). It's the standardized tests. It's the forced curriculum. It's the class sizes. It's the DRUGS that we give to the little boys in the name of ADHD who actually are just unable to learn the same way as the little girl. Yes—I hate the public school system. And like the feminist movement, this is something that is going to take so long to discuss that it has to be broken down into several postings.

Once again I want to reiterate that I know what I am talking about. I work in the public school systems as a substitute teacher. I see daily what is going on. I deal daily with my frustrations. I have done research, read articles and books, and studied homeschooling communities and I feel qualified to make statements I am making. I also am very good friends with several teachers who have expressed their frustrations in having so many desires, yet having their hands tied behind their back unable to make those desires happen because of the big bad school districts.  

 

Before we go any further in discussing which alternative is better—home or public, we must understand the importance of education. Education is crucial to our future because we are ultimately educating our future. We are educating our future leaders. We are educating our future inventors. We are educating our future business men and entrepreneurs. We are educating the political leaders who will decide on our laws of society and laws of finances. Each and every person in our future is going to make some kind of contribution to our economics at some point in the future. Even the smallest business owner has some kind of effect on our economics. Therefore, we must put the highest emphasis on quality education for our future, not what is the easiest. (Sure public school is easier for the parent. I myself get exhausted at the thought of homeschooling, and I don't even have kids yet!) Yet the fact remains, the emphasis and sacrifices we make for education will reflect back on our society in the future. We have to think critically about the education we are providing our future with. We meaning you—yes you! Don't just shrug it off to the next guy to think about education. You need to figure out what you can do to enhance the quality of education of your children.

So, Here's Part One: Academics.

You parents who send you children to public schools, I wish you could be a fly on the wall and observe the actual “education” that your child is getting. You. Would. Be. Shocked.

Let’s start in elementary. This is where I see the problems of education beginning. Right away, they shove 30 kids in one classroom who all have different talents, IQ’s, natural abilities, drives to work hard, parenting, common sense, and aptitudes and expect that one teacher can successfully address each of those needs specifically. Can't happen. So what inevitably has to happen? Mainstream. And where does the mainstream have to be? Below average. There are too many needs and too many different levels of intelligence and talents to effectively meet the individual needs of each child so we have to cater to the slowest in the class. What happens to the smarter kids who are able to grasp concepts quickly? BOREDOM for starters. And also, in my experience, the students are given a task to complete and then I walk around helping those who need special help. I am happy to assist these children and get excited when my help allows them to grasp and conquer the concept. However, without fail, in any subject and in any elementary school and any grade, about five minutes after the task has been administered, and every 30 seconds afterword, while I am helping a student I am interrupted with “teacher, what do we do when we are done?” I have nothing to offer these students except, “go sit quietly at your desk until everyone is done.” This is no way to foster education and talents. Clearly there are many students who need a greater challenge than the task or worksheet that was just given, yet other students need more detailed instruction before being given the task. However they are all mainstreamed into one category. There is no way that we can justify that 30 students of the same age can be learning the same things at the same pace. In my opinion that is very poor education. Consequently, the curriculum is tailored and mainstreamed to those who are the slowest of the group. Those who excel past the curriculum are asked to wait until those who are slower catch up. Then everyone may move on together.

In doing this, in holding back the above average students so that no child be left behind, the schools cannot encourage individuality. They do not inspire naturally talented children to excel. It's a bummer really. In homeschooling situations, each child gets the exact amount of attention he or she needs. Their learning style is catered to and a child can learn through the most effective means. Also, there is no time wasted waiting around for others slower than the child. Once the child is finished, you move on, 100% of the time. How refreshing.

All that is important in public schools is the grades. When I was going to school I knew the bare minimum I needed to do to get an A or a B and I would do that and only that. I would memorize things for tests, not learn them. I would not put forth any effort to learn, because I could put forth minimal effort to get good grades. There is a big difference. Admittedly, on occasion I would cheat on an assignment, still getting the credit but learning nothing, except for ways to get away with cheating. I see this more and more in my experiences. This would not, could not happen in a homeschooling situation. There are no grades in homeschooling. When there are no grades, the students are simply left to the task at hand; Learning, not memorizing. Learning and learning at their own pace, not learning at the pace of the slowest in the class.

I have a friend who teaches 3^rd grade. One time I asked her that if she only had 1 student, how long it would take her to accomplish everything that she accomplishes in a 7 hour school day. She told me that it would probably take her about 2 hours.

2 hours!!! And we are sending our children to school for 7 hours? What are they doing the other 5 hours!?! Lunch- 3o minutes, recess 30 minutes to 1 hour depending on the school. That leaves us with 3 ½-4 hours of the day not accounted for. You parents might be surprised with the confessions of a fly on the wall, (aka a substitute teacher) when I tell you, it is spent on waiting. Waiting for the slower students to finish the work. Waiting for those who do not understand the concept to get the special attention. Waiting for the questions to be answered. Waiting waiting waiting. Or, as I see it, wasting time, wasting time, wasting time. 2 hours out of your child's school day is spent on education. Only 2 hours. And remember that it is not even quality education—it is education mainstreamed to cater to the slowest student.

