Today...

In my quest to find My Voice on this blog, I have been taking some time off in posting frequently. Most recently I have shared with you 2 of the 3 goals that I have made for the month of April. I am working on some other posts that will chronicle my joys, my hobbies, my growth, my goals, and my experiences, but for now I am happy to report on my April goals. I am doing fabulously on the first goal of washing my face every night. I only failed once because I was seriously way too tired. I barely had the energy to take my shoes off and crawl into bed. But don't worry; I washed my face as soon as I got up the next day to make up for it. As far as the budget is going, I already shared my failure for week 2, but week 3 is much better. I am pretty confident that I will be able to make up for what I spent last weekend and my spending habits have gotten way better. I am now forcing myself to decipher between wants and needs and my wants are just not being as catered to anymore.

My 3^rd goal for the month I have decided to keep private. I will report that while I sometimes don't do as well as I would like, I can see daily growth in the right direction and that is all I can hope for. I am proud of myself for the efforts I am making. This is something that I have been wrestling with for probably the past decade or more, and can't hope to change in just a few weeks, but the growth is all I am after, which I am happy about.  

In my recent attempts to shift this blog into more of  what it needs to become; today I want to share some of the things that I am grateful for, even in my trials. I am going through a lot of difficulties right now in my life, mostly difficulties that have to do with figuring out where to go from here in my life. Educational plans, career plans, financial plans, shifting towards adulthood plans… things of that nature. Lately they have been REALLY stressing me out. Stressing me out to the point that I can't sleep and I may or may not be losing my hair. Through it all, as difficult as it may be, keeping focused on the-glass-is-half-full mentality has really been helping me to stay focused and happy. It has enabled me to enjoy life’s small moments regardless of the bigger struggles.

So…  

Today I am grateful for a job that I love. (One of the most cherished lessons I have learned in my life is to NOT force myself to work at a job that I hate just for money’s sake.) While I don't make much annually, I adore what I do. I recently gave up a job that more than doubled my current annual salary. I gave it up because I was miserable. I am so blessed to know that no price tag can be put on my happiness, and a good job is a huge part of that happiness. While the lack of money is holding me back from some of my life’s dreams, I get to live most of them with just a few bucks. That to me is priceless.

Today I am grateful for choices. I get to decide for myself what I want out of life. While the pressure of making these decisions is keeping me up at night, I am grateful that I get to decide. I don't live in a country or a society where I am told what I will be doing from the government, from a father or from a husband. That is freedom that I cherish. If it were up to someone else to decide what I should be doing with myself I would most likely be stuck in a miserable situation. 

Today I am grateful for summer, even though it is really teasing me right now. I think best when I am in the sunshine. I am looking forward to being able to sit outside and meditate about my future. I have a feeling I will best be able to figure myself out, and find solutions to my current plaguing thoughts in those moments. Also, I can't think of anything I enjoy doing more than taking my bike out for a long ride, playing in a softball game, or watching a baseball game, spitting sunflower seeds all over the bleachers. I wait anxiously all winter long for those times. In these moments my life is peaked with satisfaction. 

 I am grateful for my Father in Heaven. I know that He is mindful of my situation and that His hand is in my life. I am grateful that He is approachable and that He loves me. Even when I get frustrated in the situations I find myself in, I know that they are very insignificant moments in the scheme of things. Keeping that in mind is very rewarding and calming. My faith in Him is strong. 

 Today I am grateful for great friends. While we have what seems sometimes like polar opposite agenda’s for our lives, we keep finding ourselves in similar situations that we have to work out. The comfort and perspective it gives me to have people I love facing similar trials is another priceless component to my life.

Today I am grateful for possibilities. I don't care to go into those at this point in time, but a situation that has once given me an ulcer because of anxiety and worry is, for today anyways, not worrying me. I have peace in my possibilities. 

Today I am grateful for self-worth. This is something I cherish daily, because it is something that I worked hard for. But I suppose that today I am especially grateful for opportunities others have at seeing my self-worth. I had 2 such experiences over the weekend. It is very rewarding.  

Through all the stresses of finding oneself that I am currently facing, I am grateful for life. I am grateful for the little stuff. I am grateful for the good days and for the bad days. I am grateful for the opportunities at growth that I will always have in this life and the sense of fulfillment that comes from effort to improve.