30 Days of Photographs. Day 4

Day 4: A picture of your claim to fame.

Get ready for this one. It's huge. In all its 1999-ness.

Do you remember Corbin Allred?

You know, the star from Teen Angel.

And that guy who played tiny parts on Anywhere But Here, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and that starred in Diamonds and Saints and Soldiers?  
{If you don't, its ok. I think only about 100 people know who he is.}

But regardless, he was in a real movie and I met him in real life. 

I was a sophomore at the time, and his little sister just happened to be on my high school swim team. So for a swim team fundraiser/garage sale, she got him to come and sign autographs.
I thought I was the shiz cause I got to meet a real actor.  
{Even though I'd never seen an episode of Teen Angel. And his parts in Robin Hood and Anywhere But Here total about 30 seconds. And I didn't know why he was famous until other people told me.} 
I didn't care. In all my 16 year-old-ness I thought the only thing that was important in life was being famous or meeting famous people or something lame like that. I've come so far since then. Ha. HA. HA. 

So, anyways, this was pretty much my claim to fame for a while. I knew Corbin Allred's sister and I met Corbin Allred not once but TWICE  
{besides said garage sale I also went to his house for a swim team party and he talked to me in an Australian accent, cause he went there on his mission.}  
Ya, like I said. I thought this made me legit. 

Everyone else was playing it soooooo cool. Then I looked like this:

Look at all the background people. So disenchanted.

I will admit that half of that face is me goofing off and half of it is really, "Look at me, I am the coolest. Some actor named Corbin Allred is standing next to me."

And here is one more of me being a total smart alec. 

{In honor of his movie Robin Hood, I bought that belt from the garage sell and made it my "chastity belt" for years afterwords. Now its in my Halloween costume box.}

I know you all think I'm like a whole lot cooler now. 

I have one more claim to fame that I have to share. 

So, the summer after I graduated {2003} I took my senior trip to NYC. I went with about 30 of my classmates and had the time of my life. That was my first trip to the Big Apple and have been obsessed since. 

We went to 4 Broadway shows in our week there. One of which was a brand new musical called Hairspray. 

The week prior to us being there this new show had just won the Tony for Best Musical of 2003. 

I'm sure you have all heard of this show because of that stupid movie that absolutely did nothing for the original.

Well, I saw it long before it became popular. I saw it long before John Travolta slaughtered the character that he should have been portraying. I saw it with the original cast.  {very proud of that, can you tell?}

The original Tracy Turnblad was none other then the amazing Marissa Jaret Winokur. 

When we got there and were reading the Playbill prior to showtime we realized that Marissa Jaret Winokur was in Never Been Kissed.
I was immediately starstruck.

My first time in the Big Apple and my first Broadway show I already am in the same building as a real live movie star. 
I felt like a million bucks, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Well, after the show we heard that the cast would be signing autographs outside so we lined up and waited. Clearly. Would you expect anything less from a starstruck 18 year old? 

Well, not only did I meet her and got her autograph I also met and got the autograph of the original and far superior Edna Turnblad played by none other than  
Harvey Fierstein {whom I immediately recognized as one of the gunkles from Mrs. Doubtfire} Starstruck indeed. 

I have pictures of Harvey signing autographs but he wouldn't pose for pictures. 

But I do have this picture of me posing with Marissa. 

What the hizzle my nizzle was I thinking with that hairdo? Don't judge that ok? Just appreciate the starstruck 18 year old and her claim to fame. 
Oh, and I have both of their autographs on my playbill. Just thought you should know.

What is in my heart.

Something has been weighing on my heart and on my mind lately. I have decided to share it here today. It's a little more revealing than what I normally would feel comfortable with sharing, but as I have come to the blogging world, I have been inspired by fellow bloggers who share revealing and uncomfortable truths about their lives with me.  So I guess I’d like to share this story as well… as vulnerable as I may feel…

I have this problem see… I block traumatic experiences from my memory.

It's not a good thing, because instead of dealing with past problems, I just block them. Also, when something that I have enjoyed is forced to change, [ie: graduation from high school, finishing my work at Oakcrest, finishing college and moving home, leaving friends behind that I care about because it’s time to close that chapter in my life] I tend to block the good memories from my brain because remembering them reminds me that the people, places and experiences are gone from my life and rather than deal with that pain I just block that it ever happened.