These are some of the many reasons why I will home school.

I hope I have at least been able to stop some of you and think about what is going on in the public schools. (Oh! and this is only really on the elementary level. Junior high academics will be discussed.) If I have not, don't worry, there will still be several postings to continue to shove nudge you along. And many more arguments posed. And the gold at the end of the rainbow too-- what specifically you personally can do to assist with the remedying of the situation.

The Feminist Movement. Part 6. The Decline of the Family.

The problems we are having in our current society are pretty serious. They are causing a lot of destruction, pain, and confusion. They are causing more and more children to grow up in broken homes or homes with never married mothers which usually equal no fathers. An intact family with both a mother and a father is biologically necessary to completely normal human development, and so the lack thereof cause a lot of people to have what we call in the pop psych world, issues. Issues of abandonment, issues of distrust, issues of low self esteem, issues of insecurity, and so on. We are then using those issues as excuses for making poor decisions and bad behavior, which more often than not affect dozens of lives outside of oneself and of course have a very negative effect on the society that we live in. Where did all these problems come from? I have asked myself this many times as I have pondered the problems we have now that we never had 50+ years ago. I have my own theory as how we digressed from a practically crimeless society with virtually zero percent divorce rate in the 50’s

into one that is crawling with crime and up to a 50% divorce rate. How did we go from a society where having sex out of wedlock was reserved for prostitutes who were disrespected, to a society where sex is almost expected on the first date and one night stands are as prevalent as brushing one’s teeth? A society where those who wait for marriage are pretty much mocked and looked at as prudes? Where did the digression start? Of course my theory is that it stemmed from the feminist movement, but before I get into explaining that, I want to get into what I believe to be the basic unit of society—the family. I just graduated with a minor in child and family studies in which I studied children, the family and family relationships quite extensively. The fact that the family is the basic unit of society was discussed over and over again. It is a fact. There have been numerous studied and it’s been proven and written up in plenty of journal entries and text books. Families are the cornerstone of civilization. Basically the idea is that when the family is stable, it produces stable offspring. When we want to examine society we just look into the families that make up that society. All those families who live in the ghetto have many similarities. Likewise those families who are living in the suburbs, or the gated, nice and clean community oriented neighborhoods—all of those families have similarities too. When the decline in our families began, the decline in our communities inevitably followed. When we stopped raising our children in strong, committed marriages they began to become weaker, less responsible members in our society. Families shape society. That is a proven fact. Now what is the one difference between the families in our society today and in the world 50 years ago? Yup, the Stay At Home Mom. Now, this is just my opinion and you can take it for what it is worth, it isn’t a proven theory. I didn’t read about this from a study conducted or from a professional. I was just thinking about the problems that we face as a society, the sex problems, the drugs, the abortions, the teen pregnancies, the stupidity of the growing generation, and so on and I was thinking about the Leave it to Beaver 50’s generation when this dawned upon me. The difference is mothers who were in the home taking care of the house and the family, and not somewhere else, working. When we took mothers out of the home chaos ensued. The decline in our society is largely a result of the feminist movement and the dying breed of the Stay At Home Mom. Being a wife and mother is unfortunately no longer respected and is no longer a priority in the families of our generation. A lot of feminists believe the nonsense of “No man is gonna tie me down! I ain’t gonna be a slave to any man. I'm not going to sacrifice anything for kids.” And then they get to 40 and realise “It was a lie that my womanhood was served by ignoring men and kids.”

This is why I am an anti feminist. Because I have come to truly know and understand that my womanhood IS served by sacrificing for your husband and children. That is where I have found happiness in life. (Granted I am single and I do not have children yet, but already I know and understand that that is where my life’s happiness is going to come from.) That is why I dream of nothing else than being a stay at home mother and taking care of my family. That is the role that the biology inside me was destined to do. It wasn’t until I realize that and started taping into that natural desire that I realized how happy a woman can really be. It was suppressed for so long by all the feminists in my life who have turned the role into a condescending one that I had to and still have to fight daily. Anytime I tell anyone of my plans to just be a stay at home mom, I am given quite a hard time about it. But at the same time, anytime I have a thought about being a parent, I am filled with joy, cause I get it. I get the biology of the gender role, and I get the source of happiness that it will someday bring to my life.  

In closing, I want to share a quote from the Doc from you.

The denial of the male/female differences, the tyranny of feminism, has resulted in the sexual revolution (casual sex, casual abortions), fatherless families, children being raised in “day orphanages” (my term for day care) instead of by a mommy and a daddy, and destructive mandates like Title IX. 

