The Committment Bracket.

You know what I have come to learn from the Doc? This may seem very elementary, common sense to some of you, but honestly it never really occurred to me until it was pointed out to me by her. It makes such brilliant sense now and it is a knowledge that I cherish for my future relationships, indeed it is knowledge that could have spared me a great deal in my last relationship. Without further adieu, this knowledge is the fact that there are really 2 types of dating. Those who date for fun, and those who date to find a spouse. I know, its huge hu? I realize that I may be the only person who didn’t realize this fact prior to the Doc mentioning it. I used to think that the way it worked was that 2 people find each other and just hang out until the relationship evolves naturally into whatever it was supposed to evolve into. How immature that actually is though. Things like relationships should be planned much better. Fate is horse manure, in my never to be humble opinion. There are some people who are not ready to get married and to commit their lives to another. There is nothing wrong with this, as marriage is the single most important decision any person could make and it shouldn’t be made prematurely. Those people who are not ready to get married, date to have fun. They date so that they have someone to go to the movies with on Saturday night, or someone to invite to their friends birthday party. They may date someone they know they would not marry, just because that person is fun and will provide lots of good experiences. This can be an important stage to live. I think it’s important to date around and date often so that you understand yourself and your life goals better. I think dating for fun will always teach you more about yourself and what you want out of life and in a spouse. However, most people reach a point in their lives when they are ready to start looking for a spouse. It is then that they begin to date for that intent and purpose. They don't need to stay in a relationship for too long with a person they know they would not marry. It’s not about having fun, staying with someone just to have someone to go to the movies with. These are the people that typically know more about themselves and what they want out of life and they are looking for someone to match those things. They are typically done with all the big milestones of their lives, like school, internships, study abroads, established careers, homeownership, etc. They don't waste time dating the wrong person.

I find it quite dangerous for a person who is dating for fun and a person who is trying to find a spouse to date each other. That kind of situation is always going to lead to trouble. Either it leads to painful breakups, or the one who is ready, ropes the other who is not ready, into making a commitment that he or she is not ready to make. That also leads to trouble. Because, as the Doc so eloquently put it one time:

Don't bother to get married if you're not going to live for the other person. There is no point. You are just going to be miserable. Marriage requires 2 people who love for each other not for themselves. That is the big leap you take when you make vows. You're living your life now for the benefit of someone outside of yourself. If you're not up to that yet, don't get married. Wait. Until you have the concept fully entrenched. It’s very important.

When a person doesn’t understand that concept, of living for the benefit of someone outside themselves, they shouldn’t get married. And someone who does understand that concept shouldn’t be trying to rope someone into marriage who does not understand that. Vows should be taken by 2 people who are on that same plane. Since I am dating to find a spouse, this knowledge has become invaluable to me. It is also something that I have never been taught before. Thankfully I found the Doc. In my last relationship I was dating to marry, but my boyfriend was not. I never realized why the two of us just never quite fit until long after we broke up and this knowledge was brought to my attention. It was a great aha moment in my life. (I realize that I am a little slower than most of you on this subject, but better late than never right?)

So, now that I understand these 2 stages, I am better prepared for my first dates. Now, the Doc recommends being up front right on the first date, and asking someone: “Are you dating for the purpose of finding a spouse? Because that is why I am dating.” I think that may be a tad forward, that it may get a little creepy, especially if a girl were to ask that to a guy. And I have been advised by guys in the past that I should maybe save something like that for a second or third date. I'm alright with that, but there are also ways of finding out where a person is a little more subtly than coming right out and asking. This is something that I always do in the beginning of a potential relationship. Long before we become emotionally attached to one another, I find out if they are in the same stage as me. I have luckily learned from my past mistake, not to date someone who is not dating for the purpose of finding a spouse. I must say, again, that I feel a little slow for not grasping this concept until I was about 24 years old, nevertheless, I have grasped it now, I implement it, and it’s of great benefit to my dating experiences at this point in my human development.

The Feminist Movement. Part 4. The dying SAHM.

If you have missed the other blog posts about The Feminist Movement, make sure you check those out. They will enhance your experience with the feminist movement laid out here. 

Part 4 of the feminist, or should I say anti- feminist movement will cover arguing how most problems in our society (poverty, drugs, sex, teen pregnancy, abortions, selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children, etc) can be traced back to the fact that most mothers do not stay at home anymore with their children. Because the feminist movement told women that being at home to raise children is not an important thing, and it shouldn’t be a priority.

I started to see this connection in the internship I did for my social work major. I did it at a counseling center that specializes in rehabilitating adolescent sex offenders. Shocker I know. I see that look every time I tell someone that’s what I did. I learned a lot about sex offenders in my months there. Lots of misconceptions. But the most interesting connection for me came after getting to know the offenders’ family histories and reading more about their lives and how their offenses took place. I have been able to trace all of the offenses back to pretty much one factor. No parent in the house to supervise. Now days the kids everywhere are SURROUNDED by sex. It's on TV, it’s in commercials, it’s in the movies, it’s in video games, and it’s on the internet. The first step in the sexual offenses that took place was these boys seeing some kind of porn. They find it on their own, or they are shown it by their friends. Where was mother to monitor and supervise her children's activities? She was not at home, but at work. The next thing that happens with these boys is they begin to experience the difficult task of dealing with the thoughts and desires and curiosity that pornography brings. I can't imagine how difficult this must be, a young teenage boy going through puberty trying to deal with thoughts and feelings from porn. These boys may start off mild, viewing mild porn, but it quickly grows into much more. They become very curious about what they see, and there is no one to sit with these boys and teach them how to handle these raging sexual emotions and curiosities, because the ones who should be are both at work. Porn leads to so many other sexual activities, and

pretty soon 6^th graders are having sex, at home, in their bedrooms because there is no mom to supervise. She’s at work. (That is a real story from my internship. Can you believe it! 6th grade!)

