I Got No Spit.

Jaws has always scared the crap out of me. 

 Things like

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

and 

"I got no spit." 

 It just gives me the creeps to think about being in that cage. I can't believe people do that for reals!

Shark attacks always scare the crap out of me. I can think of about a thousand ways I would rather die. The very thought is so terrifying that it keeps me out of the ocean in most circumstances. Terrifying as these sharks are, today I am going to talk about a different shark attack subject.

A Book Review.

 The book that I will be reviewing today is the latest and greatest Dr. Laura book called Surviving a Shark Attack on Land. Overcoming Betrayal and Dealing with Revenge. 

While I know its not a book on a life threatening shark attack subject from Jaws himself, shark attacks on land (betrayals and back stabbings) are very real, very scary and very painful.

This book of hers came out just in January and it actually was not one that I was planning on reading any time soon. I have lots of other books I would rather read first. But I saw it at the library and checked it out just to be able to glance at it… skim through it. I do this a ton—check out books I actually have no intention of reading through. I don't know, one of many weird quirks about me. But I couldn’t sleep one night and just picked it up out of a stack of about 10 other library books checked out for the same reason. It was a very quick and very easy read. I finished it in just 2 sittings.

I have to be very honest right now when I say for me it was just meh. Nothing really earth shattering or life changing for me in this book. This was probably because most of the things she goes over in this book are things I have heard many times before on her radio program and since they were not new ideas to me, they had lost their allure. Another reason why this book was just meh for me was that it wasn’t really applicable to my life right now. Sure I have been stabbed in the back before but the feelings that I had then are not feelings that I have now, I have been able to get over the backstabbing and betrayal and dealing with the intense revengeful feelings I felt. (Although at the time I think this book could have really helped.)

So, the content of the book, quickly, is all about getting screwed over—backstabbed by people. All the feelings of hurt that come with that… how do you best deal with them? This book is kind of a how to on the subject. (Who is a better expert with this than the Doc herself right?) Over her 30 years of getting backstabbed and thrown into shark frenzies she had learned a thing or 2 about how to deal with those feelings of hurt. Also, those feelings of revenge that immediate follow backstabbing—you ALL know you have felt them—she goes over how best to deal with those feelings and how to get revenge without doing anything illegal, immoral, fattening, or that changes your character. 

Now, I want people to know that I do not follow the Doc blindly. I have a mind of my own and I use it. I don't just swoon over everything that she says or does. The reason why I like her so much is because she challenges the way I think. No other person has ever consistently been able to do that for me before. I am such an analytical person that challenging the way I think is HUGE for me. This book was very simple for me and honestly didn’t contain much meat that I could sink my teeth into, but it did have a few mind challenges for me, and I want to sum those up for you.

I am not going to summarize any more of the book, because you can do your own internet research on that. I would first like to summarize what I got from it, and finally, my personal experience with betrayal and the lessons I took away from that.

So, onto what I got from it. There were 3 things that really made me think. First and the most interesting part to me were the reasons why people backstab. She encourages you to take your experiences with backstabbing and figure out the motive. Paint the true picture of your betrayer. 

Some of the reasons why people backstab are because of…

·         Possessiveness. They backstab to eliminate competition.

·         Entitlement. They backstab because they feel they should be compensated.

·         Competition. They backstab in order to get something from you.

·         Defensiveness. They backstab because they don't agree with what you’ve said or the values you choose to have.

·         Greed. They backstab in order to gain money and posessions.

·         Jealousy. They backstab in order to ruin the happiness of others they think are happier than they are.

·         Unhappiness. They betray vows, obligations, and responsibilities because they are unhappy.

·         Identity. They backstab because it makes them feel powerful, and important.

·         Evil. Sometimes people are just evil.

·         Expedience. They backstab and betray you simply because it served them in that moment. Those are the kind of betrayals that are prevalent in the movies. New girl comes to school and isn’t cool. Someone genuinely befriends them, and then the popular girls want to hang only if she will betray her first friend. These are possibly the most painful of betrayals because you know you did not mean anything to that person, you were only being used.

This was a very stimulating list I felt was well thought out by the Doc.

The next thing that really struck me in this book was actually not from the Doc but a quote that she used.

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” –Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I never want to be a silent ‘friend’ who simply stands by while my friends are attacked, betrayed or belittled. I always want to be the one to volunteer to go down with the ship. I never want to be the betrayer who just stood by and watched another be attacked. A conscious goal I now have thanks to reading that.

The third thing that I really took from this book is that while the feelings of wanting revenge are real, and while they are strong and overpowering, you cannot allow them to lead you to do something that goes against your morale. My favorite and probably to me the most powerful line in this book was:

“The type of vengeance we choose to administer is a window into our character and a building block for our souls.” –Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

I was once betrayed by some people that I loved. I thought they too loved me but reflecting back on it, I can see that their betrayal was somewhere between entitlement, identity and expedience. It was overwhelming. It completely destroyed me and my entire life. I had to rebuild from scratch. Almost 2 years later I have done a damn fine job if I do say so myself. It is far superior than any life with them ever was, and I am certain that it is far superior than my life would ever have been if I’d continued on in the friendships with no betrayal. Because of this, I have realized that this shark attack was a blessing in disguise. And, as the Doc says, many shark attacks are a blessing in disguise. I can't help but agree. One of her closing remarks is that “I no longer fear shark attacks. I don't enjoy them, but I know that after the bloodletting, it’s up to me to make it a blessing and not a burden.” I may not go so far as to say that I don't fear shark attacks; I don't have that much experience. But I do love and adopt the idea that one of the best way to move forward from them is to find the blessing in disguise that is almost always there. Take the crap life hands you and make the best of it. Stop Whining. Start Living. 

My father once told me (in the mist of this betrayal actually, as I was sharing my desires for revenge) that the best revenge was to become a successful and good person, better person than your betrayer. If in fact the person who tried to destroy you can in the future see that his or her attempts failed, that could possibly be the sweetest form of revenge. And as Drew Barrymore says to her betrayers in the film Ever After: “I want you to know that I will forget you after this moment, and never think of you again. But you, I am quite certain, will think about me every single day for the rest of your life.”

Our betrayers obsess about us. It is freeing to forget about them as the insignificant mean people that they are and continue on to become strong, kind, and successful people.
I have reflected on my fathers’ advice hundreds of times over the past 2 years. It has helped me and pulled me through many feelings of betrayal.

Shark attacks suck. They are heartbreaking. No one should ever have to deal with them, but the bottom line is everyone will at some point. I believe we should be teaching our children how to deal with betrayal, because it is a matter of when, not if. If they are prepared prior to the feeding frenzy they will come out stronger survivors. If you are no good at dealing with the feelings of hurt or the need for revenge, go pick up this book and see what it does for you.