Neither men nor women are happier apart or together since feminism took hold in our society.  The ongoing response I’ve had to “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” proved this point as thousands of women wrote to tell me that they understood their power as women, appreciate their femininity, and have found tremendous happiness being their husband’s girlfriend instead of persistently disgusted wife.  Women have been discovering for several decades that “having it all” simultaneously is the quick road to an emotional implosion.

The efforts that are being made to equalize our society are causing a lot of problems. I for one rejoice in the difference men and women have. I do not find it disrespectful or offensive to be noticed for my differences in abilities or talents due to my gender. I actually have found endless joy in embracing those differences and looking forward to playing the role of wife and mother.

The Feminist Movement. Part 5. Casual Sex.

Alright, it has been about 3 weeks since I have drilled you with the feminist movement. It’s time to bring on part 5. Casual Sex.  

Thanks to the feminist movement and “free love” our society has disrespected sex to nothing more than something that strangers practically expect of each other simply to feel good.

It’s ironic really, because this trend of casual sex has created a species of jerks. When a man has nothing to work for, he is not going to take the initiative to work for it. We women are the gatekeepers of morality. When we demand nothing of our men, quite typically the man will not decide on his own to esteem to anything. Before the feminist movement, if a man wanted to bed a woman he had to court a her, prove his worthiness, and devote his life to her, to taking care of her, protecting her, and providing for her. Then and only then was he allowed to bed her. Now that we women simply bed any man we meet, these guys are feeling pretty damn good about themselves. They get what they want most without ever having to work hard for it. This turns men into jerks. We women are solely responsible for the creation of jerks. We allow men to be jerks because we date them. If a jerk never got a date, he would be forced to change his ways, but since we date these guys they are never motivated to become good kind and decent. And after we have created the society full of jerks, we complain that there are no good men left. We whine when men disrespect us, don't act chivalrous towards us, yet we take no responsibility that we never demanded respect. We first disrespected ourselves by letting men have a warm place to put it without demanding any regard toward us. Jerks would be extinct if we stopped dating them. If men were no longer able to get any sexual perks without making a marital commitment towards women first they would soon realize that they can no longer be jerks. But since we do not demand anything of our men, and we don't make them work hard for sex, there will always be jerks.

The Doc goes over this idea almost daily on her show. I have heard her different versions of explaining how casual sex created jerks probably 100 times. I have done my best to put into words the lessons I have learned from her. She has however blogged about this a couple times. One of the best explanations I have ever heard on the subject comes from a comparison she makes between our society and that of the Pride and Prejudice time period. I want you to read the words she has to say on the subject. If you are interested in the original blog posting, you can find it here. I have also copied and pasted it below. 

Timeless Lessons from a Classic Story
By Dr. Laura Schlessinger

I have watched film adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice in all its incarnations many, many times, and I recently watched the 2005 film version again. I love the film…no matter what criticisms may be about a portrayal or a performance. I clearly have a profound attraction to this work.

First and foremost, I love the utter regard the men had for women, which is evident from how they addressed them: “Miss…” (and their first names if they were single) or “Mrs….” (and their last names if they were married). Men bowed upon entering and leaving a woman’s presence, and women curtsied, even under unpleasant conditions. Flirting was ever-so-subtle: a look, a light “accidental” touch of a hand. A man romantically yearned for and tried to earn the affections of a woman. The sweetness of the regard for women in this era (particularly in upper and middle classes) was something to be admired, and something we now miss. There was a clear distinction between a “good” woman and an easy, loose woman or whore.

That distinction is gone today. Now, women put down good money for music that represents them as whores without pay. So many young men are casual about women and sex in general, and sex is a casual expectation almost always fulfilled.

Young women scoff at dignity and modesty as just stupid, prudish, sexist notions. They “shack up” with some dude without a marital commitment, yet expect the love and respect, fidelity and loyalty to exist without the spoken vows, only to be disappointed, hurt, and generally confused.

There was a recent film comedy, called “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past,” in which Matthew McConaughey (in a twist on Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”) got to go back into his life to see all his old girlfriends. There was one scene in the television ad for the movie which showed a seemingly endless dining table filled with hundreds of girls. Obviously, this was meant to show how shallow and manipulative he had been. To me, it just showed how many stupid girls there were (and are), “putting out” in a situation where there was clearly no respect, regard, or intent.

Men used to have to ask a woman’s dad for permission to “court” her, even when the woman was an adult! Now, all he has to do is show her a bedroom, back seat of a car, or a motel room, and the date is sealed. When men had to explain and express their intentions, they had to take the whole activity of dating much more seriously, as there were personal and social consequences to misleading a young lady. That reputation would annihilate any chances he might have had of marrying a good woman. He’d have to move states or provinces away. Now? That kind of rakish reputation makes girls/women want to line up to get some from an infamous entity.