I don't like that I do this.

What has inspired this posting is that I guess for the first time in 3 years I am in the process of unblocking what I once blocked about My Mission. It's been the subject of many sleepless nights the past month.

I guess I will start with the necessary background information. From 2006-2008 I served a mission for my Church. I packed up everything I might need for 18 months into 2 suitcases, left my friends and family behind, and moved to Ukraine, and entire world away.

My Faith has always been important to me and sharing it with others seemed to be what I desired most. My mission to Ukraine was what came of that desire.

For those of you who do not know anything about missions for the LDS Church (which is hard to believe considering how many missionaries there are world wide) a mission location destination is not something you get to decide on for yourself, it is somewhere you get assigned. Also, missions are also completely voluntary. None the less, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

What started out as a good thing, quickly turned traumatic.

Quite traumatic. Traumatic experiences on so many levels and in so many ways.

Unfortunately I blocked most of it from my memories and I have not allowed myself to spend much time reflecting on it since I came back just over 3 years ago.

However on the flip side, that same mission also provided wonderful experiences for me, mostly in the people and the culture and the language. Unfortunately again, along with the bad memories that I blocked I also blocked the good ones.
 

So about a month ago I started to unblock some of those memories. I am not sure why now… maybe it’s because I am in such a better place in my life and I know I can now handle the traumatic experiences that I have honestly never really dealt with. Whatever the reason for my desire to unblock and remember; I now have a desire to unblock and remember. I have a desire to finally for the first time look at my mission pictures. I am also almost ready to get out my mission journals and read them, for the first time since I wrote them.  

I’ve now been laying in bed for 2 hours and I can't sleep. I just keep thinking about Ukraine and the people I knew. I want to cry because half of my heart is not with me and I just feel so incomplete. I left half of my heart in Ukraine and I have never allowed myself to be aware of and notice that before… notice that half of it is missing. That is until now.  

I finally want to remember. 

I have a heart full of gratitude right now for those good experiences and I really am at a loss for whom to share that gratitude with. Maybe that is where my blog comes in. It is the place where I can share the feelings in my heart without really knowing who is reading.

 Me at Slavonogorsk. The MOST beautiful place in Ukraine, and one of my all time favorite places on earth.

 I want the country to know that I fell madly in love with her. Her history is mesmerizing.
Her art and architecture is breathtaking.

Her language is captivating.

едим, пьем, и играем на гитаре!! 

Her people are fascinating.

This dude was the most brilliant man I've ever personally known. By age 32 he was already a Lawyer, a Pediatrician and a Pilot. He spoke Russian, Ukrainian, Spanish and amazing English. LOVED him!  

Her poverty is heartbreaking.

(All the old war widows have no money, no pensions, and no retirement and must resort to physical labor to make ends meet.)

(This is a typical kitchen. Sometimes there isn't even running water.)

 Her food is delicious. Clearly...

We ran out of silverware many times when we had the elders over. Desperate times ladies and gents.

Her culture is charming.

Lots of Communistic history, of course.

Her ghetto-ness is hysterical.

(All too often we would see things like this. Who would make a playground like this? Only in Ukraine)

I miss the drunks passed out in the stairwells, on the buses, on the sidewalks, and pretty much anywhere else you could imagine.

I miss ghetto elevators that sometimes people peed in: 

I miss public restrooms:

When you got to go you got to go... right? Thankfully I didn't have to go bad enough.

I miss the weather:

I miss cool experiences with cool stories. Like this one:

For the story to this face click here.

She was the easiest place to love that I have ever been. I never felt an ounce of culture shock. What I felt was a place of belonging. I keep seeking those feelings again but every avenue that I have ever or will ever encounter has and will disappoint in comparison to the home I had in Ukraine.

I want the people to know that they are the best people in the world. I want them to know that I was touched in every humanly way possible by their kindness, their hospitality, their hope, their humor, their faith, their ability to love, their capacity to live, their ability to look to the future.

 One of the greatest groups of people in the world.

 I'm speechless about this couple.

I was befriended, I was loved, I was taught, I was accepted, I was admired, and I was mentored by some of the finest people in the world. Some of the greatest friendships that I have ever had in my life were with the Ukrainians I met in my short time there.