The boys that I worked with were not supervised at the time of their offense, not any of them. They went from finding some form of porn to being alone with younger brother or sisters, cousins, neighbors, and nieces, and used them as ways to get rid of the throbbing in their groins and to appease their curiosity. Unsupervised boys get into sex. Period. There is no arguing that. Boys need pretty tight supervision to keep their sexual urges under control. When these boys were not supervised, and when their victims were not supervised, the offenses eventually took place.

I mentioned above that the feminist movement is responsible for a majority of the poverty, drugs, sex, teen pregnancy, abortions, selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children that we have in our society? Where is the method to my madness? Sex is a HUGE problem in our society, and I just explained how quickly young children exposed to sex will get into big trouble. But what about those other things I mentioned?

Well, first and foremost, the feminist movement took women out of the homes. And unsupervised teenagers get into consensual sex very quickly these days. Boys want sex. Girls, especially teenage girls want male approval, love and acceptance. They just want to feel beautiful and important to someone. They desperately need a strong male role model in their lives, but thanks to all the divorces and the women who get pregnant and never marry, that natural male role model for these girls---their fathers, are gone or involved very limitedly. So these very vulnerable girls looking for male approval find these horny teenage boys to give it to them. And since neither teen has a mom at home to supervise, they have a place to go do it. This causes way too much teenage pregnancy, which also causes abortion. This also causes poverty, because most pregnant girls want to raise their babies regardless of what it will rob the baby of. Many of them don't end up marrying the boys who knock them up and now a teenage or young adult girl is left to raise a child on her own. This also leads to a whole new generation of unsupervised children, because mom is at work making ends meet. She can't afford to be home with her kids, because she has to get a paycheck. And so the cycle continues. More children get into sex. More illegitimate kids are born out of wedlock and robbed of fathers and highly involved mothers. Drugs can happen for a number of reasons. The obvious is that when teens are not supervised many get into drugs, just like sex. Second is that most of these teens are suffering from not having a nice traditional home life with a married mom and dad. Their fathers at best see them with 50% joint custody, but usually it’s much less. Moms don't see them much during the day because they are working. This leaves a child to feel neglected and it causes them a lot of pain to not have 2 loving and involved parents, which a lot use drugs to mask. Lots of drug users come from homes without married parents.

(I realize there are exceptions to every statement I am making. There are some children from intact families who struggle with similar problems, and there are children who come from broken homes who come out on top and don't struggle with drugs or sex. The point I'm making is majority focused.)

Now, how did the feminist movement create selfish, spoiled, incompetent and entitled children? Well, simply stated, parents are not parenting anymore. They are at work, and feel guilty for not being home, so they over indulge. They spoil. They buy things for their kids that they do not need nor have they earned, out of guilt for not parenting. Secondly, good parenting is hard, and many parents don't do it anymore, probably because they are too tired from working and all the other responsibilities of taking care of the home. They are too tired to parent effectively, to face the fight and tell their kids no. They give in and their kids become even more spoiled and feel even more entitled. Thus we have selfish, spoiled, and entitled children. Now how do we get incompetent children? With no parent in the home to monitor and help with education, homework doesn’t get done. I work in the public education system as a substitute teacher, and believe me, kids these days are idiots. I don't blame them; I blame their parents who never help with homework. Who never are there to explain concepts in a way their child might better understand. Many of the kids in today’s schools (take it from a sub) need pretty close attention in order to grasp the beginnings of academics. What I believe is happening is that students get frustrated from not understanding, and give up. Another problem that these poor kids have is the way we diagnose them with ADHD because they are not paying attention. In most cases they are not paying attention because they don't understand and no one gives them the time of day to sit with them and help them figure it out. (Again, I'm making a blanket statement, and as a social worker I understand that ADHD is a real problem and many are treated correctly with medications. But I have also seen many “ADHD” children who quickly overcome this diagnosis with a little extra attention and TLC.) Incompetence starts at a very young age, and just spirals downhill from there. I frequently sub 8^th graders who can barely read. I get junior high kids who can’t comprehend sentences. I see middle school kids who don't know the meanings of very basic words. This is all stemming from, in my opinion, a lack of attention when they were just starting school. So their academics are shot to hell from the get-go. Public schools are failing our children, but mostly because the teachers are not able to pick up the slack that the parents are not picking up. I'm satisfied that if we could get moms back in the homes to be involved and dedicated mothers, so much of our society would be turned around for the better. There would be less poverty and teen pregnancy, there would be better academics and our society as a whole would be kinder and far less spoiled and entitled.(And I do plan to expound upon that in later postings.)

Carpe Diem

I know a lot about the Doc. After almost 2 years of basically listening to nothing but her, one is bound to get little snippets and glances into her life. She is a very well rounded person, with more hobbies than most 20 year olds, and at 63, she is vibrant and youthful in said hobbies. She is an avid hiker, she is a sailboat racer, she loves dogs, she takes billiard lessons, she makes jewelry to sell for charity, she knits scarves and sweaters, she has a black belt in martial arts, she owns a Harley and goes on weekend motorcycle trips often, she goes paddle surfing, she is a yoga master, she, well I could go on but you get the picture. The reason I am telling you so much about all these hobbies, is because she inspires me. I have this huge list of hobbies I would like to take up, someday. (Those of you who have seen the film Knight and Day know just how dangerous that word is.) I have always said things like, one day when I have more money I'm going to do this. Or when I finish college I'm going to do that. Or when I get married, I want to have that hobby with my husband. I did that all the time before finding the Doc. But since coming across the Doc, and listening to her tell her listeners about some other hobby that she is taking up, I have been more inspired to Carpe Diem. I have learned from her that life is for the living and as cliché as it sounds, everyday should be lived to its full capacity. I have heard cliché spoken many times before, but never really took it much to heart until I found the Doc. Why? What made her the difference? Well, she never really says much about Carpe Diem-ing. No, not really. She actually just does it. She is always taking up a new hobby or learning how to do something new. It’s because of the example in her own life that I am inspired. She inspires me, through her example, to do more. I have always wanted to take horseback riding lessons. I never had the guts to actually do it, until she inspired me when I learned she takes billiard lessons and she does paddle surfing and sailboat racing. I feel alive on a horse. (I should have been born on a ranch in cowboy boots, but that is another story.) I feel a little sheepish being 25 and taking horseback riding lessons, but at least I am doing something that I love and never thought was possible to do. Traveling is another thing that has always made me feel alive. It’s something that I love to do. It's something that relaxes me and rejuvenates me. It's also something I had a hard time justifying financially until the Doc. Now, I understand the importance of taking time for me, whatever the cost. My ‘me time’ is priceless to me. It’s one of the best ways for me to Carpe Diem. I especially love the beach. I just feel like this woman when I can travel to the beach. 