The women’s revolution did not raise any consciousness worth elevating. It mostly diminished a woman’s sense of herself as special, minimized her value in the minds of men, put sex on the level of animals, created a nanny/baby-sitter/institutionalized day care financial boom (as women gave up the blessing of nurturing their own children), increased the use of abortion as a birth-control technique when an accidental pregnancy occurred with a guy who did not want fatherhood, created perpetually unhappy, angry, nasty wives, and made it very difficult for “nice girls” to be respected and cherished.

The last scene in Pride and Prejudice between the two now-married lovers has them discussing what she wants to be called by him when he is not using her given name. He suggests one name, and she rejects it sweetly, because it is what her father calls her. She then asks him what he will call her when he is angry. He, not being able to envision that situation, talks to her about always letting her know how lovingly important his happiness in wrapped up in her…forever…and he kisses her gently about her face as he says “Mrs. Darcy” over and over again. He gave her his heart, his life, his vows, and his name. And, in that era, giving a woman your name was the ultimate public and private statement of his total commitment to her, which makes that scene so moving to most of us, and infuriating to feminists who see that scene only as ripping away the woman’s identity.

I always cry at the end of the movie.

I cry also for what women have given up in exchange for wanting to have it all and not be subordinate to a man. I don’t know…I kinda think being on a pedestal is not subordinate. But what do I know? I’m only a recovered feminist.

The other problem I see with casual sex is that it creates false intimacies. I buy the opinion that all too often people today don't know love if it hit them on the face. People today have sex like rabbits, and become torn between real and false emotions. This leads to very unsatisfactory relationships. People bond sexually within the first 3 weeks of dating and then they wonder why 3 years later their spouse or shack-up boyfriend or girlfriend has turned into a horrible person. If you dated a person for 1 or 2 years and didn't sleep together you would have a much better idea of why you loved them. If you have sex in 3 weeks you are emotionally bonded without knowing who or what they really are. Look at what happened to the divorce rate around the 1970’s. It skyrocketed. Why? Because free love became rampant. 

In closing I want to share with you two videos on the subject, both from the expert herself. I realize that I have already quoted a lot from her today, but she is so much more eloquent and bold than I am. Both videos have become powerful messages to me and I recommend them to anyone, they cannot be missed, regardless of your personal values.

This first one goes over casual sex and the attitude that it has created. It is called: 

These Days, Most Women Are Pigs. 

This next video goes over dating and the roles that men and women should play when courting each other. It also plays right into the connection made between jerks and how women are responsible for creating them. It is called:

Dating Roles: NOTHING has Ever Changed

The Feminist Movement has really done a lot for us hasn't it? Personally, I would love to go back to the simpler times and be truly courted. That is the respect I have learned to demand for myself, thanks to none other than the Doc herself.

Where Do You Get Off?

I wanted to take a moment and add a little disclaimer to my blog. I understand completely that I have been blogging about some very controversial topics. This won't stop. And as I have said in my bio, and as anyone who knows me will agree, I am rather opinionated. This is probably pretty obvious to anyone who has read my writings or heard me talk before. I wanted to let you all know that I feel qualified to be talking about these topics for a number of reasons (feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit). Where exactly do I get off being so opinionated, bold and blunt? I plan to justify that in this posting. I also wanted to share my purpose and desire in writing about these topics with all of you. In order to do this, I need to share a little bit of background with you.

I come from a broken home and was strongly influenced by some feminist women in my youth.

This is not something I like to talk openly about, especially to those who know my family, because I don't want the reputation of my family to be soiled in any way. This is not a place where I would like to share intimate details of our family life or details about my parents. I will attempt to be as sensitive as possible with regards to my past, yet share with all of you why I feel so strongly about the feminist movement, and where I get off doing what I do here.

My first qualification comes from my childhood. I am living proof that divorce, remarriages, and having more children with the new spouse hurt kids. I am still, at 25.5 years old, dealing with the hurt, pain, frustration, and anger that stemmed from my parents divorces, remarriages, and making more kids that happened over 15 years ago. I will say it again. Divorces, remarriages, and more kids hurts children. I am also still dealing with some of the problems that have come as a result of my mother having to go back to work after her decision to divorce. Not having an at home mom was very painful to me and my siblings. I am again living proof that having a working mother can easily lead to a lot of overlooking. Also, the parental figures in my life were easily distracted from their parenting duties by the new relationships they were actively seeking. I know what I am talking about when I write about pain, issues, and damage that stems from these things. I am typically coming to you with the point of view of children that are in broken home situations.