My Favorite English students.

I want my Father in Heaven to know that I loved His country and His people and I am grateful for the opportunity for such a small moment in my eternity to have spent some of it among His finest. 

I want Russian to know that I think it is beautiful. It is straight forward yet complicated. It is a language that I now long to hear. I long to look up while walking and see the signs in Russian.

I long to get lost and have to ask a native for directions. I long to learn words like ‘snowman’ from strangers on the marshrootka. I long to smile and nod when I have no idea what I am being told. I long to use my English/Russian dictionary daily. I long to butcher the pronunciation and grammar and be politely corrected by some of the smartest and most patient and helpful people in the world. I long to carry on conversations in Russian. I long to hear people on the street call out to me and ask me if I am an American. I long to hear their beautiful Russian accents as they try to practice their classroom English on me.

I long to spend time with my fellow missionary friends. I long to see Megonov and Missuranko, Belekova and Bigun.

I long to see Doxey and Crawford. I long to talk with Withers and find solace in his friendship. I long to learn from Sem’s positive attitude and just be in her presence.I want to hear another one of Taylor's ridiculous dreams.

(Love these people)

I long to have district meetings again with Gray and Dobrusky and Wacky Cake.

I miss Denis and Crossley.

 
I miss Megoniv  so much. No one, before or since has been able to make me laugh like him.

"NO JEANS!" -Zmoleck

I miss Layne:

Oh the memories. 

I miss Chiddy and Chamberlain.

I don't miss Keriak. {She was the devil}

I miss Permenter's Tennessee Twist. And I miss this:

I miss Denis. I miss him so much.

I miss Medina.

I miss Okcana so much that I can't bear to keep in contact with her because it breaks my heart that I am not with her.

Isn’t that so backwards?

I miss Oleg. I wish I could just open my heart and give it to him. I wish he would be open enough to accept the life changing gift that I offered him.

 "Whatever you wish Oleg. Whatever you wish."

I miss hundreds more.

I wonder about this blocking of traumatic experiences thing that I do. Sometimes I think it has served me, other times it is no bueno… clearly. Because look at all the beautiful experiences I had that I refuse to let myself remember. Look at all the remarkable people that I knew that I don't allow myself to keep in contact with. Look at all the good memories that I don't allow myself to have. I don't want to miss out anymore, but that sort of leaves me lost.

How do you reboot your brain to remember these memories? How do you allow yourself to reflect what has been forbidden to reflect on? How do you reopen your closed heart to soak it all in? How can you enjoy what you have told yourself was not enjoyable for so long? I want to go back and relive so many moments in Ukraine. The bad parts have scarred me so much. They have caused me so much pain. They have caused me so much confusion. They have caused me so much anxiety. Unfortunately I missed out on a lot of positive memories as a result. Bummer.

I think it is time to take my brain, my heart and my awareness back there. I have missed it so desperately.

I am ready to remember.
Ukraine, you are forever my home.

Chuck Norris thinks I'm incredible.

Yep, you read that right. The real live Chuck Norris. 

See:

I can do hard things. That’s what I kept telling myself. Saturday.

Last Saturday {May 7, 2011 for the record keeping of my life} I accomplished something I secretly was not sure I would be able to do.

I finished a 40 mile bike ride.

Now, before you scoff at the length of that race, those of you who are biking majesty’s yourselves, I have a few things you should know.

I only started biking 2 seasons ago and I don't ride at all during the winter, {I'm kind of a wimp in the cold.} So 40 miles is good  for a beginner like me.

Side note: The first summer I had my bike I did 15 miles. Thought I was a hero. Last summer the longest ride I did was 25 miles. {That was also a race I didn’t think I would finish but I did.}

So this summer going to 40 is pretty good for me.

This year because the weather had been so crummy I only took my bike out twice before the big day. Once for a 12 mile ride and the other for a 15 mile ride. I did the 15 mile ride on Thursday and then the 40 mile ride on Saturday so I honestly didn’t train for this baby at all.

