30 Days of Photographs. Day 5

Some of you may remember, most of you will not remember that 100 years ago I started this 30 days of Photographs. {Back in April to be exact is when I have designated as 100 years ago. FYI, consult your calendars and make necessary adjustments.} Back in May was when I posted Day 4. I said it wouldn't be 30 consecutive days, but even this is embarrassing. Sorry to my millions of avid fans who hang onto my every word. :) I have been busy this summer. But now that the school year has started back up I have much more time to blog. And I am back with a fury vengeance. Ready to blog about hundreds of things that inspire me.

With that said, lets move right along to Day 5.  

Day 5: Most embarrassing photo. 

This may or may not be THE MOST embarrassing photo of me that I could find, but while the jury is still out on that, this picture is one that I found to be quite embarrassing and worthy of the Day 5 Spot. 

First of all, don't let the date fool you. I took a picture of a picture and my current camera put that date on this photo. It was really taken a LONG time ago. I am going to make an educated guess 1997. I think I am pretty darn close. That baby in the photo is 14 years old now. I may be off by a few months but you know... 

So, how hilarious is this look? Was I like trying to be borderline goth or something? I was 12 in 1997. You know those 12 year old phases… And scrunchy bracelets were SO in back then so get off my back. :)

This was at the airport, sending my Grandparents off on a mission to South Africa.
I am the one on the far right, in case you don't know what a goth is or what a scrunchy bracelet is. :)

What a dork. A dork with fabulous red hair, I must say.Oh, and a doggie tag.

Flash Back Fridays. First Computer Experience.

I don't know what prompted this memory but it just came into my head one day. Today I would like to document the first time I ever typed something on the computer. 

This is a pretty standard computer these days, in 2011. 

Sleek and proficient isn't it?

Aah, but t'was not always so. 

This was a pretty decent computer back in the early to mid 90’s. A model similar to the computer I was using in this story.

Onto the memory.

I was in 6^th grade typing a book report. The year was 1996. We of course didn’t have a computer at my home {my mother STILL does not have a computer but that is a completely different story} so I had to go to my aunt’s house to use hers. She had to leave to go run some errands so she was unavailable for consultation when I had a question. So, I began to type up my book report. I don’t remember the book I chose to do but I do remember the project I chose to complete. I chose to type up a fictional interview with the author. I was to be “conducting the interview” and I was to come up with questions that I'd like to ask her and I would imagine her responses. So, off I went.

Mind you all, this was my FIRST experience typing on a computer. The only time prior to this that I had even sat in front of a computer was probably in 2^nd grade (1992) when my class went to our brand new computer lab in the school and we were taught how to play some kind of pulley game with weights and math and stuff. The computers didn’t even have mice back then. And the screen was black with green letters. But it was a HUGE deal to have a computer lab with a classroom full of computers in our very own school! 

Wow. I get a silly fascination thinking back to those days.

So, I was typing along and I remember that I had no idea how to capitalize a letter except for pushing the “Caps Lock” button. So at the beginning of every sentence I would have to hit Caps Lock, the letter, then Caps Lock again. I remember it being a daunting task. That was also long before Word came out with the wonderful feature that capitalizes the words for you. I don't remember how long my book report was but I'm sure it couldn’t have been more than a page long. It took me about 2 ½ hours to write it… this was also a long time prior to me ever taking a typing class and I had no idea how the keys were organized on a keyboard. It was search and peck for a daunting amount of time.

“Why can't they just be in alphabetical order?” I remember thinking to myself.

The other problem that I remember having was quotation marks. I was typing up a “pretend” interview I was conducting with the author and I knew that everything needed to have quotation marks. There was just one problem. I had no clue of the existence of the shift key and I could not for the life of me figure out how the quotation marks were supposed to show up on the screen. All that was showing up when I pushed the button was an apostrophe. I was seriously stumped.

Too embarrassed to admit that I had no clue how to work the quotation button, and having no aunt around to ask anyways, I decided to just skip them. "Oh well" I thought. My teacher probably won't notice.

Well, book report time comes and I go to the front of the class to present. I hand her my paper to look over and start with my oral report. She asked a couple of quick questions about the paper. Then she asked me why there were no quotation marks on the conversation I was fictitiously having with the author. Of course I was way too embarrassed to admit that I tried but couldn’t figure out how to type them, and that each time I tried to get them to show up I just got an apostrophe, so I simply told her that I forgot about them. And that was embarrassing too. Followed by a lecture and a lesson on the proper uses of quotation marks (as if I didn’t know!) It was quite awkward for me.Cause the entire class knew I'd forgot about the quotations. "Duh Jerilyn, that is like English 101" I am sure they were all thinking.