I am so happy the Doc has encouraged me to get out and see the world and have these amazing experiences whenever I can. There are many other things on my list, but I find myself a little reserved to share more on this blog. Bottom line is that thanks to her, my someday list is rapidly becoming a today list. I am getting so much more out of my life, out of my singlehood, than most others my age. Most I know whine and complain about being single. While that does get tempting from time to time, instead, she has encouraged me to take up new hobbies, stuff that I have always wanted to do before, to fill my life with entertainment and joy that I may not be able to experience as a wife or mother. Each stage of life has its pros and cons. While I am looking forward to the many pros that marriage and motherhood bring, I can't help but feel blessed to look at the many pros that being single brings. I don't intend to waste a moment of it. I don't intend to miss this stage of my life because I was too busy whining about not being in the next stage. I have in fact learned to Carpe Diem each day. And my life is so much more meaningful and rich than it has been over the previous few years. Because in the past previous years I was stagnate. I thought that my youth and opportunities to take up new hobbies had passed me by and I was quite bummed about it.

Thankfully, a 63 year old woman paddle surfing has taught me that you’re never too old to do something that you love, and with that knowledge has come an enriching life and experience. I can't wait to see what my someday list brings me tomorrow. 

The Feminist Movement. Part 3. The Divorce Epidemic

The feminists, created by this movement are so concerned with being “independent” and “self reliant” that they have become disrespectful of the traditional gender role a man plays. They are so worried about having to “rely” on a man that they no longer have respect for role A and role B that make up a family. Go check out my posting "The Feminist Movement Defined: The Biology of Gender Roles" for a better explanation on this, in case you missed that earlier post. These women instead of respecting their biological role, are more concerned with fending for themselves and loose all respect for the men they marry who are trying to play that role. Another disclaimer I would like to make; I do think it’s important that a woman be prepared to take care of herself and her family in case of a family tragedy. I do think women should be educated. I do think they should be prepared to provide for a family in case their husbands are no longer able to fulfill role A. But I don't think that a woman should take on the role of providing financially for a family if a man is able to do that. Failure to play these natural gender roles is going to result in a very unhappy marriage, and/or ultimately… Divorce. I want to quote/paraphrase something I once heard the Doc say… I was really struck by this,  

When a man doesn’t feel like a man, and his woman doesn’t make him feel like a man, and when a woman doesn’t feel like a woman, and her man doesn’t make her feel like a woman, just like you have in a dual income family, what you’ve got are 2 neutral people who are just going to fight. Because it is unnatural not to play the parts of your gender roles and it gets competitive fast. The feminist mentality does not express joy in femininity and masculinity. It denies that there is a difference, or if there is, it is not relevant. And certainly that masculinity is nothing to be proud of. And femininity is something that you have to submerge, because it’s more important to be at work.

So, women who choose to play the natural male role are never quite satisfied, because they were born to play the female role. They then decide to take this unsatisfactory feeling out on their husbands, and at no fault of his is she feeling this way. He is punished and scapegoated for no good reason. I went over this much more in "The Feminist Movement. Part 1. The Abusive Spouse," how the feminist movement created abusive spouses. If this guy dare to challenge his woman, he is emotionally abusive. We throw that emotionally abusive term around all too frivolously. There are 3 good reasons for divorce. Addiction, Abuse, and Adultery. Besides that there is no good reason to ruin the lives of innocent children. Unhappiness is NOT a good reason for divorce. Falling out of love is NOT a good reason for divorce. Those things should be dealt with until the last child is 18. If reconciliation is not possible after that, divorce is warranted. But until then, a couple should work at marriage, turn towards each other and not against each other, and work on respecting each other in their respective gender roles. For the sake of children, who have so much more to deal with in this world, that they don't need to have the stress, strain and heartbreak of a broken home. Women who leave the home to work, eventually end up in unhappy marriages. Unhappy marriages, because of the feminist movement and the feeling of entitlement and power a woman has over a man almost always end in divorce. Divorce is terribly detrimental and devastating to children. I speak from experience as I am the victim of a divorce, and for no good reason. Too many women feel it is their RIGHT to seek happiness outside of the marital unit that they have already created and made vows towards. That is the idea that has been put into woman's heads via the feminist movement. I feel they don't have any right to do that. They make a decision that devastates many lives, and typically not another soul has any say in it. That is morally wrong, in my never to be humble opinion.

Bottom line, most feminist women are selfish, and all too often they throw away perfectly good husbands, and devastate the lives of their children because they believe they have a right to disregard their vows and look for the greener grass they believe is on the other side.

The Feminist Movement. Part 2. Girls and Grown Women

The feminist movement created a lot more girls, and a lot less grown women. What is the difference you ask? I thought this was a cute answer to that question. I didn’t write this, I heard it on the show:

Girls leave their schedule wide open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.

Grown women make their own plans and are willing to drop any of them for time with their man. 