I was doing great for the first 30 miles or so, despite the 3 mile hill that took me over an hour to climb. {Oh, and just so you know, the whole entire hill plus a good 60% of the rest of the ride was done against some pretty strong head wind making momentum absolutely impossible.}  

Rest Stop #1

Like I said, the first 30 miles I was doing and feeling pretty good. The last 10 miles though? Hands down the most difficult thing I have ever physically done in my life. My body was pretty done. My elbows and neck were killing me. {I probably don't have the best posture on a bike, or ever for that matter} The blisters on my hands were oh so very real. The sun was burning my arms, legs and face. And let’s not even talk about what was happening with my derriere.

I had to dig deep. But I finished. I realize it’s a small step towards my goal of completing a century {100 miles} but it’s a step none the less. Now I know my minimum is no longer 25 but 40.

I think I am going to register for a 62 mile in September. Wish me luck. I will train better for this one.

At the starting line. Little did we know...

Crossing the finish line some 4 hours {give or take} later.

Oh so proudly displaying our medals. We were shot. I mean Shot. Those smiles are fake. Except that they are smiles of relief so I guess they are not entire impostors. 

See, I told you Chuck Norris thinks I’m incredible.

Wannaupdate?

Since I'm stuck in bed there isn't much I can blog about. You get the topic of sprained ankle one more time.

So. This laying-in-bed-all-day thing is boring. And I am officially getting bed sores because I can't really change positions much.

Crutches are difficult to balance on. Phew. And they kinda hurt my pits a lot.

I {this is hard for me to admit} stink. I can't shower cause I can't stand. I have yet to figure out how I'm going to bathe, but I've about hit that point. The point of no return. The clean yourself now or throw up point. I wasn’t anticipating the difficulty in keeping my hygiene up. I mean I've been hopping everywhere so how am I supposed to hop over a footand-a-half of what might as well be a mountain so that I can get into the tub. And once I am in, sure I can sit but it’s tough to get up and down with 1 foot. But then again, standing runs the risk of slipping. And then once I am done how do I dry myself off while on crutches? I guess we will soon find out. I stink too bad not to. 

I am officially in love with this book. 

{Dream When You're Feeling Blue by Elizabeth Berg}

 It is brilliant. Set in WWII {which is a time in history I am obsessed with} it is the story of a family of young girls who send their boyfriends and fiancés off to war. It is absolutely brilliant with everything that a good novel should contain. Romance, history, humor, fashion, and beloved characters. I think I'm going to be awake pretty much all night finishing this bad boy. It comes highly recommended from this girl:

Me in Honduras. May 2008

I am getting really good at hopping.

My gnarly scrape is looking even more gnarly. {See Exhibit A} But it kind of makes laying on my side difficult. When it touches my other knee it stings. 

{Exhibit A}

My ankle is getting some good R&R. I have been icing it for 20 minutes every 3 hours {except for when I was sleeping through the night} I am keeping it elevated and I am keeping it compressed.  I am babying it back to health because I’ll be dammed if I can't play in my next game on Tuesday due to a stupid sprain. Forget that.

The bruising hasn’t really showed up yet. But that ankle bracelet ten year old sister made me is cute, hu? {Except that right now it is hiked up so that you can see my wound. Usually its in a much better location. 

My room is getting very messy. Anyone who knows me knows that I like CLEAN and ORGANIZED. It's killing me that I have to throw things around and that can't pick up my bedroom. But things just keep getting thrown around.

Stay tuned lovies.{But not for more ankle stuff, cause its pretty much old news now. For much more interesting stuff}

The good news and the bad news.

Got some good news and some bad news

First up the good:

Good news: I finally have a fun story from my life to blog about. {Well, it’s fun to me. I guess we will see if it appeals to anyone else} Ever since my journey to find my voice began I have always wanted a fun story to tell about my usually eventless life. The problem is, I don't have kids. And 80% of the good blog posts that I read come from funny mom stories. Also, 15% of the good blogging stories I read have to do with a husband or a boyfriend and I don't have one of those either. Only a slim 5% of good blog posts are some random something that has nothing to do with kids or husbands. I have for many moons now been keeping my eye out for something entertaining from my life that I can blog about, but to no avail. Hopefully this story can count some fraction of that 5% of good blog stories. Here it goes.

Good news: Tonight in my softball game I hit a triple. A TRIPLE! I am so proud of myself. I had a goal to hit a double this season, never in a million years thinking I would ever get a triple. Up to this point I have only been able to hit singles. So, in one hit I met and exceeded my goal. That is definitely a good day for me.