My second qualification comes from my education. I have a bachelor's degree in social work. With this degree comes a great deal of study on temporary mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, low self esteem, bi-polar, eating disorders, ADHD, insecurities, and so on. I also did extensive studies about the effects of abuse, neglect, divorce, etc. and I write a lot about these findings and how I see them relating to divorce, single parent homes, remarriages, abuse, and so on. I did an internship working with adolescent sex offenders. I am well versed in the sexual offense cycle and see so much of it coming from the broken home. I also have a minor in child and family studies. I spent years studying the development of human beings and the different needs humans have at the developmental stages of life. Typically, when I talk about the importance of children growing up with a mom and dad and other similar needs of children, it comes from this side of my education. I do not claim to know everything, but I do write about what I have learned and what I know from my education and experience with social work.

My third qualification comes from my work in the public school systems. I am a substitute teacher and I work daily with children who we often label trouble youth, misguided youth, out of control youth, and so on. I can immediately, and fairly accurately tell what kids come from what kinds of backgrounds, by their attitude and appearance. Also, when I talk about the education our schools are providing, which I plan to do more of in the future, I know what I am talking about. When I talk about the idiots that we are passing on to the next grade level, I speak from firsthand experience. I speak with accuracy when I tell you that most kids in the junior high level are academic idiots.

My fourth qualification comes from being a student of the expert herself, the Doc. I understand that this one is entirely debatable. Some of you may think of her as a crack pot. That is just fine. Those of you who are unaware of her qualifications, she has a Ph.D. in physiology and is a certified marriage and family therapist, and was in private practice for 12 years. She has been doing what she does on the radio for over 30 years. She knows her shit. I am confident that she knows her shit. One can only help but to learn that shit after so many hours of attentive listening.That does not mean that I follow her blindly. I listen and critically think about what she has to say. With my professional education being what it is, I find her more and more credible, because I see the parallel to what she does with what we study in the classroom and in the profession of social work. From my personal history, I see that she is accurate in her positions on divorce, dating, self esteem, eating disorders, and so on. I try very hard not to just regurgitate her words, but instead, I try to explain the lessons I have learned in my life that have stemmed from her wisdom, feelings she stirred in me, and experiences I have had as a result of her. I do share a lot of similar opinions because I have seen the literal application to them in my own life.

My purpose in writing about the controversy is not to upset anyone. It is not to make judgments about anyone. It is not to make decisions for anyone’s family. It is really to bring some knowledge and perspective that I have to offer to men, women and children who find themselves in situations laid out on the blog. If I have any chance of helping any parent out there not to make the same mistakes that were made in my life, it is worth the criticism I am getting. I hear about so many mothers, especially in my fields of work as both a social worker and a substitute teacher who simply don't give a second thought to the needs of their children. That is my biggest fear about parents. I guess one of the reasons why I am so passionate about the subjects I keep blogging about is because of my life's experiences and how difficult they were when they didn't need to be. Those of you who are upset with my rants against these issues- know that I am blogging to do what I can to help children.

If I have the chance to help one child have a better childhood than I did, it’s worth it to me. I appreciate you respecting that point of view. I don't mind anyone disagreeing with me, but there are some very common mistakes being made from a majority of parents that hurt kids. Our deteriorating society is a reflection of that hurt. I am just doing what I feel I can to help parents see it from their child's point of view, and like I said, if I have the chance to help a child, it’s something I am willing to. Next time you feel like this:  

(Ticked at me for something I have said) 

I would appreciate you simply remembering my goal here. Like the Doc, I want to help children.

Thanks for those of you who take my opinions with a grain of salt and read my blog from the perspective of trying to help any child who may find him or herself in a situation similar to mine.

Now, I think you are ready for more of the feminist movement :)

The Feminist Movement. Part 4. The dying SAHM.

If you have missed the other blog posts about The Feminist Movement, make sure you check those out. They will enhance your experience with the feminist movement laid out here. 

Part 4 of the feminist, or should I say anti- feminist movement will cover arguing how most problems in our society (poverty, drugs, sex, teen pregnancy, abortions, selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children, etc) can be traced back to the fact that most mothers do not stay at home anymore with their children. Because the feminist movement told women that being at home to raise children is not an important thing, and it shouldn’t be a priority.