Girls want to control the man in their life.

 Grown women know that if he is truly yours, he doesn’t need controlling.

Girls punish or nag you for not calling them.

Grown women understand they are not the only ones you are busy with.

Girls are afraid to be alone.

Grown women revel in it using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.

Grown women ignore the bad guys. 

Girls try to make you come home. 

Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.

Grown women know that when they are loved and loving, they are automatically beautiful to their man.  

Girls try to monopolize their man’s time. I don't want him hanging with his friends.

Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the together time even more special.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.

Grown women offer their shoulder.

Girls want to be spoiled and tell their man so.

Grown women show him. And make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man, and make all men pay for it.

Grown women know that it was just one man.

Girls fall in love and aimlessly chase the object of their affection, ignoring all signs.

Grown women know that sometimes the one you love doesn’t always love you back, and they move on without bitterness.

Girls will read this and cop an attitude.

Grown women will read this and re-post it.

Boys will read this and be confused.

Men will read this and take notes and re-post it. 

Isn’t that such a perfect explanation of the difference between girls and grown women? I thought so. I don't know about you but I know plenty of girls and not enough grown women. And those damn girls are the ones who scare all the guys away from commitment. I don't blame those guys; I wouldn’t want to be committed to a girl. But it does make it a challenge for those women who are looking for commitment.

Now, Dr. Laura is an author, among many other things. She has written many books, one of which you may have heard of. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. This book gets kind of a bad wrap I'm afraid. I think, just like everything else Dr. Laura, it is pretty misunderstood and those who have opinions on the book are the ones who have not actually read it. (Remember that saying from grade school? Don't judge a book by its cover? Well, this book is no different.) Too many people like to tell me about this book without actually having read it. I have read it, twice, and it’s my marriage bible, (even though I am not married) and I tell each and every single man out there that I can to never to marry a woman if she is unwilling to read this book. This should be a deal breaker for men when picking a woman. Why? The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has taken many girls and made grown women out of them. And you know what? Girls are not happy creatures. Grown women are. Girls are bitter, hostile, untrusting, and nasty. Grown women are happy. Girls are always mad, always on edge, always ready for a fight. Now, wouldn’t you rather be a grown woman?

The Stay At Home Mom.

I love SAHM’s. They are my heroes. I admire them and look up to them more than I could express in this blog. The sacrifices a woman must make these days to put her kids first as a SAHM are pretty intense. First they must put up with all the nay-sayers. Those who put them down for only being SAHM’s, for “wasting” their education and talents, and for not contributing to the finances of the family. As a future SAHM, and quite open about my intentions to be so, I have already faced this. Particularly with those who were involved in my education in some way or another, teachers, supervisors, classmates, etc. I got my education for many reasons. But none of them was so that I could work for the rest of my life. I am constantly defending my decision to stay at home with my future kids but that is alright with me. I am planning to have children to give them a life, not to continue on with mine. Their needs will immediately become my first priority and my wants will be set aside until the appropriate time.

These days, it’s also pretty normal for a family to function on two incomes. This becomes the SAHM’s second big challenge. In order to live off one income, many SAHM must budget their brains out. They must clip coupons and figure out what kind of things they have at the home that they can do without. Do they really need cable TV? Do they really need a boat? Do they really need two cars? My motto is, and will be: “Find something else to eliminate besides me.” I don't want to take myself out of the home and take all those fun moments that a mommy gets to experience away from me so we can afford the extra vacations, the big house, the expensive clothes or the flashy cars. My job in the home will be to make ends meet with my husband’s income, whether that be 25k or 125k. My job will be to budget. That is how I will contribute financially to our family. These are just 2 of the many challenges and sacrifices a SAHM must make, but how lucky a SAHM is in return. First of all, I HATE getting up and going to work every day. No matter what job I have ever had, even the ones I have loved, I still don't love being committed daily to that job. Why would I want to subject myself to a job every day when I could play with and teach my kids instead? Also, kids do and say the cutest darn things. Why would I want to miss out on any of that to go to work, a place I hate? And what about from a child's point of view… How many of you, given the chance to re-live your childhood would choose to be raised by babysitters, nannies, daycare workers over a mother? I would give anything to go back and have a childhood with an at home mother. I know firsthand what it is like not to have a SAHM and I refuse to put my kids through that. I know what it’s like to be a latch key kid, to be on your own for homework, dinner, putting yourself to bed, and have no one to step in and save you from your mean brothers who constantly pick on you. I know what it is like to be bored to tears being home alone all day every day. I also know what it's like to be fiercely jealous of any friend who had a SAHM. I vow that my kids will never experience that.

Now, this is not meant to be a diss on the working mother. It's not meant to make one feel guilty, and I'm not looking for the defensive arguments, I'm just pointing out that being a mom is such a cool thing, why would anyone choose to miss out when they didn’t have to? (And I get a little worried about day cares after reading this.) I am also pointing out that we are morally obligated once we bring a child into the world to do what is best for them, not for us. And I don't know, what kid would you rather be?

The one with the SAHM, who wants and loves to have quality time with you?

 

Or the one with the mom who is just a little too busy with the clients to read to you or to take you to the park or enjoy your cooing and babble talk?

Or would you rather be the kid who gets to spend his day lined up in one of these cute rows, only getting attention at feeding and changing time?

I don't know, maybe its just me, but I like the idea of giving my kids the first mom. But your right, I'm probably wasting my my education.