What a disastrous first experience with typing on a computer.

I figured that would be quite a humorous story to share with my future kiddo’s, since I have a feeling they will be born from the womb ready to program computers and use fancy Ipads and other things that haven’t even been invented yet.

Well future kiddos, your mamma was born right about the same time as the computer was. It was years before a computer was a normal thing to have in a home and she had no idea how to use one until, well basically until she got to college and had to take a computer class.

Oh the memories.

I'm linking up to flash back Fridays. 

Flashback Friday is a weekly series on "Hopes and Dreams."  

Each Friday a different memory from Jessi's or John's past is posted.  You are invited to join the fun and record a memory of your own, too, whether it be on your blog, in your journal, in an audio file, etc.  The objective is to foster an appreciation and desire for personal record keeping as we are forming our personal histories.  Also, if you chose to blog your memory, you are invited to link up to our memory (but only if you wanna).  

TGIF....

Whats that you say? Its not Friday? 
I know... Just stay with me. 
Just so ya'll know, I spent 2 hours writing this post a couple weeks ago. I stayed up until 2 am. Posted it. Clicked on the edit button cause I had a little type-o that I wanted to fix and Botta Boom Botta Bang it was GONE. Vanished into thin air. And, since I broke my own cardinal rule to NEVER blog something in blogger but into a word document, it truly was gone. I was so ticked I just left it alone. For 3 whole weeks. Now I've decided to be un-ticked on and RE-POST this week's top ten list.
 Today's Top Ten Tuesday comes from the TGIF days.  
Now, I know it is not Friday... 
{Actually it's Tuesday and I am actually participating in my own Tripple T list on my own blog, on the right day. Send in the press. It may never happen again. Kidding, it's going to happen all the time now.} N-E-Ways, back to reality.  
Now, Friday is not what I meant by TGIF. What I really meant was that since it is Tuesday, it is time for Triple T, (Top Ten Tuesday) and the list I have decided to make today comes from my early pre-teen years. 

Remember the TGIF television line-up in the early 90's?

Oh the memories I have of TGIF. I loved TGIF! I remember so many Friday nights my brothers and I fighting over who got to control the channel. My brothers didn't like all the shows that were on so if they were in charge I didn't get to watch Full House or Family Matters. I used to whine and beg them to let me watch all the shows in the line up but they rarely let me. I also remember when it dawned on me to outsmart them. If I got to the television before they did then I had controller rights. You know, the old "I was here first" rule that holds ALL the clout in the world to children. I used to plan on Fridays to come home quickly from school and rush through my homework and get to the television before they did so that I would have the remote rights for the entire line-up. Oh the good old days before TVO.

And for a nice walk down memory lane, here is my Top Ten favorite sitcoms from the good ol days. 

In no particular order:

1. Full House

I said no particular order, and while the other 9 can't be ordered by liking per-say, this one can. Full House was my ULTIMATE fave.

And long before I even realized that men existed I had a huge crush on Uncle Jesse. Little did I know what amazing taste in men I would end up having. He still makes me weak in the knees. Mullet and all.

HAVE MERCY!

2. Step-by-Step

I thought this show was HILARIOUS.

And what a cute group of misfits in a step family.
And in my traditional, boy crazy, pre-teen, stage of life cousin Cody was the ultimate hottie.

Reflecting back on this, does anyone else think its hilarious that the dude lived in a van down by the river in the back yard?

3. Family Matters

I know you are all saying it right now: "Did I do that?"

Something about a black nerd that everyone pretended to hate but secretly loved.
Remember that one episode when he stepped into a time machine and came out all Non-Nerd-Bomber-Like and we all did double takes, picked up our jaws off the ground and stopped drooling and never looked at the Urkel the same way again? Ya, me too.

4. Boy Meets World 

I always felt bad for Cory. Having the SAME teacher from grade school all the way through high school {how odd is that?} AND having him for a next door neighbor. He could never escape from Mr. Feeny.
Long before I knew what a woman crush was, and long before I would ever admit to having one, I totally had one on Topanga.  

 She is hot. 

 5. Charles in Charge

It's all I can do not to break right out into song. Meh, gonna do it anyways.

"New Boy in the neighborhood. Lives downstairs and its understood. He's there just to take good care of me, like he's one of the family. Charles in charge of our days and our nights. Charles in charge of wrongs and our rights. And I sing I want Charles in Charge of me."