I started to see this connection in the internship I did for my social work major. I did it at a counseling center that specializes in rehabilitating adolescent sex offenders. Shocker I know. I see that look every time I tell someone that’s what I did. I learned a lot about sex offenders in my months there. Lots of misconceptions. But the most interesting connection for me came after getting to know the offenders’ family histories and reading more about their lives and how their offenses took place. I have been able to trace all of the offenses back to pretty much one factor. No parent in the house to supervise. Now days the kids everywhere are SURROUNDED by sex. It's on TV, it’s in commercials, it’s in the movies, it’s in video games, and it’s on the internet. The first step in the sexual offenses that took place was these boys seeing some kind of porn. They find it on their own, or they are shown it by their friends. Where was mother to monitor and supervise her children's activities? She was not at home, but at work. The next thing that happens with these boys is they begin to experience the difficult task of dealing with the thoughts and desires and curiosity that pornography brings. I can't imagine how difficult this must be, a young teenage boy going through puberty trying to deal with thoughts and feelings from porn. These boys may start off mild, viewing mild porn, but it quickly grows into much more. They become very curious about what they see, and there is no one to sit with these boys and teach them how to handle these raging sexual emotions and curiosities, because the ones who should be are both at work. Porn leads to so many other sexual activities, and

pretty soon 6^th graders are having sex, at home, in their bedrooms because there is no mom to supervise. She’s at work. (That is a real story from my internship. Can you believe it! 6th grade!)

The boys that I worked with were not supervised at the time of their offense, not any of them. They went from finding some form of porn to being alone with younger brother or sisters, cousins, neighbors, and nieces, and used them as ways to get rid of the throbbing in their groins and to appease their curiosity. Unsupervised boys get into sex. Period. There is no arguing that. Boys need pretty tight supervision to keep their sexual urges under control. When these boys were not supervised, and when their victims were not supervised, the offenses eventually took place.

I mentioned above that the feminist movement is responsible for a majority of the poverty, drugs, sex, teen pregnancy, abortions, selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children that we have in our society? Where is the method to my madness? Sex is a HUGE problem in our society, and I just explained how quickly young children exposed to sex will get into big trouble. But what about those other things I mentioned?

Well, first and foremost, the feminist movement took women out of the homes. And unsupervised teenagers get into consensual sex very quickly these days. Boys want sex. Girls, especially teenage girls want male approval, love and acceptance. They just want to feel beautiful and important to someone. They desperately need a strong male role model in their lives, but thanks to all the divorces and the women who get pregnant and never marry, that natural male role model for these girls---their fathers, are gone or involved very limitedly. So these very vulnerable girls looking for male approval find these horny teenage boys to give it to them. And since neither teen has a mom at home to supervise, they have a place to go do it. This causes way too much teenage pregnancy, which also causes abortion. This also causes poverty, because most pregnant girls want to raise their babies regardless of what it will rob the baby of. Many of them don't end up marrying the boys who knock them up and now a teenage or young adult girl is left to raise a child on her own. This also leads to a whole new generation of unsupervised children, because mom is at work making ends meet. She can't afford to be home with her kids, because she has to get a paycheck. And so the cycle continues. More children get into sex. More illegitimate kids are born out of wedlock and robbed of fathers and highly involved mothers. Drugs can happen for a number of reasons. The obvious is that when teens are not supervised many get into drugs, just like sex. Second is that most of these teens are suffering from not having a nice traditional home life with a married mom and dad. Their fathers at best see them with 50% joint custody, but usually it’s much less. Moms don't see them much during the day because they are working. This leaves a child to feel neglected and it causes them a lot of pain to not have 2 loving and involved parents, which a lot use drugs to mask. Lots of drug users come from homes without married parents.

(I realize there are exceptions to every statement I am making. There are some children from intact families who struggle with similar problems, and there are children who come from broken homes who come out on top and don't struggle with drugs or sex. The point I'm making is majority focused.)

Now, how did the feminist movement create selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children? Well, simply stated, parents are not parenting anymore. They are at work, and feel guilty for not being home, so they over indulge. They spoil. They buy things for their kids that they do not need nor have they earned, out of guilt for not parenting. Secondly, good parenting is hard, and many parents don't do it anymore, probably because they are too tired from working and all the other responsibilities of taking care of the home. They are too tired to parent effectively, to face the fight and tell their kids no. They give in and their kids become even more spoiled and feel even more entitled. Thus we have selfish, spoiled, and entitled children. Now how do we get incompetent children? With no parent in the home to monitor and help with education, homework doesn’t get done. I work in the public education system as a substitute teacher, and believe me, kids these days are idiots. I don't blame them; I blame their parents who never help with homework. Who never are there to explain concepts in a way their child might better understand. Many of the kids in today’s schools (take it from a sub) need pretty close attention in order to grasp the beginnings of academics. What I believe is happening is that students get frustrated from not understanding, and give up. Another problem that these poor kids have is the way we diagnose them with ADHD because they are not paying attention. In most cases they are not paying attention because they don't understand and no one gives them the time of day to sit with them and help them figure it out. (Again, I'm making a blanket statement, and as a social worker I understand that ADHD is a real problem and many are treated correctly with medications. But I have also seen many “ADHD” children who quickly overcome this diagnosis with a little extra attention and TLC.) Incompetence starts at a very young age, and just spirals downhill from there. I frequently sub 8^th graders who can barely read. I get junior high kids who can’t comprehend sentences. I see middle school kids who don't know the meanings of very basic words. This is all stemming from, in my opinion, a lack of attention when they were just starting school. So their academics are shot to hell from the get-go. Public schools are failing our children, but mostly because the teachers are not able to pick up the slack that the parents are not picking up. I'm satisfied that if we could get moms back in the homes to be involved and dedicated mothers, so much of our society would be turned around for the better. There would be less poverty and teen pregnancy, there would be better academics and our society as a whole would be kinder and far less spoiled and entitled.(And I do plan to expound upon that in later postings.)