A Military Wife

I am a constitutionalists, and I have a lot of American pride. I appreciate the sacrifices our troops are making in preserving our freedoms. I think that they are underappreciated by many in our country. I would like to offer my gratitude and respect for them at this time. But this is not what this post is about. This post is a post to offer my gratitude and respect for an even more underappreciated group… their families. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a husband or a wife overseas. Not able to see every day. Not able to share parenting experiences with. Not to be able to kiss and hold and just be with daily. These men and women are so strong. They are my heroes. I never wish myself to be one of these women; I just don't think that I am up to the challenge. But I honor them, I respect them, and I am grateful for their sacrifices. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a son or a daughter overseas, or to have a mother or a father. Its one thing not to be able to be with your loved ones, but the real difficult thing I think would be to know that at any moment, they may die. To be taken from you and your life forever. That is a worry I hope never to experience, but I am so grateful that people do experience it. Because it means that we have troops to defend our freedoms and our nation. Now if only the citizens back home could defend our freedoms and our nations within our communities and branches of government right here in America the way our troops do overseas. If only we could show a little more gratitude and pride to be Americans. If only we could respect our history and our constitution a little better. I promise to do my part.

I heard this read on the Doc’s show and it really struck a chord. I would like to share it with you all. It's dedicated to the wives of the enlisted military. I am grateful for your sacrifice.
What is a military wife?

They may look different, and each is wonderfully unique but this is what they have in common. Lots of moving. Moving. Moving. Moving far from home. Moving two cars, three kids and one dog, all riding with her of course. Moving sofa’s to basements, because they won't go in this house. Moving curtains that won't fit. Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours. Moving away from friends, moving toward new friends. Moving her most important luggage, her trunk full of memories. Often waiting waiting waiting. Waiting for housing, waiting for orders, waiting for deployment, waiting for reunion, waiting for phone calls, waiting for the new curtains to arrive, waiting for him to come home for dinner… again.

They call her military dependent, but she knows better. She can balance a checkbook, handle the yard work, and fix a noisy toilet. She can put together a wooden swing set. She is immediately familiar with dry wall anchors and toggle bolts. She can file the taxes, sell a house, buy a car, and set up a move all with one power of attorney. She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her. Reinvents here career with every PCS. Locates a house in the desert, the Arctic, or the deep south and learns to call them all home, because she makes them all home. She is fiercely independent.

Military wives are somewhat hasty. They leap into decorating, leadership, volunteering, career alternatives, churches, and friendships. They don't have 15 years to get to know people, their roots are short but flexible. They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them. Military wives quickly learn to value each other. They connect over coffee, rely on the spouse network and accept offers of friendship and favors, and record addresses in pencil. Military wives have a common bond.

The military wife has a husband unlike other husbands. His commitment is unique. He doesn’t have a job, he has a mission. He can't just decide to quit. He is on call for his country 24/7, but for you, he is the most unreliable guy in town. His language is foreign, TDY, PCS, MOS, FOB, ACU and so a military wife is a translator for her family and his. She is the long distance link to keep them informed, the glue that holds them together. The military wife has her moments. She wants to ring his neck, dye his uniform pink and refuse to move to Siberia, but she pulls herself together. Give her a few days, a travel brochure, a long hot bath, a pledge to the flag and a wedding picture, and she goes. She packs, she moves, she follows. Why? What for? How come? You may think it is because she has lost her mind, but actually it is because she has lost her heart. It was stolen from her by a man who puts duty first, who longs to deploy, who salutes the flag, and whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her military husband she will remain his military wife.

The Feminist Movement Defined: The Biology of Gender Roles

The feminist movement, in my opinion is responsible for a lot of the demise and chaos in our society. I have a few theories as to how I think this happened, in which I am trying to put forward in these feminist movement series of blog postings. But I wanted to take this time to explain myself, so as not to shock or offend anyone with my bold opinion. I want to remind everyone that when I say feminist movement, I don't mean the one that made men and women equals. I don’t mean that women shouldn’t become educated or that they don't belong in the work force and don't deserve to vote and shouldn’t wear blue jeans. Don't misunderstand. What I mean is the feminist movement that betrayed women’s nature. That told women that staying at home to be mothers and wives is a waste of a woman’s talents, education, and ultimately her life. The movement that brushed aside the developmental needs of children and decided that institutionalized daycare could replace the warmth and care of a mother. Feminist women who are selfish and demanding of their husbands without giving anything back, treat their husbands poorly and then complain when husbands drift or leave when it is largely their own doing. That is the feminist movement that I am against.

So, how did the feminist movement make women betray their nature? Well, way back when, when men and women were first created by God, he created with them natural strengths and roles to play that would complement each other. The man hunted. He prides himself in being able to take care of and protect his woman, to get food for her, to provide shelter and clothing for her, to be her big and strong man. Women also had a role to play. By their very nature they are feminine, they are dainty, nurturing and beautiful. They nest. They take care of the home and the children.

He hunts and protects, she cooks and nurtures, and together they are a family. They each have roles to play, neither more important than the other. Equal, just different. That idea in and of itself is not condescending towards men or women. It's just that each is part of a team, man plays position A and woman plays position B. Both are equally important to the team, neither superior. Up until the feminist movement, men and women were both totally satisfied and happy to be fulfilling their natural gender roles, the ones God intended and created for them. Men and women respected each other. But all of a sudden, the feminist movement began to put the idea into woman’s mind that these roles are condescending towards women. All of a sudden the feminist movement turned these roles, which were once looked at as teamwork, into competition. Now all of a sudden women are not as good as men. It’s condescending to a woman to tell her she can't fulfill role A the way the man can. It’s condescending to keep her locked up in a house all day to do the cooking and the cleaning and to take care of her man when he comes home, role B. All of a sudden, women start playing role A and men are playing role A. Now there is no one playing role B. What happens to the “teamwork” of getting both roles played? Now a marriage becomes a competition. Who contributes the most money? Who worked harder during the day? Who deserves a break from putting the kids to bed and doing the dishes? So now that we don't have anyone fulfilling both of the roles God created for man, but we have role A overload, two things happen. Resentment comes first, because instead of working as a team together to fulfill each role, you start acting like you’re in competition with your spouse. After resentment comes hate, with holding of affection and sex, and ultimately divorce. Now, as a Christian, I believe that with marriage being CENTRAL to God’s plan, divorce is CENTRAL to Satan’s plan. In my religious opinion, which can be taken or discounted at will, I believe Satan was behind the feminist movement because he knew that with divorce, and no one to play role B, destruction would ensue. I will go over this more in detail in future postings, I just wanted to explain a little more about how women betrayed their nature by this wonderful thing we like to call the feminist movement.