Bad news: While sliding into 3^rd for my amazing triple, I sprained my ankle and limped off the field in the arms of 2 other players.

Good news: I took one for the team and finished the game, playing on a sprained ankle.Ya. I'm legit like that.

Bad news: I am stuck in bed for at least 36 more hours.

Good news: I get to read a whole heap! Since I have a goal not to watch TV, I will have at least 36 hours in bed with nothing but books to keep me company.  This makes me freekin happy.

Bad news: This is the view I get to stare at for the next 36 hours. {Not to mention the pain. It hurts. Bad}

Good news: I got a pedi just in time for this pic.

Good news: I went to the library today and checked out 2 of the books on my list. Good thing I went today, because I was considering just waiting until tomorrow. That might have left me bookless for a long and boring day and a half. Glad I made the right choice there.

Bad news: I have to stay home from work tomorrow.

Good news: I get to stay home from work tomorrow.

Good news: I got this gnarly battle wound sliding into 3^rd. 

Bad news: It's probably going to heal before I get to wear shorts to show it off anywhere. (I like gnarly scrapes and bruises. I am kind of tom boy like that.) Stupid summer that keeps playing the tip.

Good news: There just happened to be crutches at my house. It's a good thing because hopping everywhere was starting to hurt like hell.

Bad news: I have to use crutches. They are kind of painful on the hands and underarms. 

Bad news: It hurts like hell every time I have to get up and all the blood rushes to it. 

Bad news: I have to get up to go pee right now and I am dreading it.

Good news: I love softball.

Good news: I could not have asked for a better story behind a sprained ankle. 

Stay tuned for busing photos. There is going to be a hecka big bruise there tomorrow.

Tripple T's Debut.

Introducing Top Ten Tuesday.

For those of you who know me really well you probably know that I love making top ten lists. It is how I really get to know someone. I will ask them to tell me their top ten favorite musical artists of all time, or top ten movies of all time or top ten dream destinations. You get the idea. Sometimes when it is a tough topic I will only make them give me 5, like top 5 favorite authors or top 5 fastest cars. So, since I love making lists I thought it would be a fun thing to implement on the blog. And I am even going to figure out how to make a button for this thing-y too. {As well as my “small moments” button that I am dying to create} and I have a dream of making a Top Ten Tuesdays linky party too someday. So, if you want to participate GREAT! For now, just pick a topic that you can make a list for. Top 5 or top 10 will do, Post about it in your blog, and leave a link to that posting in the comment box. {Until I'm fancy enough to learn how to do a link party} 

If you are not sure what topic to choose, copy cat one of mine. If you have any ideas of future top ten Tuesday topics that you want people to participate in LMK via email at: livinghalfalive{at}gmail{dot}com or via the comment box and we will get those up pronto. Thanks for participating.

For the Triple T {Top Ten Tuesday} Debut: My top ten favorite movies as a child. {In no particular order} 

1. Camp Nowhere

"Sorry, shifted my liver on that one."

2. Heavyweights 

Lars is totally my favorite. 

3. Mrs. Doubtfire 

For some reason this movie just had me rolling with laughter.

{And I did not get the hot flashes joke as a kid}

4. Home Alone

"Ma'am, I'm 8 years old" 

{Something about the way an 8 year old was completely self sufficient really appealed to my younger-dying-to-grow-up self.} 

5. Blank Check

What I wouldn't have done with a million bucks. 

6. Back to the Future Trilogy {I'm counting this as one. Sue me}

I was so in love with Marty. What a stud muffin.

7. Hook

"Hey Rufio, why don't you go suck on a dead dog's nose?"

"Oh there you are Peter"

"Rufffio, Ruffioooo, Ruuuuuufffffiiiiiiiioooooo" 

"Peter Pan's My Dad?"

8. Ferris Bueller's Day Off 

I was smitten by Ferris. I couldn't wait until I was old enough to ditch school.

9. Richie Rich

Can you see the theme? Macaulay Culkin, Robbin Williams, Christopher Lloyd, for some reason I liked the same actors. And I really fantasized about being young and rich. 

10. Angels in the Outfield

Told you Baseball was born in my blood.

What a good walk down memory lane. Lets here it for the 80's.

What are some of your top ten’s?