The Feminist Movement. Part 3. The Divorce Epidemic

The feminists, created by this movement are so concerned with being “independent” and “self reliant” that they have become disrespectful of the traditional gender role a man plays. They are so worried about having to “rely” on a man that they no longer have respect for role A and role B that make up a family. Go check out my posting "The Feminist Movement Defined: The Biology of Gender Roles" for a better explanation on this, in case you missed that earlier post. These women instead of respecting their biological role, are more concerned with fending for themselves and loose all respect for the men they marry who are trying to play that role. Another disclaimer I would like to make; I do think it’s important that a woman be prepared to take care of herself and her family in case of a family tragedy. I do think women should be educated. I do think they should be prepared to provide for a family in case their husbands are no longer able to fulfill role A. But I don't think that a woman should take on the role of providing financially for a family if a man is able to do that. Failure to play these natural gender roles is going to result in a very unhappy marriage, and/or ultimately… Divorce. I want to quote/paraphrase something I once heard the Doc say… I was really struck by this,  

When a man doesn’t feel like a man, and his woman doesn’t make him feel like a man, and when a woman doesn’t feel like a woman, and her man doesn’t make her feel like a woman, just like you have in a dual income family, what you’ve got are 2 neutral people who are just going to fight. Because it is unnatural not to play the parts of your gender roles and it gets competitive fast. The feminist mentality does not express joy in femininity and masculinity. It denies that there is a difference, or if there is, it is not relevant. And certainly that masculinity is nothing to be proud of. And femininity is something that you have to submerge, because it’s more important to be at work.

So, women who choose to play the natural male role are never quite satisfied, because they were born to play the female role. They then decide to take this unsatisfactory feeling out on their husbands, and at no fault of his is she feeling this way. He is punished and scapegoated for no good reason. I went over this much more in "The Feminist Movement. Part 1. The Abusive Spouse," how the feminist movement created abusive spouses. If this guy dare to challenge his woman, he is emotionally abusive. We throw that emotionally abusive term around all too frivolously. There are 3 good reasons for divorce. Addiction, Abuse, and Adultery. Besides that there is no good reason to ruin the lives of innocent children. Unhappiness is NOT a good reason for divorce. Falling out of love is NOT a good reason for divorce. Those things should be dealt with until the last child is 18. If reconciliation is not possible after that, divorce is warranted. But until then, a couple should work at marriage, turn towards each other and not against each other, and work on respecting each other in their respective gender roles. For the sake of children, who have so much more to deal with in this world, that they don't need to have the stress, strain and heartbreak of a broken home. Women who leave the home to work, eventually end up in unhappy marriages. Unhappy marriages, because of the feminist movement and the feeling of entitlement and power a woman has over a man almost always end in divorce. Divorce is terribly detrimental and devastating to children. I speak from experience as I am the victim of a divorce, and for no good reason. Too many women feel it is their RIGHT to seek happiness outside of the marital unit that they have already created and made vows towards. That is the idea that has been put into woman's heads via the feminist movement. I feel they don't have any right to do that. They make a decision that devastates many lives, and typically not another soul has any say in it. That is morally wrong, in my never to be humble opinion.

Bottom line, most feminist women are selfish, and all too often they throw away perfectly good husbands, and devastate the lives of their children because they believe they have a right to disregard their vows and look for the greener grass they believe is on the other side.

The Feminist Movement. Part 2. Girls and Grown Women

The feminist movement created a lot more girls, and a lot less grown women. What is the difference you ask? I thought this was a cute answer to that question. I didn’t write this, I heard it on the show:

Girls leave their schedule wide open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.

Grown women make their own plans and are willing to drop any of them for time with their man. 

Girls want to control the man in their life.

 Grown women know that if he is truly yours, he doesn’t need controlling.

Girls punish or nag you for not calling them.

Grown women understand they are not the only ones you are busy with.

Girls are afraid to be alone.

Grown women revel in it using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.

Grown women ignore the bad guys. 

Girls try to make you come home. 

Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.

Grown women know that when they are loved and loving, they are automatically beautiful to their man.  

Girls try to monopolize their man’s time. I don't want him hanging with his friends.

Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the together time even more special.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.

Grown women offer their shoulder.

Girls want to be spoiled and tell their man so.