The Feminist Movement. Part 1. The Abusive Spouse

I am an anti feminist. I try hard not to be too outspoken on this topic, because it is somewhat political. And if there is one thing I have learned, it is to never talk politics with those you love. When I am given an opportunity to put a plug into the feminist movement and how it has completely ruined our society, I try to do so gently and I choose my words very carefully, so as not to offend anyone. But it is a topic I feel very strongly about and since this is my blog, I can be as outspoken as I want to be.

Now, before I get into arguing my point to the world I want to make one thing very clear. I am not taking about the feminist movement that got rid of the notion and attitude that women were second class citizens. I am not taking about votes for women or having equal educational opportunities as men. That is not what I mean when I say feminist movement. The feminist movement I am talking about is the one that taught women to believe that masculinity is oppressive, evil and cruel. I am taking about the feminist movement that turned women into nagging and nasty wives. I am talking about the feminist movement that devalued the traditional feminine “stay at home mother” role in a marriage and family. I am talking about the feminist movement that told women that they were wasting their lives their brains and their talents by being in the home taking care of their husbands and children and that told them to get out of the house, throw their kids in daycare and go back to work. I blame 95% of the problems in our society on this movement. Let’s explore this. I have so many different points that can be made concerning this issue that I struggle with where to begin. I have however have decided to break it down into a few posts, so as not to overwhelm you too quickly.

For this part one of the anti feminist in me, I would like to discuss how the feminist movement has turned most women into abusive spouses.  

What I am talking about is the attitude most married women have because of the feminist movement and how it has evolved from respectful towards their men, and gratitude for all they do in the marital unit, to resentment. These women can starve and abuse their husbands. They can emasculate their husbands, withhold sex and affection, respect and admiration and their husbands are just supposed to stand back and take it. The men are not allowed to stand up for themselves or they are considered oppressive, emotionally abusive, or just jerks. Feminist women stand around and bash on their men to each other and compete for who has the most awful husband. They humiliate and shame their husbands in public and in private. I am embarrassed to be of the same gender as these women as it has trained most of the young men I date into thinking that marriage is prison and they want nothing to do with settling down and I can't say I blame them. I would not want to be in a marriage with a spouse like that.

What I have come to learn over the past year while listening to the Doc is that all men have a boiling point. They can only stand so much before they get a girlfriend who will talk to them, who will pay attention to them, who will show interest in them, who will adore them, who will be affectionate with them and who will have sex with them. After the affair, when the knowledge of the affair comes to the table, the man is the only one who gets any of the blame. Sure he breeched his wedding vows, and that I don't condone, but she did first. She did not love honor and cherish him. She did not respect him. She was not kind and tender with him. All of which she vowed to do. A man can only stand so much. Men are very simple creatures. They need affection, they need appreciation and compliments, the need respect, they need food, and they need sex. That’s it. If a woman fails to provide those things to her husband, and he finds it elsewhere, I see no one to blame but her. I find it arrogant and cruel to starve and neglect a man of his needs, and then become upset and kick him out when he finds other sources to meet those needs. If a man is constantly nagged, lectured, belittled, and denied sex, eventually he will stop coming home. But the feminist movement has taught women how to be selfish and how to be self reliant and independent of men. Instead of teaching women how to make wise decisions in their men, it has taught them how to pick poorly, and then beat their men to death trying to change him into what they wanted in the first place. I pity men. I feel sorry for what they have to put up with in marriages. Men can no longer compliment their wives without their wives thinking they are making sexual advances towards them. And heaven forbid they make any kind of sexual advances in a marriage. The woman is to decided when, where and how often. Womanly wiles that have the power to wrap men around the fingers of women are gone. Instead, in their place there is nagging, bitching, and neglect. The idea that the stay at home mother is the lowest form of society has ruined us. It's a shame, because it was never about a woman being a slave to her man, it was about each partner playing their part in the marriage. He protects and provides and she nests. Neither is superior to the other and neither is oppressive. But the feminist movement told us that nesting is oppressive and men are therefore evil and cruel for expecting that of a woman, and have spent the last 30-40 years punishing men for expecting that of us. The truth of the matter is, its nature. It's biology. Men conquer and protect by nature. Women have maternal instincts to nest. To punish a man for that biological setup is just evil. I feel so sorry for men to have to live in the world of feminists.  

Bubbles

The Bubble Boy

They say Utah Mormons live in a bubble. Growing up Mormon, and in Utah, I cannot dispute this fact. In fact, I have to support the unfortunate fact whole heartedly. I wish it was not so, but it can't be denied. What I believe happens is that those parents have good intentions to protect their children from the outside influences of “the world” but their good intentions turn into shielding them from the outside world, or, creating a nice bubble that ultimately leads them to believe that there is no evil in the world. I will now attempt to explain what I think parents should do. This train of thought is of course coming from several philosophical points made by whom? You guessed it, the Doc. Have I mentioned that I love her? That she changed my life?

This philosophical parenting point came to me last night while I was at my aunt and uncle’s home for dinner. I have over the past year come to understand the incredible responsibility of good, responsible parenting, of course from the Doc. And because of this understanding I have taken it to heart, as a role that I must prepare for. So even now, years before I become a parent, I am putting a lot of quality thought into how to do it. Almost everything I do leads me to think how I would handle the situation as a parent.