Oh what I wouldn't give now to have Charles be my babysitter. :) 

Once again, before I even knew that men existed, I sighed heavily at Scott Baio. What a stud muffin. 

 6. Small Wonder

Remember the robot maid slash slave? 
I think its hilarious that they made a slave out of a child sized robot and got away with it.  
Remember how annoying that neighbor girl was? I remember being ticked about that cause she was a red-head and I thought that because she was annoying all red-heads must be annoying. I was worried that I was no exception. 

 7. Mr. Belvedere

Again, in my youth I don't remember much about this show, other than remembering how glad I was that I didn't have to answer to a strict old English butler.  
I also remember how he used to drink lots of tea. And I had no idea what tea was, but I was told by my parents that it was bad for you. Oh the random and scattered memories I have. LOL.
 

 
 8. Out of this World

 This girl had the coolest secret power ever.
See, her mom was human and her dad was an alien. He had to stay in outer space because he couldn't survive on earth or something like that, but because she was the breed of such 2 species, she had secret powers. One of which was to freeze time by holding her fingers together, as pictured above.  
It was gold. Pure gold. This one my brothers and I always agreed on. They loved the idea of freezing time just as much as I did. 
You could be swinging on a star. :)  

 
 9. Who's The Boss?

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Tony Danza is Yummy in this role. I remember SO much about this show. It was iconic in my youth. 

And drum roll please. Coming in at #10 is


 10. Hanging With Mr. Cooper.

Oh man was this show funny. All I remember was that he was a substitute teacher that lived with 2 female roommates and that I loved it all. 

 This was the best video I could come up with. Its stupid Karaoke but it gets the point across. 

There you have it folks. If you are an 80's junkie like me you will swoon over these videos, as I have.If you don't care about the 80's or if you never watched these shows, well... that's just sad. 

And just below the cut:  

11. Perfect Strangers 

30 Days of Photographs. Day 4

Day 4: A picture of your claim to fame.

Get ready for this one. It's huge. In all its 1999-ness.

Do you remember Corbin Allred?

You know, the star from Teen Angel.

And that guy who played tiny parts on Anywhere But Here, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and that starred in Diamonds and Saints and Soldiers?  
{If you don't, its ok. I think only about 100 people know who he is.}

But regardless, he was in a real movie and I met him in real life. 

I was a sophomore at the time, and his little sister just happened to be on my high school swim team. So for a swim team fundraiser/garage sale, she got him to come and sign autographs.
I thought I was the shiz cause I got to meet a real actor.  
{Even though I'd never seen an episode of Teen Angel. And his parts in Robin Hood and Anywhere But Here total about 30 seconds. And I didn't know why he was famous until other people told me.} 
I didn't care. In all my 16 year-old-ness I thought the only thing that was important in life was being famous or meeting famous people or something lame like that. I've come so far since then. Ha. HA. HA. 

So, anyways, this was pretty much my claim to fame for a while. I knew Corbin Allred's sister and I met Corbin Allred not once but TWICE  
{besides said garage sale I also went to his house for a swim team party and he talked to me in an Australian accent, cause he went there on his mission.}  
Ya, like I said. I thought this made me legit. 

Everyone else was playing it soooooo cool. Then I looked like this:

Look at all the background people. So disenchanted.

I will admit that half of that face is me goofing off and half of it is really, "Look at me, I am the coolest. Some actor named Corbin Allred is standing next to me."

And here is one more of me being a total smart alec. 

{In honor of his movie Robin Hood, I bought that belt from the garage sell and made it my "chastity belt" for years afterwords. Now its in my Halloween costume box.}

I know you all think I'm like a whole lot cooler now. 

I have one more claim to fame that I have to share. 

So, the summer after I graduated {2003} I took my senior trip to NYC. I went with about 30 of my classmates and had the time of my life. That was my first trip to the Big Apple and have been obsessed since. 

We went to 4 Broadway shows in our week there. One of which was a brand new musical called Hairspray. 

The week prior to us being there this new show had just won the Tony for Best Musical of 2003. 

I'm sure you have all heard of this show because of that stupid movie that absolutely did nothing for the original.

Well, I saw it long before it became popular. I saw it long before John Travolta slaughtered the character that he should have been portraying. I saw it with the original cast.  {very proud of that, can you tell?}

The original Tracy Turnblad was none other then the amazing Marissa Jaret Winokur. 