Grown women show him. And make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man, and make all men pay for it.

Grown women know that it was just one man.

Girls fall in love and aimlessly chase the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.

Grown women know that sometimes the one you love doesn’t always love you back, and they move on without bitterness.

Girls will read this and cop an attitude.

Grown women will read this and re-post it.

Boys will read this and be confused.

Men will read this and take notes and re-post it. 

Isn’t that such a perfect explanation of the difference between girls and grown women? I thought so. I don't know about you but I know plenty of girls and not enough grown women. And those damn girls are the ones who scare all the guys away from commitment. I don't blame those guys; I wouldn’t want to be committed to a girl. But it does make it a challenge for those women who are looking for commitment.

Now, Dr. Laura is an author, among many other things. She has written many books, one of which you may have heard of. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. This book gets kind of a bad wrap I'm afraid. I think, just like everything else Dr. Laura, it is pretty misunderstood and those who have opinions on the book are the ones who have not actually read it. (Remember that saying from grade school? Don't judge a book by its cover? Well, this book is no different.) Too many people like to tell me about this book without actually having read it. I have read it, twice, and it’s my marriage bible, (even though I am not married) and I tell each and every single man out there that I can to never to marry a woman if she is unwilling to read this book. This should be a deal breaker for men when picking a woman. Why? The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has taken many girls and made grown women out of them. And you know what? Girls are not happy creatures. Grown women are. Girls are bitter, hostile, untrusting, and nasty. Grown women are happy. Girls are always mad, always on edge, always ready for a fight. Now, wouldn’t you rather be a grown woman?

The Stay At Home Mom.

I love SAHM’s. They are my heroes. I admire them and look up to them more than I could express in this blog. The sacrifices a woman must make these days to put her kids first as a SAHM are pretty intense. First they must put up with all the nay-sayers. Those who put them down for only being SAHM’s, for “wasting” their education and talents, and for not contributing to the finances of the family. As a future SAHM, and quite open about my intentions to be so, I have already faced this. Particularly with those who were involved in my education in some way or another, teachers, supervisors, classmates, etc. I got my education for many reasons. But none of them was so that I could work for the rest of my life. I am constantly defending my decision to stay at home with my future kids but that is alright with me. I am planning to have children to give them a life, not to continue on with mine. Their needs will immediately become my first priority and my wants will be set aside until the appropriate time.

These days, it’s also pretty normal for a family to function on two incomes. This becomes the SAHM’s second big challenge. In order to live off one income, many SAHM must budget their brains out. They must clip coupons and figure out what kind of things they have at the home that they can do without. Do they really need cable TV? Do they really need a boat? Do they really need two cars? My motto is, and will be: “Find something else to eliminate besides me.” I don't want to take myself out of the home and take all those fun moments that a mommy gets to experience away from me so we can afford the extra vacations, the big house, the expensive clothes or the flashy cars. My job in the home will be to make ends meet with my husband’s income, whether that be 25k or 125k. My job will be to budget. That is how I will contribute financially to our family. These are just 2 of the many challenges and sacrifices a SAHM must make, but how lucky a SAHM is in return. First of all, I HATE getting up and going to work every day. No matter what job I have ever had, even the ones I have loved, I still don't love being committed daily to that job. Why would I want to subject myself to a job every day when I could play with and teach my kids instead? Also, kids do and say the cutest darn things. Why would I want to miss out on any of that to go to work, a place I hate? And what about from a child's point of view… How many of you, given the chance to re-live your childhood would choose to be raised by babysitters, nannies, daycare workers over a mother? I would give anything to go back and have a childhood with an at home mother. I know firsthand what it is like not to have a SAHM and I refuse to put my kids through that. I know what it’s like to be a latch key kid, to be on your own for homework, dinner, putting yourself to bed, and have no one to step in and save you from your mean brothers who constantly pick on you. I know what it is like to be bored to tears being home alone all day every day. I also know what it's like to be fiercely jealous of any friend who had a SAHM. I vow that my kids will never experience that.

Now, this is not meant to be a diss on the working mother. It's not meant to make one feel guilty, and I'm not looking for the defensive arguments, I'm just pointing out that being a mom is such a cool thing, why would anyone choose to miss out when they didn’t have to? (And I get a little worried about day cares after reading this.) I am also pointing out that we are morally obligated once we bring a child into the world to do what is best for them, not for us. And I don't know, what kid would you rather be?

The one with the SAHM, who wants and loves to have quality time with you?

 

Or the one with the mom who is just a little too busy with the clients to read to you or to take you to the park or enjoy your cooing and babble talk?

Or would you rather be the kid who gets to spend his day lined up in one of these cute rows, only getting attention at feeding and changing time?

I don't know, maybe its just me, but I like the idea of giving my kids the first mom. But your right, I'm probably wasting my my education.