This experience is no exception. Here is what happened:

At the uncle and aunts for dinner. Among us were my grandparents, my parents and 6 of their 7 children, 2 spouses and 1 grandchild and then of course my aunt, uncle and their 4 children. I was having a conversation with my brother. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a mouth. I don't even consider hell and damn to be what others call “swear words.” I have a way with turning almost anything into a “that’s what she said” joke. I will admit, my mind is always in the gutter and I have been known to drop an F-bomb here and there. Not necessarily proud of this, I realize it’s not too dignified or feminine, but I am who I am, and until I decide it’s something I want to change about myself, it’s not going to change. And at this point in time, I don't mind my sometimes crass and vulgar way of thinking.

So, my brother and I were having a conversation and he mentioned a guy I can't stand and something that this guy had said to make me look bad. I was ticked and I said the word “hell” to my brother, in regards to this man, whom I hate. I didn’t shout it but those in my direct circle heard it. I know there were kids around, and I shouldn’t have said it, but again, my brain just does not process that word as being a bad word. And I know I don't have kids, and until I do, I doubt my mind will really be aware that “there are kids around” and to watch the language. It was then that my uncle, who was sitting 2 seats down from me, 180 degrees from where my brother was tapped me on the shoulder. Everyone was looking at me when he told me not to speak like that in front of his kids. This is the thing that I disagree with. Now, I just want to make it clear; I am not trying to justify what I did. I realize it was in the wrong. I just want to point out this infamous bubble and how I plan to avoid it with my children.

I was quite embarrassed. I apologized. Then I looked around to see how close the nearest child was, who was not in hearing distance and who was playing with her cousins, not even paying attention to my conversation. It was then that I thought my uncle had an overreaction. Like I said, I was embarrassed and it really killed my mood. I was not as willing to talk to my brother, because I just felt stupid. So I began to wrap this concept around my brain.

Here I am, a guest in his home, (and granted I said a bad word, but quite a mild bad word. It wasn’t like I dropped the F-bomb. I said hell for hell’s sake) and he went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable, and like a really disappointing person, in an attempt to keep his children’s ears free and clear from the word hell. It's not like his kids are babies. They are 15, 11, and 8. It's not like they have not heard that word at school or on radio or TV. However, instead of teaching his children that ‘there are people in the world, even family that we love, who don't have the same values as we do, but that isn’t a reason to treat them badly or disrespectfully. We can still love them even though they make bad choices.’ Instead, he attacked the guest, whom, in my opinion, he should go out of his way to be hospitable to. Here is a great example of how the bubble is created. The ‘I don't want to even allow my children to hear that word’ mentality becomes the greater goal. In my opinion, it should be about ‘how do I teach my children how to act in situations where they meet people who do not share their value systems?’ As a parent, I hope to make that a priority, to teach my children how to cope with evil, instead of making the efforts to keep them out of the evil. After all, we are supposed to be in the world, just not of the world.  It is the perfect example of how the bubble was created. Damn the bubble. It's not helping anyone.

Dr. Laura, RUDE??? Whaaaaat?

In the past, my attempts to convert every man, woman, and child to the wonder that is Dr. Laura I have had a few people offer their opinions of her. I have heard that she is #1: Rude. #2: Arrogant. #3: Stubborn. #4: Opinionated. And #5: A Woman Hater.

Now, to all of these opinions, (except #5 which is a complete falsity) what I have to say is, well you have a point. I can see how she can be interpreted as rude, arrogant, stubborn, and opinionated. I don't agree that she is actually rude, or arrogant, I think she is taken out of context far too often, and she surprises people with her blunt reactions. More on that in a moment, but first I want to add a disclaimer. I realize that Dr. Laura is not for everyone. She rubs people the wrong way and to some she is just a complete turnoff, even if they agree with what she is saying, they disagree with how she is saying it. I can't disagree with that, and I have not started this blog to debate that fact or to convince or force anyone to love her as much as I love her. But I have started the blog because, simply stated, she has changed my life. I just want everyone to know what she has taught me and how it has made me a better person. I want her to change other lives the way she has changed mine. She may not have the ability to change your life. I can't argue or debate with that, nor do I want to. But you might also be living your life to half its potential like I was. And all you need is a good old fashioned kick in the pants and a different perspective with which to look at life, good old Dr. Laura style, just like I did. To those people, I am confident that Dr. Laura has something to offer you. That is the main reason for this blog. I am blogging for my own sake, to document life lessons I am learning from her philosophical points made by the Doc. But I am also blogging simply to open up your minds. To challenge the way you see things, the way you embrace life. So take it with a grain of salt. I am open to different ideas that challenge the way that I think and open me up to new ideas, and I hope as you read this blog, you are too.

Okay okay okay, now onto the juice. Is Dr. Laura RUDE?

Here is what she has said in her defense. Yes she can be rude; and yes she can hurt people’s feelings. BUT her main priority is to help people. People call her asking her for her opinion. Her OPINION. Sure she is opinionated, that is her job. She is a known to millions as a wise woman and people seek her advice. She has said before that her main job and priority is to HELP people. Her main priority is not to be nice; her main priority is to HELP people. If she needs to be rude to get someone's attention then she is not afraid to be rude. If she needs to nag someone or force them into compliance, then she is willing to do that in order to help people. (And by force into compliance I mean that she has a few rules on her radio program, and she makes her listeners follow those rules, such as, we don't talk about feelings, we talk about facts. She also has a very clear direction as to where the caller needs to take her and if the caller gets off course, she brings them right back). I think why most feel she is rude is because they are in denial. And probably my favorite Dr. Laura quote on that subject is "I am the one with the bat who breaks the denial bubbles." The only time she gets snippy is when people are in denial, or they get defensive. She calls them out on it, and everyone thinks she is rude. No one can argue that she doesn’t help people. She has changed my life, and I know of thousands and thousands of others whom she has helped because they say so every day on her radio show. She is making a difference. Sometimes she has to be snippy to do that, but she isn’t afraid to be snippy to help people. As a society, we put too much emphasis on saving someone from hurt feelings. The truth is that in life, we will get our feelings hurt. We shouldn’t have our mommies shielding us from getting our feelings hurt, we should learn instead how to deal with snippy feelings. As a society I agree that we put too much emphasis on hurt feelings. We avoid hurting feelings to the point that we reward the lazy even when they don't deserve it because they might feel bad if we don't. We help others, or intervene between the natural consequences to the action and the person who needs to suffer them all because it might hurt their feelings if we don't. We focus too much on saving the feelings than learning the lesson. We shouldn’t. As a society we should be learning the lessons. That is also her opinion. She is not going to protect someone's feelings when they need to learn a lesson. She is going to teach them the lesson. If their feelings get hurt, at least she got their attention. More importantly, in more cases than not, the lesson was learned by her harshness