When we got there and were reading the Playbill prior to showtime we realized that Marissa Jaret Winokur was in Never Been Kissed.
I was immediately starstruck.

My first time in the Big Apple and my first Broadway show I already am in the same building as a real live movie star. 
I felt like a million bucks, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Well, after the show we heard that the cast would be signing autographs outside so we lined up and waited. Clearly. Would you expect anything less from a starstruck 18 year old? 

Well, not only did I meet her and got her autograph I also met and got the autograph of the original and far superior Edna Turnblad played by none other than  
Harvey Fierstein {whom I immediately recognized as one of the gunkles from Mrs. Doubtfire} Starstruck indeed. 

I have pictures of Harvey signing autographs but he wouldn't pose for pictures. 

But I do have this picture of me posing with Marissa. 

What the hizzle my nizzle was I thinking with that hairdo? Don't judge that ok? Just appreciate the starstruck 18 year old and her claim to fame. 
Oh, and I have both of their autographs on my playbill. Just thought you should know.

What is in my heart.

Something has been weighing on my heart and on my mind lately. I have decided to share it here today. It's a little more revealing than what I normally would feel comfortable with sharing, but as I have come to the blogging world, I have been inspired by fellow bloggers who share revealing and uncomfortable truths about their lives with me.  So I guess I’d like to share this story as well… as vulnerable as I may feel…

I have this problem see… I block traumatic experiences from my memory.

It's not a good thing, because instead of dealing with past problems, I just block them. Also, when something that I have enjoyed is forced to change, [ie: graduation from high school, finishing my work at Oakcrest, finishing college and moving home, leaving friends behind that I care about because it’s time to close that chapter in my life] I tend to block the good memories from my brain because remembering them reminds me that the people, places and experiences are gone from my life and rather than deal with that pain I just block that it ever happened.

I don't like that I do this.

What has inspired this posting is that I guess for the first time in 3 years I am in the process of unblocking what I once blocked about My Mission. It's been the subject of many sleepless nights the past month.

I guess I will start with the necessary background information. From 2006-2008 I served a mission for my Church. I packed up everything I might need for 18 months into 2 suitcases, left my friends and family behind, and moved to Ukraine, and entire world away.

My Faith has always been important to me and sharing it with others seemed to be what I desired most. My mission to Ukraine was what came of that desire.

For those of you who do not know anything about missions for the LDS Church (which is hard to believe considering how many missionaries there are world wide) a mission location destination is not something you get to decide on for yourself, it is somewhere you get assigned. Also, missions are also completely voluntary. None the less, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

What started out as a good thing, quickly turned traumatic.

Quite traumatic. Traumatic experiences on so many levels and in so many ways.

Unfortunately I blocked most of it from my memories and I have not allowed myself to spend much time reflecting on it since I came back just over 3 years ago.

However on the flip side, that same mission also provided wonderful experiences for me, mostly in the people and the culture and the language. Unfortunately again, along with the bad memories that I blocked I also blocked the good ones.
 

So about a month ago I started to unblock some of those memories. I am not sure why now… maybe it’s because I am in such a better place in my life and I know I can now handle the traumatic experiences that I have honestly never really dealt with. Whatever the reason for my desire to unblock and remember; I now have a desire to unblock and remember. I have a desire to finally for the first time look at my mission pictures. I am also almost ready to get out my mission journals and read them, for the first time since I wrote them.  

I’ve now been laying in bed for 2 hours and I can't sleep. I just keep thinking about Ukraine and the people I knew. I want to cry because half of my heart is not with me and I just feel so incomplete. I left half of my heart in Ukraine and I have never allowed myself to be aware of and notice that before… notice that half of it is missing. That is until now.  

I finally want to remember. 

I have a heart full of gratitude right now for those good experiences and I really am at a loss for whom to share that gratitude with. Maybe that is where my blog comes in. It is the place where I can share the feelings in my heart without really knowing who is reading.

 Me at Slavonogorsk. The MOST beautiful place in Ukraine, and one of my all time favorite places on earth.

 I want the country to know that I fell madly in love with her. Her history is mesmerizing.
Her art and architecture is breathtaking.

Her language is captivating.

едим, пьем, и играем на гитаре!! 

Her people are fascinating.

This dude was the most brilliant man I've ever personally known. By age 32 he was already a Lawyer, a Pediatrician and a Pilot. He spoke Russian, Ukrainian, Spanish and amazing English. LOVED him!  

Her poverty is heartbreaking.