Now, is Dr. Laura arrogant? Is she stubborn? Well, she can come off that way. I think that on her radio program she may tend to be. It is her radio program. It is her professional opinion. She obviously can't force anyone to behave in any one way. She can't control the callers’ situations. All she has to offer is her opinion. If you don't like her opinion, that is fine. You don't have to. I don't agree with everything she says (most things but not everything). If you don't want her opinion, that’s fine. If you think she is stubborn, that’s fine too. She is basically of the take it or leave it mindset. Or at least that is how I interpret her personality. Take her opinion or leave it, but it is her job to have the opinion. It is her job to be stubborn and consistent in her philosophies so as not to be biased.

Now, is she a woman hater? No of course not. She IS a woman. She is simply an anti-feminist. Not the feminist movement that got women to have equal rights not the one that had men thinking that women were second class, but the one that considers masculinity to be oppressive, destructive, evil and cruel. I will be blogging much more about this in the future, this anti-feminist point of view. I share her opinion, quite strongly in fact. Anytime someone has called her a woman hater, it is because they have heard her side with a man, when a woman calls to bitch about masculinity. She is just as tough on men who deserve it. She is also very nice to women who are good to their men. She is not a woman hater. Anyone who listened to her for a week straight could get that. The one call that gets taken out of context is the one that labels her as a woman hater. And that is all I have to say about that.

My Story… How I Found the Doc

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with the Doc. This Doc of course being Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who is referred to by us fans as the moral compass. I found her in about October of 2009 and have been obsessed ever since. At first she was pure entertainment. Her stern, no-nonsense approach to talking with people was funny. These poor callers whom she nagged to death and in some cases embarrassed I just thought were hilarious and I referred to them as pure entertainment.

At that point in my life I was quite a lost soul. I had just gotten dumped, but a very destructive man who used me, and drained the very best of me, and pretty much left me for dead.  I was unhealthy, blaming myself for his lack of human decency and cold soul-less soul. I was depressed, friendless, confused, and desperate. I was convinced that I was trash and that if this man couldn’t love me then no man could. I was very lonely and in my mind I was facing a lifetime with no love. About a year prior to this because of unrelated reasons I had turned against the God I had known and loved for my entire life. I say this to point out that I refused to turn to my God for solace. I was a wreck. I was barely making it day to day. It was all I could muster up to get out of bed half the time. Obviously, I needed an intervention.

Luckily, I was bored with regular radio, so I switched to talk radio. That is when I found her. She was the first person in my life who had ever succeeded in teaching me about life.

In the time since I have found her she has transformed me. First, she got me over my breakup. She got me over the pain, and she got me over the love that I still felt for the creep. She got me over feelings that no one could possibly love me. She got me over the loss that I felt. Then she got me thinking about my mistakes. Mistakes I had made in first off choosing him to date, and secondly the mistakes I made in the relationship. That was invaluable to me. I learned so much from that relationship that I didn’t realize was there to learn, until she pointed it out to me. Then she began to teach me about self esteem, where it comes from, how to get it and how to maintain it. Then I started to grasp the concept of being a wife, not just a wife and not just a good wife, but a perfect wife. I had never ever known how to be a good wife before I found her. No one had ever exemplified good wife-ing to me prior to her. Until the Doc, I didn’t know what it meant to be in a marriage. I didn’t know what marital vows meant or what being unselfish in a marriage looked like. Now, I am confident beyond measure that I know exactly how to make a marriage work. I know exactly how to be the perfect wife. She has taught me about men, the way they think and the way they interact with women. They way they communicate and the way they need to be treated. (Not that I will be a flawless wife, but I at least know how to be one, and have a great idea of where to begin and how to grow into it.)

Then she taught me about perspective. Not necessarily anything she has said on the subject, but more so just in observing her and the perspective she takes. She has the most interesting and wonderful perspective. She challenges the way I think for the better. She has taught me how to look for the positive in the most unpleasant of circumstances. Even things like the death of a loved one or the affair of a spouse. She has taught me about taking responsibility in situations and how the decent and good people take responsibility for their misdeeds. She has taught me about the cherished role of motherhood. She has inspired me to take that role seriously. In all her years as a professional, in all the trainings, education, and awards she has given, in all the good she has done in the past 3 decades of being on radio, the most important thing she has ever done is to be the mother to her son. She is the best parent I have ever known. She is the wisest parent I have ever known.

She is one well rounded amazing person. She has taught me to live life to the fullest. I never imagined getting out of my life what she has allowed me to see. I can't wait to live each day of my life to the fullest. I was indeed living life half of its capacity, half alive, until I found the Doc.

This blog is then my reflections and lessons I gain from interpreting something she has said into my own life. This is how I am growing as a result of her. How I am embracing life, how I am trying to be a better friend, daughter, sister, aunt, future wife and future mother. And it’s my attempt to get you all converted to the Doc. Cause in my perfect world, she would be the end all say all, the leader of us all.