(All the old war widows have no money, no pensions, and no retirement and must resort to physical labor to make ends meet.)

(This is a typical kitchen. Sometimes there isn't even running water.)

 Her food is delicious. Clearly...

We ran out of silverware many times when we had the elders over. Desperate times ladies and gents.

Her culture is charming.

Lots of Communistic history, of course.

Her ghetto-ness is hysterical.

(All too often we would see things like this. Who would make a playground like this? Only in Ukraine)

I miss the drunks passed out in the stairwells, on the buses, on the sidewalks, and pretty much anywhere else you could imagine.

I miss ghetto elevators that sometimes people peed in: 

I miss public restrooms:

When you got to go you got to go... right? Thankfully I didn't have to go bad enough.

I miss the weather:

I miss cool experiences with cool stories. Like this one:

For the story to this face click here.

She was the easiest place to love that I have ever been. I never felt an ounce of culture shock. What I felt was a place of belonging. I keep seeking those feelings again but every avenue that I have ever or will ever encounter has and will disappoint in comparison to the home I had in Ukraine.

I want the people to know that they are the best people in the world. I want them to know that I was touched in every humanly way possible by their kindness, their hospitality, their hope, their humor, their faith, their ability to love, their capacity to live, their ability to look to the future.

 One of the greatest groups of people in the world.

 I'm speechless about this couple.

I was befriended, I was loved, I was taught, I was accepted, I was admired, and I was mentored by some of the finest people in the world. Some of the greatest friendships that I have ever had in my life were with the Ukrainians I met in my short time there.

My Favorite English students.

I want my Father in Heaven to know that I loved His country and His people and I am grateful for the opportunity for such a small moment in my eternity to have spent some of it among His finest. 

I want Russian to know that I think it is beautiful. It is straight forward yet complicated. It is a language that I now long to hear. I long to look up while walking and see the signs in Russian.

I long to get lost and have to ask a native for directions. I long to learn words like ‘snowman’ from strangers on the marshrootka. I long to smile and nod when I have no idea what I am being told. I long to use my English/Russian dictionary daily. I long to butcher the pronunciation and grammar and be politely corrected by some of the smartest and most patient and helpful people in the world. I long to carry on conversations in Russian. I long to hear people on the street call out to me and ask me if I am an American. I long to hear their beautiful Russian accents as they try to practice their classroom English on me.

I long to spend time with my fellow missionary friends. I long to see Megonov and Missuranko, Belekova and Bigun.

I long to see Doxey and Crawford. I long to talk with Withers and find solace in his friendship. I long to learn from Sem’s positive attitude and just be in her presence.I want to hear another one of Taylor's ridiculous dreams.

(Love these people)

I long to have district meetings again with Gray and Dobrusky and Wacky Cake.

I miss Denis and Crossley.

 
I miss Megoniv  so much. No one, before or since has been able to make me laugh like him.

"NO JEANS!" -Zmoleck

I miss Layne:

Oh the memories. 

I miss Chiddy and Chamberlain.

I don't miss Keriak. {She was the devil}

I miss Permenter's Tennessee Twist. And I miss this:

I miss Denis. I miss him so much.

I miss Medina.

I miss Okcana so much that I can't bear to keep in contact with her because it breaks my heart that I am not with her.

Isn’t that so backwards?

I miss Oleg. I wish I could just open my heart and give it to him. I wish he would be open enough to accept the life changing gift that I offered him.

 "Whatever you wish Oleg. Whatever you wish."

I miss hundreds more.

I wonder about this blocking of traumatic experiences thing that I do. Sometimes I think it has served me, other times it is no bueno… clearly. Because look at all the beautiful experiences I had that I refuse to let myself remember. Look at all the remarkable people that I knew that I don't allow myself to keep in contact with. Look at all the good memories that I don't allow myself to have. I don't want to miss out anymore, but that sort of leaves me lost.

How do you reboot your brain to remember these memories? How do you allow yourself to reflect what has been forbidden to reflect on? How do you reopen your closed heart to soak it all in? How can you enjoy what you have told yourself was not enjoyable for so long? I want to go back and relive so many moments in Ukraine. The bad parts have scarred me so much. They have caused me so much pain. They have caused me so much confusion. They have caused me so much anxiety. Unfortunately I missed out on a lot of positive memories as a result. Bummer.

I think it is time to take my brain, my heart and my awareness back there. I have missed it so desperately.

I am ready to remember.
Ukraine, you are forever my home.